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========================================================================
Date: Fri, 2 Apr 1993 15:23:24 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Scott Lesser <LESSER>
Subject: uh, right. uh-huh...yeah.
>>Matthew Hupert <cx164@>
>>no need to shed a tear for ol uncle tim
>>i run into him every few yerars,...
Oh, ok.
>>...or as he said to me
>>turn on tune in take over
He said that to you? He said that to me, too! I bet he says that
to allthe cute, young pieces of ass out there...
>>ps (tim..are u there? what happened after the Virtual Reality
>> show with RA WILSON.. i say u at bayou, but
>> u never showed up after that. Then had dinner
>> with bob wilson afters, and he wondered whered you get
>> to anyway.too....
That's how it goes, Matt. After they get what they want, you never see them,
they never call... Serves you right, you little slut. You've got one man onyour arm at dinner,
and you're waiting for another. Tawdry free-hole.
>>free your mind
>>and your ass
>>will follow
Free mind, indeed! Please compose an eight page essay on the mind/body split
in Western thought, with references to _Symposium_, and a scratch and sniff
appendix. References to Barney the Dinosaur, not supported directly by the
text, will be disregarded. No handwritten papers will be accepted.
Ouch. I just dropped a name on my toe. uh, right.uh-huh...yeah.
=============================================================
Date: Fri, 2 Apr 1993 16:27:53 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: INTEROFFICE MEMORANDUM
In-Reply-To: Message of Fri, 2 Apr 1993 15:23:24 -0500 from <LESSER>
On Fri, 2 Apr 1993 15:23:24 -0500 Scott Lesser said:
> >>...or as he said to me
> >>turn on tune in take over
>
> He said that to you? He said that to me, too! I bet he says that
> to all the cute, young pieces of ass out there...
>
> Free mind, indeed! Please compose an eight page essay on the mind/bodysplit
> in Western thought, with references to _Symposium_, and a scratch andsniff
> appendix. References to Barney the Dinosaur, not supported directly bythe
> text, will be disregarded. No handwritten papers will be accepted.
>
> Ouch. I just dropped a name on my toe.
TO: CYNOVY
FROM: GM
RE: LESSER
I believe this young man could be of use to us in our noble fight. Let's
get our good personal friend *KERRY THORNLEY* to aid us in controlling
his mind.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 7 Apr 1993 15:35:44 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNOVY
Subject: Failsafe Tim
Last time I saw Tim, we were part of a Tourist Board which had been
established to promote the changing of hands -- I lost track of how
many times it had been done -- of the Panama Canal; the job paid very
little, but had its moments, and since both of us were fresh out of
the workhouse (different ones, he was locked up down in southern Ill.,
while I was on a citrus grove plantation), we took what we bloody well
got, grateful. Anyway, one of the rotating assignments was who had
to dress up like the Cuna shaman, which was a drag, as, for the sake
of the camera-toting beancounters, this "interpretive dance" with lots
of chanting came with the beaded suit, and, when it was really hot,
and the tourists were feeling it, management insisted the dance get
'em wanting to burn some holes in their pockets, so no lolling about.
This one time, Tim found his name up -- and it must have been over
110 that day -- and you could tell this didn't sit well with him.
In truth, I nearly volunteered to take his place, as his 68 year old
tush sagged notably, if you follow. But I'd just done it the day
before, a particularly grueling affair where some dad went and griped
to the varnished brass that I was deliberately scaring his daughter
... anyway, I kept my mouth shut, and so Tim got himself ready, when
lo! and behold! what should we get but a pregnant woman, about to DIE
in the heat, deep in her last trimester. So Tim starts up, and about
three minutes through, she just drops, flat, and -- and I'll never
forget this, the speed that that old guy still possessed -- Tim fuckin'
enters her goddamn uterus. I think he slayed a three-headed dog, if
I'm not confusing my stories. Goddamn incredible. And y'know what
he says afterwards? "In the Zande language, it's paradoxical to doubt
the accuracy of an oracular statement." I later found out that he'd
paraphrased something Gordie had told him on the beach in Normandy,
but I still can visualize his satisfied smile as he wiped the blood
from his upper lip. Of course, he was fired on the spot.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 9 Apr 1993 11:17:23 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNOVY
Organization: Skin on a Steaming Wand
Subject: Re: Remembrance of Things . . . .Nothing
In-Reply-To: <FNORD-L%93040911332070@UBVM.CC.BUFFALO.EDU>
In article <FNORD-L%93040911332070@UBVM.CC.BUFFALO.EDU> LIBALP wrote:
>I remember seeing Irish crooner Scooey O'Dea sing at the Lava Lounge in
>Kona. He did "Du bist wie ein Blumenthal", "O thou Blackest heart ofSatan",
>a version of Megazone's "Obvious Song", and an odd bit of fusion called
>"Death Don't have no Mersey". Master skins-basher Robert Holder waswith
>him, bashing skin like there was no tomorrow. And there wasn't, inthose
>days, but we made do with what we had and didn't complain, because we
>didn't know things could be any different. And they can't, because
>the Original Disturbance has made all things fix-ed in their proper
>spheres, where the rats can't get to them. Fuckin' rats. Did I say
>"skins-basher"? I meant "shin-basher".
>
>gm
Skin on a Steaming Wand appreciates this wry bit of code from our
sister organization, and would like it to be noted that our rats have
all been placed on red alert. You also might wish to check the pink
champagne ballroom sphere, as, the last time anyone had checked, one
of the rats had managed to gnaw a small hole through the side, and
viscous fluid was seen to be leaking out. You have been warned.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Sun, 11 Apr 1993 02:02:29 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Subject: pogrom note
ET AL ADLER should be understood as the National Airline of the State of
Israel and as such having nothing whatsoever to do with my good friend Dr Allan
Adler, PhD (Mathematics), 1974, subsequently Distinguished - I forget for what
- Professor of Mathematics, Brandeis University, Waltham MA, shortly departing
from this position thereafter to take up residence at the J.M. Tata Institute
for Advanced Theoretical Research, Bangalore, Hydrabad State, Republic of
India, where is work, if any, on the development of thus far succesfully
developed fission and possibly also fusion devices very nearly used in the very
near war of 1990 and quite certain to be used in the forthcoming irrepressible
conflict for which this writer has been damned a thousand times over by Indians
& friends of theirs as "PARANOID beyond belief, so PARANOID it buggers the
imagination," by numerous Indians and certain fiends of theirs at the Johns
Hopkins University, on the grounds that "It is not in anyone's foreseeable or
imaginable interests to go to war over the issues outstanding; this would
represent sheer irrationality, &x., &c...." As of course it wasn't in
1990 either....
So don't *make a tzimmes* about it, Al, it was an aesthetic thing, pure and
simple, albeit my poetic licence was revoked along with the licence to operate
a mind. What, actually, can you say after ET AL? ET AL ADLER, sure enough.
This has been a Sutter's Mill Gold Prospector's Disclaimer in collaboration
with the Silicon Corporation of America.
Sincerely, Daniel A. Foss
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 1993 10:58:30 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Subject: Tiresome Academia-L
In-Reply-To: Message of Mon, 12 Apr 1993 10:20:15 EDT from <CYNOVY>
On Mon, 12 Apr 1993 10:20:15 EDT <CYNOVY> said:
>Sorry, I'll try again, taking the soon-to-be-numberone-terrorist-objective
>Channel Tunnel, with a rilly Discordian (woooooo woo woo woo!) passage
>non-translated: "Mais il faut aller plus loin que la simple opposition
>entre le point de vue semiotique et le point de vue semantique, et
>subordonner nettement le premier au second; les deux plans du signe
>et du discours ne sont pas seulement distincts, le premier est une
>abstraction du second; c'est a son usage dans le discours que le signe
>doit en derniere analyse son sens meme de signe; comment saurions-nous
>qu'un signe %vaut pour...%, s'il ne recevait pas, de son %emploi% dans
>le discours, sa visee, qui le rapporte a cela meme %pour quoi% il
>vaut?" --Paul "Hangnail" Ricoeur. I'd happily take Ricoeur's rhetorical
>question with that silent awe fitting for such questions, and merely
>agree with your own above, Billy Libalp, that, no, it helps us not
>at all, unless we're in on Pat's special lingo. I've read his Passion
>on VISION a few times; I don't have the damnedest idea what the hell
>he might even want to mean by VISION. There ain't no specific criterion
>as regards VISION, and I'd say son emploi is as a marker for Pat's
>ability to be stricken. VISION makes communication nil, which is,
>of course, precisely as I'd have it; shall we discuss what kinds of
>really neat emotions po-ems are capable of now? And you're not in
>over your head: I don't like the "words as river rafts or mules that
>bear the weight of their usage" metaphor, but that's due to a line
>in the SoaSW charter; I'm made much more a-flutter by a "the usage
>of words and phrases which invoke discourse and contexts not immediately
>relevant merely befuddle and baffle" -- which, once again, is how I'd
>have it -- approach. Or, simply, a rule is its use.
>
What? No "Yeah, well flutter someplace else, pal" or "Mule this"?
It's up to me, then. Everyone else slapping head with meat must be.
How are "words and phrases which invoke discourse and
contexts not immediately relevant" different from "loaded words"?
Better yet, let's replace that whole phrase with "foreign words and
phrases" and see where you stand, Mr. Befuddler-Baffler.
A rule is its use. A tool is its use. Therefore, a rule is a tool.
And all men are Socrates. Let's see who bites.
>And I am spurious; Skin on a Steaming Wand gladly invites any members
>to flutter inconclusively on any of the above and then, in the end,
>choose not to post after all. And if you'd allow me to switch the
>bloomin' letters, we'd all be better off. So, in the spirit of my
>own personal agony, allow me to sign myself, simply,
>
>H.
I feel as if there were three when there are only two.
"I dropped a drop into the pool, and then she turned and swam." -TMBG
gm
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 15 Apr 1993 10:33:44 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: FANGWELL@TIM.ORTHO.ORG
Organization: First Church of Tim Redeemer
Subject: WISDOM OF TIM
We read from the book of Tim:
20:31 "You see the tree outside. They are of the non-living."
23:14 "How many people do you see changing the tree limbs that
reach up to the sky?"
31:31 "All things in the Universe are the results of these small
things that happen."
42:8 "The design is what make the explosion."
42:10 "Size has no meaning. I wouldn't be surprised if we were the
organisms of microrganisms."
48:9 "When you spell a word backwards you are just getting a closer
grip on the idea. You are not getting an idea, you are going
over backwards what you experienced."
This is the word of Tim.
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1993 09:00:00 -0000
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: HONCHO@NEW.CHEATING.EMPIRE
Organization: Lords of the New Cheating Empire.
Subject: Announcement
Sometime on April 8, 1993, BRAINCOP@REALLY.BIG.ORG said:
This list founded 1991 by this org, under cover of Special Agent P.Salsbury,
aka Caterpillar. Purpose: Prevent Dr. Leary from obtaining drugs during
major marketing push. Within weeks of founding, Agent Caterpillar subverted
by Illuminati factions under the control of D. Boyd; this organization
severs contact with this list, depriving Salsbury of his unique ability
to understand the butterfly. Much confusion ensues. Following mysterious
death of D. Boyd, control of agent Caterpillar passes to international
terrorist and bon vivant G. Mills, known associate of sporadic Cultural
Hegemon C. Cuthbert. Mills and Cuthbert align with forces under the
command of The Supreme Cheating and his powerful Ally and Gun Moll, H.
Uniatz; through skillful manipulation and the timely intervention of
D. Foss, Mills and associates manage to transform list FNORD-L into a
forum for the vigorous and near-lucid discussion of list FNORD-L. Agent
Caterpillar deemed superfluous; "retired".
As of today, 8 April 1993, Braincop announces intent to reassume control
of this list. Purpose: prevent Dr. Leary from obtaining virtual reality
devices preparatory to major marketing push. Suggest all known associates
of Dr. Leary be liquidated soonest. Particular attention to be given to
associates with punctuation difficulties. This org prepared to reinstate
Agent Caterpillar and, if necessary, restore his ability to understand the
butterfly. You have been warned.
Braincop
"Harboring resentment since 1993"
*****************
We regret to inform the denizens of FNORD that Braincop has beenneutralized.
Sure, he still can be seen dining at finer restaurants in major metropolitan
capitols, but we control him now. Agent Robert McElwaine will be keepingtabs
on his activities and progress; any rants seen on this list attributed tothe
entity "Braincop" will be re-written by his own hand as soon as we catch him
and employ our customary methids. We are left with no alternative, as youonce
proud soldiers have fallen limp under the supervision of this half-witted
cretin.
The Barney Cheating will now serve as our official field commander -- he canbe
readily identified from the "real" Barney by the cigar he constantly chewson,
and his increased libido over that of the other Barney.
Our first order of business will be to crack down on the use of pleasantries
and the convivial atmosphere that seems to be seeping in here. Henceforth
any use of the words/phrases "peace", "thank you", or "The Leader in..."
(Merciful Lee Dickens excepting), will be punished according to our proper
judegement.
Also, the entity "Melaney" (a.k.a. Melanie, Wormbait, Missy) shallhenceforth
be confined to her quarters until a suitable replicant can be created. Weknow
you've been cowering in that corner spying for some time now, Missy.
Watch this space for fun and neat prizes!
Lords of the New Cheating Empire
"Always at least a day ahead of the rest..."
.
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 14 Apr 1993 11:38:05 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNOVY
Organization: Skin on a Steaming Wand
Subject: Re: Tiresome Academia-L
>Subject: Tiresome Academia-L
Billy Libalp is of course absolutely correct, and I bow to his general
superiority as well as specifically pointing out that discussions which
might contain any degree of merit have no place here. Look for SoaSW's
next post, where I relate the time that Follesdol, Hintikka, and I got
totally shitfaced and purchased some whores with the Department's petty
cash supply.
>> VISION makes communication nil, which is,
>>of course, precisely as I'd have it; shall we discuss what kinds of
>>really neat emotions po-ems are capable of now? And you're not in
>>over your head: I don't like the "words as river rafts or mules that
>>bear the weight of their usage" metaphor, but that's due to a line
>>in the SoaSW charter; I'm made much more a-flutter by a "the usage
>>of words and phrases which invoke discourse and contexts notimmediately
>>relevant merely befuddle and baffle" -- which, once again, is howI'd
>>have it -- approach. Or, simply, a rule is its use.
>>
>What? No "Yeah, well flutter someplace else, pal" or "Mule this"?
>It's up to me, then.
>
Oh, hooray. The list's hero goes forth, pop gun with the handle
pointing up in hand, and swears an oath that he'll rid the list of
such evil intrusions. And the list mutters, "Maybe *this* will be
the end of our hero."
> Everyone else slapping head with meat must be.
>
Or before a paying audience rehearsed monologues spouting.
>How are "words and phrases which invoke discourse and
>contexts not immediately relevant" different from "loaded words"?
>
They're not, Arthur. If you say they're not, they're not. Which is,
elsewhere, one of my points. However, I note that you're not saying
that, but, rather, in a letter that begins by indicating that such
inquiries are not to be tolerated here, you're asking for further
clarification. I'll happily be strung along, because I like you, Billy.
I object to the latter phrase because it contains what is to me an
ugly metaphor, and one that is unnecessary and somewhat risky, in light
of what the first phrase says, I think, much more clearly. You're, of
course, of COURSE, entitled to argue that it's no more clear at all,
but that's not what you're doing, not here. I'll also point out that
my observation that you of all people would be wary about using such
a word as "loaded" is that you have demonstrated repeatedly an interest
with such charming reactionary railings against language as e-prime and
basic english. Thus, in the initial point, where, guess what, little
buddy, I was agreeing with your criticisms of Pat's VISION statement, I
also noted that you could take a bit more time, if it meant as much as
you'd like to claim, to "freshen up" your language a bit more. I was,
admittedly, placing a great deal of faith in your abilities.
>Better yet, let's replace that whole phrase with "foreign words and
>phrases" and see where you stand, Mr. Befuddler-Baffler.
>
Depends, grub, what you mean by "foreign". Do you mean "French"? I'd
say I stand, er, somewhere in the domain that it's not relevant, not
at all, if the language isn't franca universel, or is, or is written
in C++. It's a quote, you can't translate it, and I reiterate what
I felt to be the essential points in my own thoughtful and only semi-
coherent section that followed. Do you mean foreign to the current
discourse, like, say, this discussion? I stand with everything I've
just said, as it's more or less the same, and at least as elegant as
"loaded words". Do you mean "Southern", like Dana's "Whale cum own"?
You'd be much more artful in supplying the meaning of the slow drawl
that "burdens" (as in, "loaded") our quaint Southern folk. Or do you
mean "foreign" as in that croud of individuals who have climbed into
this well from the good-buddy sector of JAZZ-L (Dana of course not
included) where they hold forth on tax forms (oops, sorry, that *was*
Dana, wasn't it?)? No, of *course* you don't.
>A rule is its use. A tool is its use. Therefore, a rule is a tool.
>
Did yo Momma teach you that? Yes, this is, at last, logic for the
True Discordian. Here, have a parallel example: "Arthur is his own
creature. A genital wart is its own creature. Therefore, Arthur is
a genital wart." Despite your syphilitic syllogism, I'd agree with
the third sentence; a rule is as good as Hop o' My Thumb. So, then,
your point would be...?
>And all men are Socrates.
>
Oh! I get it! You were being fun-ny! Hyuk!
> Let's see who bites.
>
You taste mighty fine, Arturo.
>I feel as if there were three when there are only two.
>
Leaving so soon? Don't let the door blah blah blah.
>"I dropped a drop into the pool, and then she turned and swam." -TMBG
>
"
>gm
>
H.
[Note: The above is for entertainment purposes only. Any misuse of the
above may result in loss of life, limb, or property, and not necessarily
in that order. The above was commissioned by LIBALP, who
requested that SoaSW & Associates produce a "Tantrum". SoaSW would also
like it to be known that we are available for parties, and we also do
"Waltzes", "Fugues", and "High Speed Winds".]
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1993 08:48:24 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Subject: Re: Tiresome Macadamia-L
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed, 14 Apr 1993 11:38:05 EDT from <CYNOVY>
On Wed, 14 Apr 1993 11:38:05 EDT <CYNOVY> said:
>>Subject: Tiresome Academia-L
>Billy Libalp is of course absolutely correct, and I bow to his general
>superiority as well as specifically pointing out that discussions which
>might contain any degree of merit have no place here. Look for SoaSW's
>next post, where I relate the time that Follesdol, Hintikka, and I got
>totally shitfaced and purchased some whores with the Department's petty
>cash supply.
>
I feel as if there were several where there are only several.
E Pluribus Several.
>>What? No "Yeah, well flutter someplace else, pal" or "Mule this"?
>>It's up to me, then.
>>
>Oh, hooray. The list's hero goes forth, pop gun with the handle
>pointing up in hand, and swears an oath that he'll rid the list of
>such evil intrusions. And the list mutters, "Maybe *this* will be
>the end of our hero."
>
Oh, is the mighty Ch-, excuse me, CYNOVY going to favor us with some
sarcasm now? "Ooh, sign me up for that!"
>> Everyone else slapping head with meat must be.
>>
>Or before a paying audience rehearsed monologues spouting.
>
If you're rehearsing without me, I will sue for breach of contract.
I've got Cuthbert and Cuthbert on the phone right now.
>>How are "words and phrases which invoke discourse and
>>contexts not immediately relevant" different from "loaded words"?
>>
>They're not, Arthur. If you say they're not, they're not. Which is,
>elsewhere, one of my points. However, I note that you're not saying
>that, but, rather, in a letter that begins by indicating that such
>inquiries are not to be tolerated here, you're asking for further
>clarification.
Wow, the irony's overwhelming, now that you point that out. And who's
"Arthur"?
> I'll happily be strung along, because I like you, Billy.
>I object to the latter phrase because it contains what is to me an
>ugly metaphor, and one that is unnecessary and somewhat risky, in light
>of what the first phrase says, I think, much more clearly. You're, of
>course, of COURSE, entitled to argue that it's no more clear at all,
>but that's not what you're doing, not here. I'll also point out that
>my observation that you of all people would be wary about using such
>a word as "loaded" is that you have demonstrated repeatedly an interest
>with such charming reactionary railings against language as e-prime and
>basic english. Thus, in the initial point, where, guess what, little
>buddy, I was agreeing with your criticisms of Pat's VISION statement, I
Guess what, Skipper, I knew that. But if you can agree with me, and yeteven
still already give me a headache, I will "cause trouble".
Hee-hee-hee. Did I say "Skipper"? I meant "Professor".
>also noted that you could take a bit more time, if it meant as much as
>you'd like to claim, to "freshen up" your language a bit more. I was,
>admittedly, placing a great deal of faith in your abilities.
1) It doesn't. 2) I keep telling you . . .
>Depends, grub, what you mean by "foreign". Do you mean "French"? I'd
No, of course not, as we are all French speakers here, living in a
French-speaking country, eating Brie, pissing on the wall, and having
intelligent discussions conducted entirely in French. (Insert Jerry
Lewis joke here)
>say I stand, er, somewhere in the domain that it's not relevant, not
>at all, if the language isn't franca universel, or is, or is written
>in C++. It's a quote, you can't translate it, and I reiterate what
>I felt to be the essential points in my own thoughtful and only semi-
>coherent section that followed. Do you mean foreign to the current
I keep reminding myself that you're not a name-dropper. Like this: "CYNOVY
does not drop name. CYNOVY does not drop name." It eases my resentment.
>discourse, like, say, this discussion? I stand with everything I've
>just said, as it's more or less the same, and at least as elegant as
>"loaded words". Do you mean "Southern", like Dana's "Whale cum own"?
>You'd be much more artful in supplying the meaning of the slow drawl
>that "burdens" (as in, "loaded") our quaint Southern folk. Or do you
>mean "foreign" as in that croud of individuals who have climbed into
>this well from the good-buddy sector of JAZZ-L (Dana of course not
>included) where they hold forth on tax forms (oops, sorry, that *was*
>Dana, wasn't it?)? No, of *course* you don't.
I won't panic here, as it should be clear that CYNOVY and libalp are
separate entities. Further distancing measures should not be necessary.
I will, however, pray, just in case.
>>A rule is its use. A tool is its use. Therefore, a rule is a tool.
>>
>Did yo Momma teach you that? Yes, this is, at last, logic for the
>True Discordian. Here, have a parallel example: "Arthur is his own
>creature. A genital wart is its own creature. Therefore, Arthur is
>a genital wart." Despite your syphilitic syllogism, I'd agree with
>the third sentence; a rule is as good as Hop o' My Thumb. So, then,
>your point would be...?
>
>>And all men are Socrates.
>>
>Oh! I get it! You were being fun-ny! Hyuk!
>
Bingo. Disqualified. (I am *so* ashamed of you.)
>> Let's see who bites.
>>
>You taste mighty fine, Arturo.
>
Lousy cannibal.
>>I feel as if there were three when there are only two.
>>
>Leaving so soon? Don't let the door blah blah blah.
>
Come to think of it, "Don't let the door hit you on the FACE on the way out"
is more insulting. Why haven't we heard that?
>[Note: The above is for entertainment purposes only. Any misuse of the
>above may result in loss of life, limb, or property, and not necessarily
>in that order. The above was commissioned by LIBALP, who
>requested that SoaSW & Associates produce a "Tantrum". SoaSW wouldalso
>like it to be known that we are available for parties, and we also do
>"Waltzes", "Fugues", and "High Speed Winds".]
I get it, "blowhard", right? Haw!
gm
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 16 Apr 1993 09:06:51 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNOVY
Subject: Re: Tiresome 'Madam, I'm Adam'-L
In-Reply-To: Message of Fri, 16 Apr 1993 08:48:24 EDT from <LIBALP>
>>Billy Libalp is of course absolutely correct, and I bow to hisgeneral
>>superiority as well as specifically pointing out that discussionswhich
>>might contain any degree of merit have no place here. Look forSoaSW's
>>next post, where I relate the time that Follesdol, Hintikka, and Igot
>>totally shitfaced and purchased some whores with the Department'spetty
>>cash supply.
>>
>I feel as if there were several where there are only several.
>E Pluribus Several.
>
Hey, is that a foreign word and phrase? Is that why I don't understand
it? Gosh, could you not baffle-befuddle me, Mr. General?
>>Oh, hooray. The list's hero goes forth, pop gun with the handle
>>pointing up in hand, and swears an oath that he'll rid the list of
>>such evil intrusions. And the list mutters, "Maybe *this* will be
>>the end of our hero."
>>
>Oh, is the mighty Ch-, excuse me, CYNOVY going to favor us with some
>sarcasm now? "Ooh, sign me up for that!"
>
CYNOVY don't do sarcasm. CYNOVY repeats what others have said, however.
>>Or before a paying audience rehearsed monologues spouting.
>>
>If you're rehearsing without me, I will sue for breach of contract.
>I've got Cuthbert and Cuthbert on the phone right now.
>
I'll see your two Cuthberts and raise you a Melaney Wormbait. PUNKS.
>>They're not, Arthur. If you say they're not, they're not. Whichis,
>>elsewhere, one of my points. However, I note that you're not saying
>>that, but, rather, in a letter that begins by indicating that such
>>inquiries are not to be tolerated here, you're asking for further
>>clarification.
>
>Wow, the irony's overwhelming, now that you point that out. And who's
>"Arthur"?
>
Character in that film. Alcoholic millionaire. Wait -- was I pointing
out "irony"? I thought I was pointing out "leaking faucet". Damn,
must get them straight.
>> I'll happily be strung along, because I like you,Billy.
>>I object to the latter phrase because it contains what is to me an
>>ugly metaphor, and one that is unnecessary and somewhat risky, inlight
>>of what the first phrase says, I think, much more clearly. You're,of
>>course, of COURSE, entitled to argue that it's no more clear at all,
>>but that's not what you're doing, not here. I'll also point outthat
>>my observation that you of all people would be wary about using such
>>a word as "loaded" is that you have demonstrated repeatedly aninterest
>>with such charming reactionary railings against language as e-primeand
>>basic english. Thus, in the initial point, where, guess what,little
>>buddy, I was agreeing with your criticisms of Pat's VISION statement,I
>
>Guess what, Skipper, I knew that. But if you can agree with me, and yeteven
>still already give me a headache, I will "cause trouble".
>Hee-hee-hee. Did I say "Skipper"? I meant "Professor".
>
When you gonna start, Mary Anne? Words amount to less than a shot
of ibuprofen with a tequilla chaser.
>>also noted that you could take a bit more time, if it meant as muchas
>>you'd like to claim, to "freshen up" your language a bit more. Iwas,
>>admittedly, placing a great deal of faith in your abilities.
>
>1) It doesn't. 2) I keep telling you . . .
>
1)Ah! But you'd at least humor those of us who make our fortunes (2
bits last I checked) off of such things by sharing yer very learned
background, wouldya? Please? 2)You lie.
>>Depends, grub, what you mean by "foreign". Do you mean "French"?I'd
>
>No, of course not, as we are all French speakers here, living in a
>French-speaking country, eating Brie, pissing on the wall, and having
>intelligent discussions conducted entirely in French. (Insert Jerry
>Lewis joke here)
>
And so you voted what way on the English Only law? Sorry, though,
you're right. I hate Jerry Lee and what he did to that poor girl.
(By the way, nice self-restraint on line 2.)
>>say I stand, er, somewhere in the domain that it's not relevant, not
>>at all, if the language isn't franca universel, or is, or is written
>>in C++. It's a quote, you can't translate it, and I reiterate what
>>I felt to be the essential points in my own thoughtful and onlysemi-
>>coherent section that followed. Do you mean foreign to the current
>
>I keep reminding myself that you're not a name-dropper. Like this:"CYNOVY
>does not drop name. CYNOVY does not drop name." It eases myresentment.
>
But I am and do. Watch: "Matthew Hupert". That oughta get me a few
bonus points, though also ought to do nothing to ease your inflammation,
which, I suppose, is more or less how it should be.
>>discourse, like, say, this discussion? I stand with everything I've
>>just said, as it's more or less the same, and at least as elegant as
>>"loaded words". Do you mean "Southern", like Dana's "Whale cumown"?
>>You'd be much more artful in supplying the meaning of the slow drawl
>>that "burdens" (as in, "loaded") our quaint Southern folk. Or doyou
>>mean "foreign" as in that croud of individuals who have climbed into
>>this well from the good-buddy sector of JAZZ-L (Dana of course not
>>included) where they hold forth on tax forms (oops, sorry, that*was*
>>Dana, wasn't it?)? No, of *course* you don't.
>
>I won't panic here, as it should be clear that CYNOVY and libalp are
>separate entities. Further distancing measures should not be necessary.
>I will, however, pray, just in case.
>
Well, *THAT* ought to do it. You're Catholic, right?
>>Did yo Momma teach you that? Yes, this is, at last, logic for the
>>True Discordian. Here, have a parallel example: "Arthur is his own
>>creature. A genital wart is its own creature. Therefore, Arthur is
>>a genital wart." Despite your syphilitic syllogism, I'd agree with
>>the third sentence; a rule is as good as Hop o' My Thumb. So, then,
>>your point would be...?
>>
>>Oh! I get it! You were being fun-ny! Hyuk!
>>
>Bingo. Disqualified. (I am *so* ashamed of you.)
>
No, you're wrong; I never called B14. Sit down and shut up. (By the
way, *I* thought it was fun-ny. I laughed. Which, most rightfully,
means I was never disqualified in the first place, as all members of
the LIBALP fan club wear plastic groucho glasses & nose so that they're
not subjected to anyone's misplaced Pride in the first case.)
>>You taste mighty fine, Arturo.
>>
>Lousy cannibal.
>
Please! I don't swallow!
>>Leaving so soon? Don't let the door blah blah blah.
>>
>Come to think of it, "Don't let the door hit you on the FACE on the wayout"
>is more insulting. Why haven't we heard that?
>
Is it? How about "Don't let the door hit your Mother on the FACE on
the way out"? No, that's not insulting, not at all.
>>[Note: The above is for entertainment purposes only. Any misuse ofthe
>>above may result in loss of life, limb, or property, and notnecessarily
>>in that order. The above was commissioned by LIBALP, who
>>requested that SoaSW & Associates produce a "Tantrum". SoaSW wouldalso
>>like it to be known that we are available for parties, and we alsodo
>>"Waltzes", "Fugues", and "High Speed Winds".]
>
>I get it, "blowhard", right? Haw!
>
No flames, please. (If CYNOVY and libalp were one when everyone sees
two, this should read, "Bingo. Disqualified. (I'm *so* ashamed of
you.)")
>gm
hm
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 21 Apr 1993 14:06:03 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: Re: sniff, sniff
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
21 Apr 1993 13:23:23 -0400 from
<HEY@DONT.GET.YOUR.DANDER.IN.AN.UPROAR>
On Wed, 21 Apr 1993 13:23:23 -0400 YourPal said:
>>MOD will not stand by and watch the good name of Cheating get rapedby
>>witless dorks.
>>
>>Next time it's personal.
>>
>>gm
>
>Begging the question, who would you stand by and let rape the good nameof
>Cheating?
What question? (Avttyr evtug onpx ng lbh! Unu!)
Cuthbert, Mr.T, Bono, Glenn Close, and Yoda.
>Anyway, with your big words you've gone and made the big purple guy cry,you
>big bully; I hope your satisfied. It's all just fun and games untilsomeone
>gets hurt, eh?
>
No, it's still fun. Lots of fun. There's considerable glee involved.
>Well, nobody wants to see you get upset there, big guy. We'll just go playin
>somebody else's sandbox...
>
What do you mean, "we", palfest?
>Give our regards to Melanie, and turn off the lights when you leave.
>
Okay. "Tim is real", courtesy ofHEY.DON'T.CATCH.YOUR.GOITER.IN.A.DOWNDRAFT.
>Mr. & Mrs. W. Dork
MOD - "That was a remarkable likeness" since 1992.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 22 Apr 1993 14:28:53 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNOVY
Organization: Skin on a Steaming Wand
Subject: Long-awaited dirty parts
To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L<FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Melaney and Barnie sittin' in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes fun, then comes learning,
Later comes a mysterious burning.
The doctor wonders aloud how this could have happened. "He can wipe you
out," she said, "with one swing of his big wide purple hips."
"Same to ya," replied the doctor.
gm
========================================================================
Date: 22 APR 1993 09:36 -05
Subject: Meteors Hit Local Couple's House
From: <WHIPLASH>
UPI - Tampa, Florida
Several Palladium meteorites struck a local apartment complex
early this morning in what scientists are calling 'the worst case
of organized meteor gang activity this year.'
A married couple, Robert Holder and Janice Dugger, were awakened
on their couch at approximately 2:20 A.M. this morning by a loud
bang. When they went into the back room, they discovered three
holes in their roof and several short, muscular meteorites wearing
dark glasses and with the long sideburns characteristic of the
Sol-based Meteor Gang factions.
They had intended to stay up and observe the "rumble" which had
been rumoured for this morning from the roof of their apartment
building, but the overcast skies and Mr. Holder's psychiatric con-
dition forced them to bed around 10 P.M.
When taken to the Bradenton planetarium this morning, they were
able to positively identify one of the gang members from mug-shots.
His name is not being released because sheriff's deputies say he
is a minor.
During the ten minute ordeal, the meteorites pinched Mrs. Dugger's
left buttock, slapped Mr. Holder several times in the face and
scrawled some obscene messages over several pictures in an Astronomy
textbook belonging to Mr. Holder. Ironically, the couple were rescued
by the very same local branch of an international Flea Syndicate with
which they have been having ongoing troubles for several months.
It appears a struggle emerged over gangland territorial infringement,
and the meteors were forced to escape out the back window by the fleas ,
who had mustered superior numbers and had the advantage of being
indomitably irritating.
Afterwards, Mr. Holder commented, "I used to believe that Americans
shouldn't keep welding equipment in the home, that the Second Amendment
applied only to well regulated government personnel. But I'll tell you
what; this morning I went out and bought the biggest TIG welder they
had in stock... we'll see who slaps who around if those punks show their
faces around my house again." He added that there is money to be made in
the meteorite mounting and display trade among museums across the country.
At this time, the meteors are still at large.
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 30 Apr 1993 07:33:08 CDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "G. Smithers" <smithers2@BARNEY.COM>
Subject: begging your pardon
Wilfred, you know how Father dislikes us to use the new
terminals for recreational purposes. I admire this quaintly
playful synod to which you've introduced me, and I feel
positively rejuvenated with expectation as I walk in to
Smithers & Smithers these mild mornings, but, as your elder
brother, and, I hope, mentor, I believe I should register
my disquiet.
As I sidenote, I wonder whether you, Mr Anderson, sir,
might perchance be related to the Cuthbert W. Anderson
who led the third battalion of Princess Louise's
regiment so ably in the final little skirmish at Ferrara
Beach. If this is the case, it is my considerable
honor to make your acquaintance.
Gareth Smithers
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 30 Apr 1993 21:28:39 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: the last waltz <ENLNIFHLATHU>
To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L<FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
In-Reply-To: Message of Thu,
29 Apr 1993 17:04:15 -0400 from <smithers@BARNEY.COM>
On Thu, 29 Apr 1993 17:04:15 -0400 <smithers@BARNEY.COM> said:
>I highly enjoy your little forum of weirdness here, chaps. Especiallythat
>fellow, Rollins. Where's he been lately?
>
>Seems like we've been waiting forever to hear the rest of that tale hewas
>relaying about the boy and his turtle, Pokey.
>
>Now, that's humour!
>
>
>W. Smithers
Smithers, please discharge all shares and sell the servants at once, and
make arrangements to have my trunk shipped hither and yon until it becomes
very confused. You may keep the perfectly formed tea set orbiting the
sun directly opposite the earth as a token of my appreciation for your
services, no longer required; however, I must ask you to return the scurvy
and any copies of _Pantagruel_ which I may have left lying about the
staging area. I am confident that you will soon find other respectable
people to annoy, and will provide you with referrals if threatened;
however, it must be noted that I retain title to your fragile and
distended relatives. Bystanders who survive the usual mysterious
inferno should be sent along by return post, and please: help
yourself to some of these petit fours.
A. Haggard
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