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From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 8 Jul 1992 14:25:00 -05
Subject: FOSSAGE
"It was LSD that changed me."
--Daniel A. Foss
Well, you're not going to believe THIS one, kiddies. Better tighten
up your chin straps...
Guess what Foss, that DAFfy bastard, is up to now? He's going shopping
mall to shopping mall, getting signatures for Ross Perot! I thought
he was spouting Anti-Perotisms just a few short weeks ago? What
precipitated this sudden change, I wonder? Or was it typical Foss
jabberwocky all along?
He's to date been positively identified in malls from Bangor, Maine to
Cecil, Mississippi, and implicated in several Bingo game disturbances
that the Perot non-regime has tried to "hush-up", unsuccessfully.
He is apparently making no effort to disguise himself, appearing at all
times in the traditional garb that has come to be associated with him
and his particular brand of bleating idolatry - to wit, a breechclout
made of two Fruehof mudflaps, crisscross "bandolero" ammunition belts
stuffed alternately with "Slim Jims" and "Hav-A-Tampa Jewels", and a
styrofoam pith helmet with a great big STP decal across the front.
Local authorities have placed alerts to all personnel to remain on
standby should any of his surprise appearances precipitate violence,
and reportedly the FBI has recently declared him "unarmed and
dangerous".
Stay tuned for further developments and while you're up, would you mind
refreshing this drink for me?
Not So Much Ice This Time,
Felonious J. Cubensis
Your Ace Cub Reporter
========================================================================
From: ROBERT HOLDER <WHIPLASH>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Fri, 10 Jul 1992 15:19:12 EDT
Subject: Re: Reply to peace outs ol' daddi
NRG ARG AHRN RHANG GRN RNG NRG
all this talk about acid acid is BAD oh it just
hikes my girdle to hear it what girdle? bad bad BAD
Ooooo! Naughty naughty! All you awefull psychodelicatesty
short order cookie paper eaters! My my i think
its time for you ALL to get yourselves to a baptist
REVIVAL MEETIN and gitcha some-a-thet OLDTIME.
they'll force feed you prayer meetins and membership
drives and turn you right off your dirty little
SCHEDULE I lifestyles! haven't you been PAYING
ATTENTION!? just say SHO! WHOOPS I mean FLO! ARGH!
BRO! LO! FRO! GLOW!
NO! NO! NONONO! Ahhhh! That's it! Just Say NO.
kanda roooolllllssssssss off yer tongue, don't it?
Rall smooothhhh lahk... lahk "cancer patient" er "bank
failure" er "oil spill" er "fitty caliber" er
"handsintheairdroptoyourkneesdroptotheground" ahhh
kanda floooowwwws over yuh lahk a nahss warm ralph
steadman pitcher.
yep. acid is bad bad bad.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~robert holder~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
========================================================================
From: <LIBALP>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Tue, 14 Jul 1992 12:35:00 EDT
Subject: Semantics
SOMBUNALL FUCKIN' PIGS KILLED MY BROTHER!!!
SOMBUNALL FUCKIN' PIGS KILLED MY BROTHER!!!!
========================================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Date: 15 JUL 1992 13:56 -05
Subject: Daniel Foss? Agent Penrod,
I have someone here that would very much like to speak with you, sir. Wouldyou be so good as to follow me?
' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' Daddy? ' / |______\_____O
=============================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Mon, 20 Jul 1992 16:25:00 -05
Subject: Me Tonga
Tonga KING OF JUNGLE!!!!
Vote Tonga Nov. 3
(paid political advertisement by Friends of Tonga)
========================================================================
From: ARTHUR MCPARKER <LIBALP>
Subject: Hullo Dan
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 16:22:00 EDT
>|This is my first time reading this news group. What is FNORD?
> At my old high school it is written on the bathroom wall and on lockers.
> I can see the connection between Kraftwerk and Tim leary. But what isthe
> purpose of these poems and stuff?
>
>|||Dan
Ah, Dan, I see you've been greeted by our Hospitalliter Chair, ol' Cube.
The good news, my friend, is that we here at FNORD are always happy to talk
to anyone named BOING. The bad news, chum o' mine, is that you never should
have left your high school bathroom, but that's just spilt milk, isn't it?
Sorry.
Amazingly for a tyro, you've hit upon a very important issue: What is FNORD?
I have found that historically, there is one overwhelming matter that captures
the attention of Fnordians, and this matter, which I will shortly name,
dominates the discussion here at NEW WAYS OF THINKING. The question that so
concerns the folk here (and they are a brightish bunch) is this:
What is FNORD?
Ah, but there's war in heaven, O Treasured Pal of My Yesterhood.
Some think this question has no place here, and try to change the subject.
But that's okay too, because we are, to the exclusion of everything else,
pluralists. Oh, no doubt someone will send you a private note telling you
that we're a bunch of irrelevant bastards who never give anyone a straight
answer or take anyone seriously, but you know enough to turn a blind ear to
that kind of talk, don't you, Mother of My Children?
Thanks for your kind remarks about the poems. Do you enjoy country music?
ap
========================================================================
From: <LIBWCA>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 16:52:45 EDT
Subject: POEM
"Lads, I remember the Olden Days,"
Old Wilbur says, and picks his nose with
the long-barreled .45 welded to his bionic arm.
"Why, we was Captains of Industry in those days,
Lords of the Dead, Defenders of the Faith, and
Bone-Totin' Savage Chiefains.
We was civilization builders."
Toad comes in, with his old dirty sack fulla dead cats,
and Wilbur hefts him onto a stool by the scruff of his neck.
"Killing Indians and wolves is hot work." He says,
"Get me another'n, and one for my piss-stained buddy, here"
=============================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 22 Jul 1992 16:22:00 -05
Subject: GOODER POEM
With each new volcanic kiss
Erupting from her tectonic face
I feel the furnace neath my mud
stained metatarsals, Avast ye swob
She swore and swearing plinked
a string like so, laughing cruel
bastard that I was, impaled her jig
gling flesh and honked the horn swerving
into oncoming traffic
and never gave one good
rat's ass amen
hurled that stupid bra defiantly
"kiss my ass, fatboy"
Felonious J. Cubensis
=============================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 23 Jul 1992 11:31:00 -05
Subject: It Jiggles! It Jiggles!
Hi Everybody! How is Everybody? Is Everybody happy! Good!
That's so good.
Listen, I hate to sound anticlimatic after that thrilling report from
the psychic just now, but I feel like maybe you gave him more attention
than you gave me. Am I right? Is it just me? No, go ahead and tell
me if it's just me. I'm just being paranoid, right?
I just felt like, you know, for a minute there, maybe you thought that,
...well...
THAT MAYBE YOU THOUGHT THAT HE WAS COOLER THAN ME, that's all, alright?
And that just really hurt my feelings.
That's all.
Cube
========================================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Shave your kidneys,
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 10:10:00 -05
>
>I'm still not sure what this list is for, but I have a question which is
>bothering me and this may just be the place to get an answer.
>
> I was in a 7-11 because I had the munchies and I wanted some crisps (chips
> to you. And what we call chips, you call fries. Which just proves whatI've
> always said about America. And furthermore I don't think that any countrythat
> could come up with 'My Two Dads' should be entrusted with nuclearweapons).
>
> Anyway, I was looking for quantity primarily, and the biggest bag I could
> find was something called "kettles Crisps, American extra crunchy style"or
> something like that. I had to make a snap decision because I was standingnear
> some fishing magazines, and those pictures of men holding up huge,bloated,
> bleeding fish make me aroused, and this wasn't the time or the place.
>So I bought these things, and I wish I bloody hadn't because they were like
> slivers of sharpened titanium or something. I mean _really_ hard andsharp.
> I couldn't taste them either because my mouth was lacerated and all Icould
> taste was blood.
>
> This brings me onto my question:
>
> DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE SPECIAL _MOUTHS_ OR SOMETHING?
*** Comments from DICKENS; 07/29/92 09:56am:
I'll field this one.
First of all, greetings and Thank You for buying American!
Now, if I may quote from the July 1966 issue of Farm Journal (Southern
Edition), I'd like to share a tidbit or two (what you call widgies, I
believe) from an article entitled "Bluegills Every Time".
Ahem
And one and two and three:
"With the long-shanked butt end of the hair turned up and trimmed, the
fly glides, hook up, so it rarely gets fouled on weeds. Bluegills too
small for the skillet don't bother this bait, but the big ones suck it
in and head for the bottom."
Your William Shakespeare couldn't have said it better himself!
So, you see, UHAA023, there are all kinds of fishes in the Great Pond
of Life. You are but a small fry when it comes to the big boys below
and THEY eat those bastards, bag and all, without so much as a blink of
their eyes with that translucent membrane thing - you know what I'm
talking about.
By the by, Old Beans, anyone from Weston-Super-Mare out there?
Tremendously Yours in Rabid Squalor,
Merciful Lee Dickens
========================================================================
From: <LIBWCA>l
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 10:05:41 EDT
Subject: Re: Shave your kidneys, mister?
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
29 Jul 1992 15:03:36 BST from <UHAA023@>
On Wed, 29 Jul 1992 15:03:36 BST <UHAA023@> said:
>DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE SPECIAL _MOUTHS_ OR SOMETHING?
No, no; we just like 'em like that. An American enjoys the taste of
his own blood streaming from the roof of his mouth, because we are
hearty, robust, outdoorsy-type yeoman farmers, as opposed to the
decadent, pallid, depleted gene pools of Europe. Look at our president-
out a'huntin' and a'fishin', living the life of the pioneer, rowin'
around shootin' ducks, while your inbred royalty stay at home, sip
tea, and push their spouses down the stairs. This is why we have Big
Guns, many types of laundry soap, and large-breasted women, while your
fundamental reputation rests on a long-dismembered empire and a dead
playwright whose work, it turns out, was actually written by an American
Indian chief named Yunkasquana.
I'm sorry to hear that you have 7-11s over there. Stay on your guard,
or you will have that damn mouse and all his three-fingered friends
running around your country, as the poor frogs do.
========================================================================
From: LIBALP
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 11:05:06 EDT
Subject: Re: Shave your kidneys, mister?
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
29 Jul 1992 15:52:42 BST from <UHAA023@>
On Wed, 29 Jul 1992 15:52:42 BST <UHAA023@> said:
>That's a blow: admittedly we get as lot of conflicting images from
>'over the pond', but the consensus over here is that Pee Wee Herman
>is the archetypal American.
>
>Several of our more liberal churches have even switched to 'Hermanism'
>to glorify his name.
>
>I mean.... YOU SAW THAT BICYCLE!
Many people agree with. The Hermanites are a small sect over here, but
their numbers are increasing rapidly, in spite of vicious, systematic
persecution. I trifled with the idea of joining myself, but the sect's
dogmatic insistence on limiting the American consumer's choice of
breakfast cereals to Frosted Sugar Smacks and Quisp put me off. We
Americans are very proud of the wide variety of Breakfast cereals
available to us; the Hermanites' obscurely-motivated stand on this
matter is probably a leading factor in the pograms now sweeping most of
the larger east-coast cities.
========================================================================
From: JUNIPER SAGE <CHEATING@SBCCVM.BITNET>
Subject: Protocols of the Elder Council of the Playhouse
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 12:58:20 EDT
Hello, LIBALP;
Dear me, I didn't think _you_ of all people would have fallen for that
contrivance of a conspiratorial diary account which was recently proven
by blood alcohol tests to have been written in the 1950s by Those Who
Would Destroy the Hermanites, who also, I understand, wrote the fabled
one-acts of Yunkasquana.
The Hermanites are a very peaceful people who have been embroiled in
property disputes emerging from their attempts to purchase all the
land formerly owned by the Shakers and convert them to Theme Parks
with Clean, Private Viewing Booths as dictated by scripture.
Juniper Sage.
========================================================================
From: LIBALP <LIBALP>
Subject: Theme Park! Thrill Ride!
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 13:23:00 EDT
Dear Mr. Repinuj:
Your new "Hello, LIBALP/Dear me" dual salutation technique is a ragingsuccess,
a sparkling innovation, and, darn it, a rootin'-tootin' New Way of Thinking!
It seems I have been reading the Wrong magazines and newspapers. I'm toonaive
to know the Difference. Christianity Today misled me about "Holy Blood, Holy
Grail" and it's misleading me again. I'll never learn.
Hermanites. Yunkasquana. Theme Park. Nice Tying-Things-Together motion.
I can tell you've been practicing at home.
***
For those of limited subscription, CHEATING Ltd. is a featured player at
SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM Stony Brook Literary Underground and comes to us today
via satellite from the Planet of Myriad Urgencies. Welcome, CHEATING!
LIBALP
========================================================================
From: <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: Protocols of the Elder Council of the Playhouse
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 14:25:27 EDT
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed, 29 Jul 1992 12:58:20 EDT from<CHEATING@SBCCVM>
On Wed, 29 Jul 1992 12:58:20 EDT Juniper Sage said:
>
>The Hermanites are a very peaceful people who have been embroiled in
>property disputes emerging from their attempts to purchase all the
>land formerly owned by the Shakers and convert them to Theme Parks
>with Clean, Private Viewing Booths as dictated by scripture.
>
Hah! Peaceful people don't kidnap defenseless Shaker ladies and force
them to build oddly-angled furniture on national TV. Peaceful people
don't worship stuffed pterodactyls in blood-soaked midnight orgies.
Most especially, peacefully people do not, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES,
fuck around with a man's choice of breakfast comestibles. If you're
going to throw in with this crowd, CHEATING old sock, you might just
have well've stuck with that demonic, pustulant clown.
Get out while the getting's good, boy. When the shit-hammer falls,
TWWDTH will have no time to sort out the innocent.
=============================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 15:27:00 -05
Subject: QUERY:
What famous American president once claimed,
"I didn't know you had it in you!"
a) Millard Fillmore
b) Benjamin Franklin
c) Richard Nixon
d) Ronald Reagan
If you think it's butter, but it's not, it's
a) Chiffon
b) Horse mucus
c) Rancid spackle
d) A little something Uncle Ed left to show you how glad he was to
see you
What was Billy Joe McAllister throwing off the Tallahatchie Bridge?
a) her record player
b) a bouquet of wild flowers
c) the dude's head
d) not a goddam thing - it was all a frame-up, see? Lousy cops...
STOP. PUT DOWN YOUR PENCIL. DO NOT CONTINUE TO NEXT PAGE.
Merciful Lee Dickens
Proctor
========================================================================
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Subject: cereal killeras
Sorry, *cereal* killers is correct. Twas I, a generation ago who firstsuggested that the
"liquidation by pitiless and relentless terror" (Lenin) of breakfast cereals isa laudable and
humanistic pursuit; and at that time did conclude postings with, *exemplumgratum*,
"THIS KILLS KELLOG'S SUGAR FROSTED FLAKES!" And that further, through a
terrible yet typically Armenian Spelling Error, innocent blood has been shed.So much for
my Leadership. Now, MINE EYES GROW DIM I CANNOT SEE so I ARE AN
ARMENIAN TOO, like you, like the People, I cannot spell, my most sincere viewsof the
keybord are dim blurs, more so the screen;'''
Daniel A. Foss [[caron]]
========================================================================
From: "DANIEL A. FOSS" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 29 Jul 1992 19:00:16 EDT
Subject: This kills Weetabix
Some months ago I realized that "serial killings" were, in typicalall-armenian fashion,
the outcomes of a ghastly spelling error. Cereal killing, that is, of thebreakfast kind, is
however an unexceptional or perhaps even laudable act. One of those I havedetermined
must die the death, right after Sugar Frosted Pops on my hit list, is a cloneof Nabisco
Shredded Wheat sold in Ontario as Weetabix, allegedly with over fifty percentCanadian
content. My host informed me, Oxfordly, that said product is sold in Britain,England,
and the United Kingdom too. Ontario presents no problem, a mere daggerpointing at the
heart of Detroit, long dead from head blown off by Japan, from behind. And
unnecessary to swim. Urgently need accurate info as to global diffusion of thetarget
cereal to ascertain extermination feasibility of same, thank you.
DAF, who is dead but has not forgotten
========================================================================
From: DAF <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Tue, 4 Aug 1992 17:37:07 EDT
Subject: A Paranoid explains Quayle (a special review session before the test)
Slimm asked for it, so here is the Assassiantion Insurance throey of VicePresidential
selection: Since the JFK assassination the Vice Presidential nominee has beenselected for
that quality of being so unsuitable for the presidency (from a certainperspective) that
nobody would dare think of assassinating the Presidential nominee if elected.Subtypes
of Assassination Insurance are:
(a) The raving communist. Hubert Humphrey, D, 1964.
Nelson Rockefeller, R, appointed by Ford 1974-1977
Walter Mondale, D, 1976
Geralding Farraro, card-carrying woman, D, 1984
(b) The retard. Spiro Agnew, R, 1968.
Gerald Ford, R, 1974
Dan Quayle, R, 1988
(c) The utter nonentity. William Miller, R, 1964
Lloyd Bentsen, D, 1988
---------------Exceptions:
1. Eagleton, Shriver, D, 1972: Few keew, but Mcgovern himself was a raving
communist retarded nonentity, so what did it matter anyway. Eagleton was insaneand
Shriver was intended as Regent for the Legitimate Kennedy.
2. George Bush, R, 1980. When the Presidential nominee is *not* intended towield
power but rather to play the president as a regular on the TV series, itfollows that the
Master Spy, our own Yuri Andropov, should be at his side as a warning of whatmight
happen should the Presidential nominee attempt to wield power. It is believedthat the
last words Ronnie flashed on when Hinckley's bullet entered his body were,"Gosh,
George, I was *good*."
3. Al Gore, D, 1992: If you shoot the president and a clone of the presidentgets in, why
shoot the president to begin with?
--------------------------
Now, mallrats, get out your decoder rings and find the extra-special Paranoidmessage
in the following Rumor of the Week:
If I were George Bush, I'd be terrified! Everyone knows, if you got rid ofQuayle, Bush
loses face for ineptitude. If you didn't get rid of Quayle, Bush loses facefor ineptitude.
Besides, everyone knows, Bush is inept. It follows that They have gotta getrid of Bush
himself. And Bush has been his won Direct or of Central Intelligence so long heknows
how much of the CiA is not under his control.
DAF
=============================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 5 Aug 1992 13:36:00 -05
Subject: ADVANCED LITERATURE
Hello.
Everyone please be seated.
There will be no smoking. If you gotta smoke, please do so outside
and only during the break time. Now, we have a lot of material to
cover, people, so please... come to order...
Okay.
My name is God. This is a play I wrote, so I want you to pay close
attention or I will revoke your breathing priveleges. And I don't need
to remind you....I can walk it like I talk it, so pipe down...
The name of this play is "I WAS A TEENAGED MOP-SQUEEZER" and it's all
about this little chickie babe who gets a job as a maid in this seedy
hotel in East Anglia where a couple of real losers have got their
collective eye on her. She's trying to make an honest living. These
jerkwads are trying to convince her to star in a porno movie they're
making in room 1009.
We'll pick up on page 52, where Raymond, the Royal Canadian Mounted
Policeman, has just checked in and is inquiring as to the whereabouts
of the weight room where his Uncle Hagdaddy is supposedly employed.
Fresca, the maid, enters with her mop and is obviously staying within
earshot of the handsome stranger dressed in the glorious uniform.
We'll take it from the "ding", as he hits the bell on the front desk.
RAYMOND: Hey! HEY! What the fuck I gotta do to get a little SERVICE
outa you hosers, eh?
MR. AIRWICK: Okay, okay. No need to shout. Why are you shouting?
RAYMOND (holding a soiled gym sock over his head): I'm sorry. Here.
FRESCA (murmurs to herself): Incompetents! I'm surrounded by a gaggle
of bleeding incompetents!
ENSIGN LIBALP: I had to shoot your horse, sir. He was choking on one
of these!
******************************
Oops, that's my other phone.
Hang on.
========================================================================
From: SLIMM LARAMIE <LIBALP>
Subject: Making fun
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Wed, 5 Aug 1992 16:53:00 EDT
Name that list:
My soulmate Lavender-Destiny turned me on to this thing, and it's really cool,
and I want to share it with you all, but its just too wierd to explain, but
anyway this list means a lot to me, and when they make fun of me I can just
think about that and then I feel better. Goodnight fnord-l, I love you!!
========================================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 1992 08:36:00 -05
Subject: Reply to RE: ATTENTION ENGLIS
>
Poseur: One who adopts affected attitudes. Prig.
Well, you certainly had me fooled.
Hey, fun! Dictionary headings:
Marshalling yard - Masseur.
Couching - Counter Jumper (You god damn couching counter jumper)
Curative - Curtain (Roll up for Snugball's proprietary Curative Curtain)
Prejudiced - Prepuce (There's no _way_ I'm going in _that_ hairy thing)
Settler - Shackle (If only...)
Orange peel - Organism
Now _you_ try, boys and girls.
*** Comments from HOPELESS POSEUR ROOTED IN DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR:
Dropsy - Dry cell (No wonder you look so pallid - your cell's dry!)
Hillbilly - Histology ("The tests reveal you're a HICK, Gov. Clinton")
Rice paper - Rig (For the latest in disposable hypodermic needles)
Squatter - Stadium (Goodnight, Leri-L! I love you!)
You're right, Professor UHAA! I'm having SOME FUN now, by Jingoes!
Sign me:
Sappho - Satisfaction
(And of course I acknowledge my wee native companion, libalp,
for the inspiration of "Goodnight Leri-L, I love you!". I believe I
heard him babble something relating to that tribe's curious yet
ultimately humorous practice in yesterday's evensong...)
========================================================================
From: <UHAA023>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 1992 15:41:17 BST
Subject: I ain't even _half_ finished.
Hey, kids! Put away that Nintendo. Everyone's doing Dictionary Headings
(c)UHAA inc.
Available from all
Good Butchers.
Cold chisel - Collecter ('And notice the larger flange of the 1942 'Valiant'')
Breeze - Brief ('Suffering from testicular adhesion? You need...')
Pizzle - planetarium ('Behold, the Taurus constellation, hang on, what'sTHAT?'
Demoralise - Denture ('Look at you, you're stained, you're fractured')
Pre-Raphaelite - Press Agency ('Look Guys, Mr. Waterhouse ain't talkin' to no-
one just now')
This isn't the Middle Way! Who switched the signs?
========================================================================
From: MM <MBM>
Subject: lunch
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 1992 17:27:11 EDT
Subject: lunch
Among the
older nosodes are psorinum (from scabies material), medorrhinum (from
gonnorrhea pus), hydrophobinum (from rabid saliva).
These can be mixed with milk or fruit juices.
========================================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 1992 08:48:00 -05
Subject: Reply to Well, Dana, behind y
In a real actual private e-mail letter it was said by name withheld that"Merciful Lee
Dickens is a well-known pesk-a-body on withheld -L" and, further, this is
unfortunately not a joke or kidding since I have fulfilled my creativepotential and am
paying it an old-age pension. And if it hadn't been at retirement age I'd havehad to have
fired it, thrown it out on the street. DAF
*** Righteous Indignation from GRIEVOUSLY WRONGED PARTY ANIMAL:
Yeah, right, you Poseur. If you weren't such a delicate old fart, I'd tie youwith barbed
wire and drag you behind my Camaro. But you'd probably like that, wouldn'tyou,
you festering old pussack on the body politic? Wake up and smell the pavement,Ranting
Geezer: It's a New Order. You want fries with it?
Merciful Dickens (And to think I once thought of you as The Voice of the
Counterculture! For Shame!)
========================================================================
From:"DANIEL A. FOSS" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Sender:New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date:Thu, 6 Aug 1992 17:49:52 EDT
Subject:Correcting misconceptions
We have misconceptions in Alabama and Pennsylvania. Overcoming same in
Pennsylvania is now illegal provided the law does not establish "insuperabledifficulties"
in the way of clearing them up. What this means is that Lois Lane cannot getpregnant.
Do not ask me how I know this. The movie was never released, is all. Therewere very
serious negotiations as to possible cross genre sequel where Jor-El incollaboration with
Bones and Mr Spock develops a fertility drug which inadvertently brings Gene
Rodenberry back from the dead, but the project was scotched; three promisingyoung
producers were traded to television. The scriptwriter is now dyslexic. That isall.
What is this I have confounded Pennsylvania and Georgia, same difference, arefuge for
Convicts or refuge for Quakers, they all had slaves. Ah, from Georgia, theGreat State of
Georgia which has given us Grace Palazzolo, Lenny Abbey, and so many otherstars of
the small screen. Also George Watbol "Wat" Tyler, slave of the Carter familyof Plains
GA, who in 1843 invented the computational vegetable, the Babbage, which was across
between a banana and a cabbage. All this is in my Fathers of Modern DataProcessing,
Syracuse University Academic Computing Candy Stripe 8.5 x 14 inch, 1980. Thestory
lingers a bit on a Chinese laundryman in Hannibal MO who punches certain holesin Mr
Hollerith's shirts, then takes us through two world wars, the first with SirArthur B.
Byte whose story of "How I Won The War" tells the true story of numerous
assassination plots from that on McKinley in 1901 to 1916, that of CountSturgkh,
Austrian Prime Minister, by way of introducing Zdanko
Mihailovich Ebcdic, who made the welcoming revolutionary socialist speech for
Archduke Franz Ferdinand in Sarajevo - ah, poor Sarajevo - in 1914, thenfollows the
conversation in the car between the Archduke and insipid wife Sophie featuringthe line,
"Nonsense, next to the Army, the Socialists are the backbone of the Empire!The
nationalists would shoot us down like dogs in the streets!" This same Z.M.Ebcdic, with
his faithful Tonto, the Rumanian scientist Ion Ascii, later, 1947, shared theStalin Prize
for invention of the digital computer using a field of Babbages with Tito andthe Partisans
and remained a Bosnian National Hero as long as Communism lived.
The local sociologists were handed copies of the story and they all came tothe
conclusion, this was 24 Narch, 1981, that I, Daniel A. Foss, was about to shootRonald
Reagan, should they tell the FBI. Or should they tell the Secret Service orwere any of
Them to be trusted any more than I was. I suggested that just becauseeverybody and
anybody could tell that it was about time that somebody was about to shootRonald
Reagan, on account of, he was President at that time, the character in thestory who was
me was Franz Kafka, who came up just before the War broke out, in July 1914,with the
idea of selling insurance against Vague Forebodings to Paranoids, I was afraidof guns
like him and would have been a Conscientious Coward too.
The next day were they ever upset, I am telling you hoo hoo, on account of thethe
WRONG PSYCHO shooting Ronald Reagan, Warren Hinckley was it, who cares, the
guy who looked Normal.
The Georgian asks what is the meaning of "pesk-a-body." My source is[withheld] by
reason of e-mail ethics, all identifying features of same inclusive of listsare [withheld]
for same reason, and the party is on vacation. My guess is, it means "pest,nuisance," in
that my correspondent is a closet Snot. Either that or he she it was indulgingin Snot
practice as part of the psychic workout required for keepinginstructorship-Asst Profship
or something in there. The party does go on at some length how he she it isbreath of
fresh air on lists i watch him her it on using me of all people as roll/bagelmodel, how i
am last honest man in us of armenia, how uniquely free foss is of academic
pretention and flapdoodle says my correspondent.
None of this is consistent with "pesk-a-body" which is word brought to you bya grant
from the Mobil Corporation. Speaking whereof, I read in Time and Newsweek thatthere
is on Masterpiece Theatre the story of the loves and lives of Harold Nicolson,author of
The Congress Of Vienna, a book fatefully
memorized by Henr Kissinger, and Vita Sackville-West. Vita is a brand name ofwhat?
Comes back to me from my childhood. VITA HERRING. Thought I killed theoriginal
on another network but, see, it reproduced. Plain or Creamed. My mother alwaysbought
Plain, ugh, Creamed is yummy, Plain is cheaper and presumably always was.
Still to come: Voice of the Counterculture.
Daniel A. Foss
========================================================================
From: "DANIEL A. FOSS" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 6 Aug 1992 18:15:53 EDT
Subject: Hearing Voices from some Counterculture
The only known Voice of the Counterculture, the golden oldie station of thelocal dead
heads and the OD'd just-plain-dead, broadcast from Kabul, Afghanistan, duringthe
golden autumn of the detritus of rich hippiedom under the slimy and corruptDaud
regime, 1973-1978: Col. Daud, you recall, had overthrown his cousin, stillPreternder to
a Restoration, then King Muhammad Zahir Shah, 1961-1973 or something, I think.
Zahir Shah had allowed an Opposi- tion Member of Parliament to make a speechin 1965,
and thereafter was known as a Weak King, presumed faggot, etc, whose continuedreign
threatened the Return of the Overmighty Subject after such great strides hadbeen made to
tax tribal warfare without a licence, recognition of bastard children by serfwomen,
unlawful castle construction cum double parking, and last and least theacreage
restrictions on cultivation of the opium poppy to keep the prices up. FromBastard
Feudalism and Wars of the Roses and such, Afghanistan had attained the Yorkiststage of
development, trembling on the very edge of the Tudor. Was there a Henry VIIIwith an
Arabic-Pathan name who never reached the throne in a country where polygynywas
legal but so was wife murder? We will never know. Stooges of Moscow said,"This
dump is FEUDAL, dammit," which was TRUE, but insufficient, for there was aNew
Breed of Commie, tired like some Mexican analogues today of taking orders fromacross
the northern border.
The day after the New Breed, called the Masses Faction, took power, the pricelists for
every Substance known & unknown to hippiedom hitherto posted in each roomof every
fleabag, visible to a tripper by the hideous light of a bare bulb, sometimes abulb with
BVDs on, add tip for room service.
The other thing, well, this Rollins has read my not terribly voluminous works,and
should have known that no youth movement culture lasts more that eighteenmonths,
and that's when times are slow. When business is brisk, like now, six months,max,
should be allowed.
As dear old Linda Benton, I've grown uglier with age, but she's the sameold huge,
sweaty, stinking Linda, up in Syracuse NY where it really happened, explained,well,
first I asked,
"Is [song on jukebox playing constantly] *where it's at*?"
"No, it was WHERE IT WAS AT six moths ago. It's only HAPPENING now."
Ah, the long lost Old Days in Syracuse NY, All-American City 1966-1967(this is a
true fact, folks), where I first had an Identity thrust upon me. Extruded froman economy
where all jobs were monopolized by the Normal race, I fould myself in lonelyunsplendid
isolation one night in either 105 Irving Av or just maybe it was 685 SoCrouse, and like
everthing else in life I screwed up, see, I miswired a Dynakit Stereo, I don'teven know
which box the booboo was in, and the thing picked up the police radio,surprisingly
boring as it was. That night this porker was driving down the street past thehouse and he
said, this was 1966, pretty sure:
"Getting so you can't tell the Students from the Nonstudents anymore."That's what
I was, a Nonstudent, till a little later I could Pass for Dropout.
Identities come from without, by force, elsewise they rain down from heavenlike
pigeonshit. I tell you truly, never went through either an Identity Crisis ora Midlife
Crisis, and you know what that makes me?
I AM MY OWN GRANDFATHER IS WHAT.
Merciful Lee Dickens, you try and see if you can make that kinda statementwhen you
are 64, and I am 52 last Sunday but already I am older than 64.
Daniel A. Foss, [ok get out them there decoder rings an' try em on thistext:] New
Covenant aint gonna need me aint gonna feed me when I'm sixty-four, betcheraz,but you
kids today are good for Prime Field Hand material... --------------- Ol GabbyHayes sex,
uh, sez, first Pea-Pooper to denstruct that subtext wins a night with Trigger,ol hoss aint
changed none but Dale Evans is daid....
========================================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Fri, 7 Aug 1992 11:30:00 -05
Subject: Correcting misconceptions
>Subject: Correcting misconceptions
> We have misconceptions in Alabama and Pennsylvania. Overcoming same in
Daniel A. Foss
************Comments from Cube:
Hot Opentoed Roastfoot Sandwich it's not. Still Foss makes use of a fewinteresting plot
worms, to wit, "Poor Sarajevo" - top marks for that one. It got me rightHERE. It
nearly set the stage for the pointless grief he assigns himself in a certainallusion to a
certain former president, certain to bring the boys in the shiny black shoesknock-knock-
knockin on his front door. Then what? Oh yeah: the lame "pesk-a-body" thing.
Somebody help me out here: What the hell was that all about? It was vague.I don't
think he really knows how to follow instructions, so we'll have to drop him aletter
grade for that. And then, the brilliant swerve back to the sentimental: theVita Herring.
Excuse me. It needs a paragraph all its own.
The Vita Herring. In the blink of an eye, with the mention of three smallwords, Foss
magically transported me to the snow-steeped leanings of my early life. Itbrought me to
a world I'd forgotten, replete with all attendant smells and sounds and dejavus intact,
after all these years.... The Vita Herring. The creamed Vita - the poignancythere, huh?
Huh? Am I right? I struggled to keep that telltale tear from coursing downmy face. It
wouldn't have done at all for one of my impressionable employees to've seenthe Great
Man (that's me) falter... I only had creamed Vita Herring once. The richkid's house.
The rest of the time Mama could only afford the plain. We'd put a brave faceon it,
though, for her sake. She tried, God bless her. Oh, what the hell! I'll giveyou an A-,
you big knucklehead. Now get out of here and I mean it!
Proctor Dickens
========================================================================
From: <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: Reply to Re: Leri-L
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Mon, 10 Aug 1992 10:05:31 EDT
In-Reply-To: Message of Mon, 10 Aug 1992 08:27:38 CDT from <SKTHOMA@>
On Mon, 10 Aug 1992 08:27:38 CDT Kenn Thomas said:
>r u serious? (is anyone on this list?)
I, personally, am not serious, and may be safely ignored. Most other
people are not serious, either, but suffer under the delusion that they
are serious; watch them carefully for signs of incipient violence which
may burst into full flower when they discover their silliness. A very
few people are serious; these people should not be trifled with, but
rather quickly and painlessly dispatched, as they tend to cause wars,
political debates and ad campaigns.
I'm sorry these guidelines are a little vague; we here at the bureau
could not determine the more specific answer to your question, as we
were unsure what the fuck you were talking about.
========================================================================
From: TETRA HEDRON <MATMACCONAON@>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 15:39:00 GMT
Subject: Return of the Sausage
Today, my sausage turned twenty-two (22).
Actually, ri really only turned twenty-one (21) according to the way the
rest of us view things; this is due to the fact that sausages measure age
from the start of years rather than from the end of years, so that ri was
one (1) when ri came into being. I hear the same sort of carry-on goes on
in Foreign Countries.
It was my idea that we should celebrate ros coming of age by having a bit
of a party, with cocktail fingers and such like. I chose deliberately to
ignore the fact of ros miffedness last year when I would not acknowledge
the fact that ri had just come of age, me being under the (deliberate)
misapprehension that ri had only just turned twenty (20). It is now
turning into a problem; ri refuses to attend ros own twenty-first (21st)
(twenty-second (22nd)).
What should I do?
I should also tell you that I am seriously considering changing ros name
from Petunia to Uniatz. Ri would like it better.
Or so ri said.
th
========================================================================
From:QUEUE CUE <CHEATING@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Date:08/13/92 12:35:02
Subject:Re: All Fnordians are Pluralists
Sender:New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
In article <9208122125.AA04987@
> Majcher (Salamander~) writes:
>cheating@ccvm.sunysb.edu (queue cue) writes:
>[...lotsa stuff deleted...]
>Agreed. :) >
*Sigh*. I suppose, after all, FNORD-L isn't rilly the proper place as topost yet once
again the address for the extropians discussion group -- yes, I could look itup, but
imagine you have the information readily available and also imagine othersmight wish to
show up too. This way, I can go peddle my wares over there and argue the"meme"
(which won, I believe, an award as the Ugliest Newfangled Term of 1989, 1990,and
1991) of the locus nexus, economic and cultural centers where something seemsto shift
and something seems to happen, and I might even get an articulate response.
Incidentally, I later thought of Austin, Texas, as another rapidly growingcenter (which
seems to be spreading out often -- I meet too many people from that li'l burg)of
information processing activity. Not to mention, of course, being the originalhome of
Roxy Erickson.
As for your claim that anyone east of Nevada seems hopelessly neanderthal ifnot
planning on moving to the bay area, it seems that far too many who arehopelessly
neanderthal are tagging along for the trip, or do you really believe that thepopulation of
intelligent, interesting people on this planet is 5 billion? Sorry, one of mymisanthrope
vices. A friend recently ran screaming from the area, after coming from theEast Coast, to
Europe, Paris; he's now ready to run screaming from that ever-popular bustlingcenter of
activity.
>>why in Erin's name, Salamander,
>>would you want to move to Ireland? I hope it's genealogical in
>>nature and not some idle idolatry, cause RAW's wrong, as he so
>>seldom is, on this one. Unless you like piles of stone chips.
>
>Mostly genealogical...I'd actually forgotten about RAW's stint
>in Ireland when I typed that bit in. Sure, I've never been there, but
>I've heard that it's nice to look at, at least, and it's a cozy little
>launching point if I decide to poke around the continent...and tell me
>just _what_ is wrong with piles of stone chips? :)
>
Nothing, nothing at all. It's probably not as terrible as most of the placesyou could
choose. I'd opt for Budapest, myself, at the moment.
>>Yrs in a rare instance of forced clarity, which really hurts as
>>I've not gotten any sleep since Monday night, as, as I said I would,
>>I've been waiting...
>
>And it is very much appreciated...
>"We're safe but for how long"
>
Well, now, a note of appreciation ... but still, I rilly must wonder if,should I delve back
into a gallon of messages, I would find I ever used the word "pringle" in anycontext ...
but then, perhaps you didn't mean me ...
>Salamander~
M, in tripped-up happenstance, noting, with well-verved and rehearsedclarity, that RAW,
along with Fuller and even John Cage, thinks that Joyce was a bloody genius, a
vaticinating shot against the pestilant tyrannies of the age, and RAW, likethe other two,
managed to find a use for him in his "theories"...
========================================================================
From: <LIBWCA@ >
Subject: I DIDN'T AUTHORIZE ANY OF THIS
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 15:08:00 EDT
Coherent dialectics, well-reasoned argumentation and carefully-crafted
polemics give me the red ass.
This being the case, I have decided to have each and every one of you
disemboweled, and your entrails fed to a pack of chattering tree shrews
I've discovered living in a Special Corner of Hell. Please accept my
sincere apologies for not firing a warning shot before undertaking this
admittedly severe action; I've been a little under the weather lately,
and things have gotten out of hand, and I thought a little sudden,
unprovoked mayhem might get you yahoos back on your knees where you
belong.
Cuthbert
========================================================================
From: SIR LEICESTER OF YARK <LIBALP>
Subject: Hegemonad
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Thu, 13 Aug 1992 16:53:00 EDT
Subject: Hegemonad
Kids,
Now's yer chance. Take it or die. Ya want enlightenment, ya gotta join
the hegemonastery, see? But ya gotta give up all yer hegemoney first.
Give it to the Hegemonger at that table over there. Then, ya gotta come
up with a hegemoniker. Get a hall pass to show to the Hegemonitor.
Play three-card Hegemonte; Hegemonopoly is fer sissies.
Hegemondays get me down. Cur! Hegemongrel!
Wanna pet hegemongoose? Ask yer father, Mr. Hegemoneybags.
Little hegemonster.
alp
========================================================================From:"SALAMANDER~" <MAJCHER>
Date:08/14/92 14:18:59
Subject:Re: Beating a dead horse
Sender:New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
>>>*Sigh*. I suppose, after all, FNORD-L isn't rilly the properplace
>>>to initiate a discussion, is it?
>>I counter with a hearty
>>yes it is...
Likewise - discussion is what this list was put here for, despite allappearances to the contrary...
>>Personal Freedom:
>> anarchocapitalist politics, free-market economics, cryptography,
>> privacy, digital cash, electronic communication
>From the intro post, the Extropians seem to want anarchic politics, butnot
>an anarchic list. Do Fnordians think this possible/proper/silly/not-worth
>thinking-about or what?
I thought it was really snotty myself, at first. However, if you sit fora while and
listen to what is being said for a while, it makes perfect sense within theirBS.
Anarchocapitalist/free-marketers - they're not saying that _every_ mailinglist and
newsgroup 'shud' have anarchic policies. There's a big difference between thevarious
'flavors' of anarchy - there's the anarcho-capitalists, the anarcho socialists,the anarcho-
pagans, and, for those who like the taste of 'anarchy classic', there's justplain Anarchists.
Basically, their views are pretty close to the Libertarians it's _their_list - they own
it, the software that runs it, and so on. Therefore, _they_ and only they getto decide what
the list policies are - if you don't like it, fine. Leave. Make your ownlist. You're more
than free to do what you want with your own stuff, but don't expect to tellothers how to
play with their own toys. (This discussion was gone over and over and over,ad nauseam,
on the X list a couple of months ago...if you really want to cause adisturbance, you're
more that free to go over there and ask about it again...:) That list wascreated for the
discussion of Extropian ideas and such - much as this one was created for thediscussion
of RAW/Leary, et al...and, from what I've seen over the last year+, I'd saythat their list
policies work a lot better than this one's...
Salamander~
Majcher
========================================================================
From: <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: Reply to Re: Reply to OH, BY
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 14:31:45 EDT
In-Reply-To: Message of Fri,
14 Aug 1992 13:15:00 -05 from <DICKENS>
On Fri, 14 Aug 1992 13:15:00 -05 Merciful Lee Dickens said:
>Cuthbert?
>I thought you were DEAD!
I was, yes. But since Our Brave Lads face death and worse Out There
every day, I fail to see why I should let a little thing like that
stand in my way.
Getting back into this node was interesting, if not particularly
pleasant to look at (the human brain, consumed, leaves an especially
unattractive grunge on the rim of the plate,) but the process took far
longer than I had thought, which accounts for the pathetic bleating
issued from this source during the weeks required for me to become, er,
fully engorged, let us say. There was resistance, but resistance, as
always, was futile. Sky Gods just don't fuck around.
Be that as it may. I heartily hope that you all have enjoyed your
eighteen-and-a-half minutes of freedom; the sheriff's back from Waco,
boys and girls, and things are gonna be just a leetle bit tighter
around here. Synchronize your timepieces, get out your schedules, and
just see if them choo-choos don't pull into the old station right on
the dime. Yes sir.
Cuthbert
========================================================================
From: "A. LEICESTER OF YARK" <LIBALP>
Subject: Hair chowder
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 11:05:00 EDT
"Merciful Lee Dickens" bleats:
>Could you repeat the Question?
That!, sir, is where you are WRONG WRONG WRONG!!!
Did you really believe, in such days as these, or entertain without, that ever
such as ri is, which you well know, thought so?
Not hardly, my beaming beano, not hardly.
Not to mention mention in selfsame sent(i)ents as Foss and thereby compare
direct therewith?
Again, not hardly.
Nor that thy head would be cleaved in twain like the clouds?
Nay, not hardly.
Nor that Salamander (pardon me if i get a bit mythical for a moment) would
have his tail chewn off but lo! it would grow back on the third day?
Nay, nay, stop pestering me, brethren!
What the subject?
alp
=============================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 15:27:00 -05
Subject: BOY IS MY NOSE EVER RED!
>
Merciful (Haw Haw Haw) Dickens says, among other things:
>me to take my finger out of my nose just long enough to point out that
also
>bit at the nose:
and
>You Pick Your Nose And Eat It,
Clearly, Something is Up (remainder of joke omitted).
Did you pretend to deny the is-ness of the Salamander? Yea, that not only
did the body grow a new tail, but also, in addition, that the tail grew
a new body, and that they did infest the carpets of the Leri-L-ites this
weekend?
Scurrilous indeed!
Was the predicate?
alp
*** Comments from I KNOW WHEN I'M LICKED:
There's no denying it -
I'm nasal.
Nasal retentive, you'll be pleased to note, however.
Was the dangling participle?
You Little Dipthong Darling You,
Merciful Lee Dickens
The Leader In Free Moustache Rides To Unaccompanied Women Under 43
(Since 1974)
========================================================================
From: MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS <DICKENS>
Date: 08/18/92 10:07:54
Subject: Reply to FNORD-L
>Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 16:46:43 GMT
>Reply-To: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu>
>From: queue cue <cheating@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
>Subject: FNORD-L
>To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L <FNORD-L@UBVM.cc.buffalo.edu
> In article <1992Aug14.132932.2356@mnemosyne.cs.du.edu
>, amartell@ (Alex Martelli) writes:
>cheating@ccvm.sunysb.edu (queue cue) writes:
> ...
>>And here we go again. Do you know what an alt.group is, son? Do
>>you know, for one thing, that you can easily create an alt.group,
>
>Not without shell access, I can't, and I don't have it here where I
>have altnet access. And I refuse to hack into shell level and quite
>possibly make a mess for the one who makes nyx itself possible, just
>to "easily create" a group for which no widespread interest has been
>shown. See how much you over-assume, sweetiepie?
> Well, er, uh, gee, I guess I, um...
I have never received a nicer flame in my life. Alex, my friend, you had theopen field
before you awaiting the sting of the iron and the best you could get is "anoverripe cabbage
mistakenly worn in lieu of a head"? What are you trying for, rational politediscussion?
Sheesh. The art's dead.
All that aside, in light of your response, I'll try again, in a (sigh) noncombative, reasoned
mode...
First off, the above: you can always request the creation from "the one whomakes nyx
itself possible", assuming (over, no doubt, no doubt) that you've got at leastenough
swing as to be on speaking terms. I *don't* know, of course, what sort ofbarbaric
conditions you work/study/play under, but if you do find someone else on thenet with
shell access who thinks the raw group would be interesting, fait accompli.Still, that's not
much as far as the small point that I was trying to make.
>Point of fact I currently am, although I was not a regular user before
>this, and may well drop it soon. But again you assume too much: there
>are plenty of alt. groups with excellent SNR, from alt.sex.bondage to
>alt.atheism.moderated. AND a SNR of 5, i.e. 16% dross, would be EXCELLENT
>I don't get that much from the most prestigious refereed journals in ANY
>field! In short, you're just spewing your mouth off, of course.
>
Hardly, Alex, hardly. Assuming not your own personal SNR guide (who doesn'trun
slipshod through the things that don't interest us in ANY prestigiousrefereed journal or in
the dailies?), but a list ratio, there are *far* too many people out there whofind one in six
messages of dross excessive and make a point to complain about that (thereby,of course,
adding to it), and I'd be willing to bet you've seen some of them. What'sperhaps of
interest, I've found, is that on those groups with a ratio of, say, 4 or 3 toone, some of the
most useful "discussion" takes place. On the other hand, many of those withlittle noise die
or have such a low traffic as to appear dead. Maybe your groups are different(see,
acquiescence -- I'm trying to be good now), but these are my experiences.
>>Maybe you could rmgroup rec.arts.books.wilson (you'd have to get
>
>Sure, sure, rmgroup a non-existent group. Don't you worry, the men in
>white will be here VERY soon...
>
You're not, Alex, one of those people who need a smilie on everything, areyou? I hope
not, rilly I do.
>>read rec.sex.films to think they've found something more to their
>
>People who "NORMALLY read" a non-existent newsgroup must surely be
>an interesting bunch, so I wouldn't mind meeting them...
>
This, of course, amounts to little more than a spelling flame. I had suchhigh hopes ...
the correct name, for those keeping track, is alt.sex.movies (though I couldtry for a bluff,
I suppose -- "gee, you mean your site doesn't carry rec.sex.films? must be abackwards
place ...").
>>But, even more to the point, bit.listserv.fnord-l *%_IS_%* thenewsgroup
>>and the listserv for discussing these materials. So you find it
>>occasionally filled with items which don't fit the description? Do
>
>No, I found it *exclusively* filled with talk.bizzarre material every
>time I checked.
>
For those who are uncertain, this is a complement. If the material onfnord-l
*approached* the lowest common denominator of talk.bizarre, I'd be mightyproud o' this
li'l listserv. Point-of-fact: majcher has often posted to talk.bizarre;'course, he's just
better at compartmentalizing his attempts at "silliness".
Earnestly, again: if it's "exclusive", then I can but apologize for your badtiming. Did you
catch the RAW interview? You might have found that interesting. You mightalso have
liked a discussion on Reich. Who knows, you might even have found some of DanFoss'
intrepid analyses of our Weltanschauung worthy of clip-&-paste or evenresponse. I don't
know, other than raw, what you'd like to see. I don't own this group, I don'twant to
own this group, I don't rilly have the slightest idea why I'm rising to itsdefense (if it can
be called that). But the point's stands: if you've got something you'd liketo see
discussed, bring it up; you might just be surprised. (At what is anotherquestion (does this need a smilie?).)
>>you know that if you actually have anything to say, you're welcome
>>to do so and ought to find out if there's any interest out there in
>>what you're discussing? At the least, you'll get a kind note from
>
>A gatewayed mailing list is of course not the same thing as a real
>newsgroup, you know. Sure, of course I can plunge there and post
>whatever, but will it do any good?
>
yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyes, or at least I think so.Yes, it isn't
the same, but it is two-way, meaning all of your posts to Usenet will be readby the
subscribers and vice-versa. If that arrangement makes you uncomfortable, youcan always
subscribe ... though getting a bunch of talk.bizarre glossorrhea in yourmailbox might not
make you all that happy. I read it in news only; it's much quicker. If youdo manage to
get an alt.fan.raw created ever, remember this little neck of the woods forcrossposts; it's a
way of keeping people without Usenet access informed and in on the discussion.
>>salsbury inviting you to move over to leri-l where
>>REAL discussion takes place, the haven of those who don't have the
>
>Aha, a SECRET list for initiates, just the thing really.
>
I'm in complete agreement on this point, assuming you're taking an air ofsarcasm here.
I'm not a member of LERI-L, probably couldn't be if I tried, and I would hopethat those
beloved keepers of the flame who started this group would either try to keepit alive with
well reasoned discussion, active participation, or the occasional gem oflate-breaking
news, or, barring that, kill the damn thing. The idea of a "SECRET list forinitiates" is
pretty comical and juvenile, but, sadly, it seems to exist.
Note: It is at this point that my original post completely broke down andthe place where I
expected to receive napalm burns; perhaps Mr. Martelli decided to humor thementally
damaged. Explanation: Without indication, I was no longer referring toanything that Mr.
Martelli wrote but was now beginning my standard rant and rave against thosewho gripe
about content. I would imagine that it was fairly apparent that I wasgrappling with
personal demons, but Mr. Martelli nonetheless responded to what I hadwritten.
>>much easier to point and whine and complain about how there's too
>
>I point only with a mouse, and that rarely. And I only whine when my
>Mistress plays with my chained-up body in particularly devious ways -
>mere whippings don't make me *whine* (pass out, maybe).
>And I'm not complaining about anything, just pointing out a few
>reasons why I'd prefer a Wilson newsgroup ("by any other name") to
>a gatewayed noisy mailing list which seems to meet your approval. I
>aired a proposal, it fell flat, now I'm haunting the net in general with
>occasional grep's for "Wilson" -- may be "much easier" (?than what?),
>but that can be a reason to rant about it only in an overripe cabbage
>mistakenly worn in lieu of a head.
>
First off, it doesn't meet my approval, and, should we meet there in thefuture, you'll find
me one of those particularly bent it would seem on driving the SNR down.
Secondly, I reiterate my above comments about your newsgroup: should yousucceed,
keep bit.listserv.fnord-l in mind. Same goes if you find occasional greps onWilson.
And thirdly...
>>Cretins.
>
>Oh, I believe I am fully prepared for anarchy, after all it's many years
>I've been haunting the nets. Over-assuming idiots who think they know
>every last relevant detail of everything, as you very well exemplified
>in your posting, are a typical part of the price to pay. It's my luck I
>enjoy the peculiar adrenalin rush of a good flamefest, its flavour so
>subtly different and yet hauntingly similar to rock-climbing or a
>knifefight. BTW, what are those two 6-letter wordoids?
>
..let me introduce you to LIBALP, a subscriber, sans Usenet access, who alsoresponded
to your message. He gets a great deal of abuse from the old guard, but hispoints are still,
I think, worthy of attention:
----------------------------Original message---------------------------
>From: LIBALP (General Mills)
>Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
>Subject: Bring 'em on!
>Message-ID: <FNORD-L%92081315031757@UBVM.CC.BUFFALO.EDU>
>Date: 13 Aug 92 18:11:00 GMT >
>And Alex Martelli contributes:
>>Signal to noise ratio close to 0, IMHO. Which is why I had onceproposed
>>an alt.fan.raw, but it fell flat. So now I'm haunting r.a.b - after
>>all if ALL books are to be discussed here, why not Wilson's!
>Since, it has been pointed out, "we" don't amuse y'all, why do "you guys"
>persist in talking like we're supposed to? Amuse us, schmuck! If sloppy,
>get flamed, we all live with it.
>How many times do I have to say this until it ceases to be signal and
>becomes noise, Mr. Martelli, since you have the rare ability to alwaysdistinguish
>between the two?
>I've gotten into a frame of mind where I find value in Everything that's
>posted. Is that good or bad?
>Maybe when we aren't so busy Disapproving and Having Opinions
>we find time to think for ourselves.
>
>Discordians emphasize the active part of discord, i.e. spreading it.
>But there's another story, isn't there? Receiving it. Did Illuminatus
>tell us the story of the unhappy, disgruntled shop-workers that Markoff
>Chaney pissed-off? Could not one of them have been, dare I say it, a
>fledgling SubGenius? Are you under the impression that you will ALWAYS
>be in on the joke?
>
>Every time we make fun, every time we spread discord, please remember:
>THERE IS SOMEONE ON THE OTHER END AND SOMETIMES THAT PERSON IS YOU
>Sometimes it's all of us (except Foss).
>Any asshole can spread discord. The accomplishment is taking it with
>a sense of humor.
>Did Stang say it would always be sweet and fun and polite and
>comprehensible?
>FUCK NO! Learn to enjoy paranoia and derision! Stop complaining! Fight
>back.
-----------------------------End of message----------------------------
That's LIBALP (there's more below, on a related issue), a charming lad; this,of course,
should be understood in context: This is an ongoing battle, a question ofwhether one can
participate or not at the level of discordian or whether things must be at thelevel of (as
jprovo puts it) another uninteresting pseudo-intellectual discussion group.
You are looking for items on R.A. Wilson. If this is not to your liking,fine; enough said,
no need to respond (to FNORD-L, please), and good luck on your searching. Ifit makes
even a close approximation to resemblance, and if you want to wage polite war,come on
down, invite your friends.
(BTW, "subtly different and yet hauntingly similar" was a most excellenttouch.)
Consider this an experiment, if you will; I'm curious to see if the old guardof this list can
keep a discussion up (which they were able to do for the first month and ahalf that it
existed (isn't it about to celebrate its anniversary?); should I repost someof those early
messages?) if they have someone with an obvious intelligence (how's flatterymake you
want to play?) makes an attempt to initiate an actual discussion.
>Nice to see you're enjoying this, too. BTW, do you like rockclimbing (bar
>handed best), knifefights or bondage, too? The former allows less rolepla
>than flamefests or the latter two, but has REAL danger to life and limbs t
>compensate -- and that's where I'm off to for the next 2 weeks, so, have
>good adrenalin rushes in the meantime, and, see you in September, assuming
>I've managed to avoid splattering myself on some rocky ridge.
>
Ah, bare-handed, on the cliffs, overlooking the ocean; brief pause as Irecall a happier,
more idyllic time of my youth. Haven't been in a knifefight in years, and thelast was a
rather pathetic stalemate. Bondage? Verbal abuse is essential, plate-dodgingadds that air -
- my love is like a red, red rose, and she reads these things, y'know, so Imust keep it
rather civil and civic and uninspiredly unrevealing. She's Irish, you see;boxing gold
medals are not incidental information. I try to have a green-grown mad,madrenaline-
command rush daily; be careful, and congratulations: some of us don't getnon-working
vacations.
More, for what it's worth, follows on a discussion of whether one can avoidacting the
role of an anarchist on an "anarchist" list (Xtropians) without beinghypocritical.
----------------------------Original message---------------------------
>Message-ID: <FNORD-L%92081412092097@UBVM.CC.BUFFALO.EDU>
>Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
>Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 11:42:00 EDT
>Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
>From: General Mills <LIBALP>
>Subject: Beating a dead horse
>
>>Personal Freedom:
>> anarchocapitalist politics, free-market economics, cryptography,
>> privacy, digital cash, electronic communication
>
>From the intro post, the Extropians seem to want anarchic politics, butnot
>an anarchic list. Do Fnordians think this possible/proper/silly/not-worth
>thinking-about or what?
>Can democracy work if the people are all fascists? Can you have an
>anarchic political system if the people dislike anarchy on a personallevel?
>You are all required to answer, all 100+- of you.
-----------------------------End of message----------------------------
>Message-ID: <FNORD-L%92081414423213@UBVM.CC.BUFFALO.EDU>
>Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
>Date: Fri, 14 Aug 1992 14:35:00 EDT
>Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
>From: General Mills <LIBALP>
>Subject: Re: Salamander
>
>>:That list was created for the discussion of Extropian ideas
>>and such - much as this one was created for the discussion of
>>RAW/Leary, et al...and, from what I've seen over the last year+, I'd
>>say that their list policies work a lot better than this one's FNORD-L..
>
>Bravo, Salamander. I've never seen anyone miss the point quite sothoroughly.
>I don't care what the Extropians do. I tried to use their policies as a
>springboard for an independent and relevant discussion, which you claim
>to prize so much, when you can keep up. Can we try to get out of
>complaining mode now?
>
>Forget the Extropians. I'll rephrase:
>Can you successfully (and sincerely) advocate anarchy without behaving in
>an anarchic manner?
>Please, try again.
-----------------------------End of message----------------------------
----------------------------Original message---------------------------
>Message-ID: <FNORD-L%92081709084573@UBVM.CC.BUFFALO.EDU>
>Newsgroups: bit.listserv.fnord-l
>Date: Mon, 17 Aug 1992 08:23:00 EDT
>Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
>From: Slimm Laramie <LIBALP>
>Subject: The story so far . . .
>
>And from mbm:
>>that on the instant rules out new forms of language and being. Talkingabout
>>the new is fine, but what is wrong with trying to enact it on fnord?That
>Thank you, mbm, thank you.
>This was my point about the anarchy question. Would you, for
>example, expect orderly discussion on an anarchist list? Or, closer tohome
>on a list that claims to embrace Discordianism? If you talk the talk,isn't
>it okay to walk the walk?
>
>One way of looking at this li'l matter, that will be perhaps familiar and
>acceptable to even the strict list constructionists, is this:
>I think Pat, Salamander, and whoever, want New Ways of Thinking talk to
>stick to the 3rd circuit. It doesn't seem meaningful unless it's
>intellectual (and intelligible, hyuk!). I notice a seeming dislike of the
>weird, the confusing, and the silly by you guys (I include here Mr. Alex
>Martelli, who, I'm told, can't hear me so why do I bother?).
>
>Hypocrisy: Yes, mbm, I like to talk freely about stuff. I would hate to
>be held accountable for every half-assed remark I made. But, to embracethe
>ideas that this list embraces, AND want everyone to behave, is too much
>for me to swallow. Maybe Robert Holder would agree . . . ?
-----------------------------End of message----------------------------
Aside to LIBALP: Well, now he has; do note, though, that he said he would beout until
September, barring tragedy, so don't expect anything before that.
M, who hereby resolves never to do this again, as it's probably a tremendouswaste of
time.
Thanks to JS for the place to post from as my account is still embroiled inthat Late
Unpleasantness...
oom-pah-pah
********************************************************************
*** Comments from HIS MOST ARROGANT MALE MAJESTY FELONIOUS CUBE:
Darn it!
(I forgot what I was going to say)
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