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=============================================================Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: LADIES!

HERE'S A SPLENDID SUMMERTIME SUGGESTION!

Go into the restroom and stand in front of the mirror (this works best
when there's no one else occupying the restroom, incidentally) and take
a moment to compose yourself before chanting, in the deepest monotone
that you are able to maintain, "My nut sack what have dropped, my nut
sack what have dropped, my nut sack what have dropped". This, as many
of you students of Feminine History may be aware, is the very chant
which Joan Of Arc is said to have employed before leading her troops
into slaughter and which White House Sources have confirmed was the
key phrase Nancy Reagan would use to throw Former President Ronald
Wilson Reagan (note the 6 letters in each name) into the hypnotic
trance that enabled Satan to channel through him and give them their
little assignments.

Just repeat this simple exercise whenever you're feeling "down" or
whenever your "special friend is paying his monthly visit" or "the
meter reader has got his feet up on the monthly coffee table" or "the
delivery boy from God's Grocery is here to collect on the monthly bill"
or whatever pseudonyms you may utilize to describe that wonderful yet
stressful time of renewed womanhood with which, due to close physical
association, I've fallen victim in synchronicity to all its myriad
sidereal manifestations of profound emotional and spiritual dis-ease
which one might possibly and with a certain degree of assurance, I am
convinced, use as legal grounds of defense in a capital murder charge,
should one arise.

There! Now, that being said, I think you will find that just thirty
minutes a day reciting this simple and easy to pronounce mantra will
bestow upon you a deeply-satisfying sense of satori which will enable
you to get in that kitchen and rattle those pots and pans with renewed
vigor and sustained religious fervor.

As with all my little hints and tips, no remuneration is necessary,
other than a sagacious and abiding hero worship, the kind that
wellsprings from loins a-girdled and legs akimbo, forever and ever,
on Earth as it is Heaven, Amen.

I remain,
Your Humble Narrator and Personal Sherpa Guide,
Merciful Lee Dickens
Tenzing His Norkey With The Best Of Them
Since 1953


==============================================================
Date: Tue, 3Aug 1993 10:29:37 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: EXCLUSIVE@DAILY.HERALD
Subject: MISSING MAN MYSTERY

Cecil Spotted Among Blancmanges --------------------------------
The case of the disappearance of Cecil McCecil took another strange turn todayas reports filtered in that he had been spotted comparing two brands ofblancmange in a local supermarket. The manager confirms that a standard cartonwas sold to a quiet man with a slight stammer.

Deathbed Disappearance: "My heart went out to him", says Constable Gunnell.--------------------------------------------------------------------Cecil, aprominent vegetarian, vanished a few weeks ago while suffering an intensivebout of indigestion. He left a note described by the police as "despairing".Doctors say he may be in need of urgent medical attention and should beapproached with caution.

Distraught Mother Speaks Out For The First Time
-------------------------------------------------------------------Mrs McCecil,speaking from her well-kept cottage on the edge of town, pleaded today for newsof her son. "'e ain't never done nobody no 'arm", she sobbed, "and 'im soshaky those last few weeks, 'is work getting to 'im and Rosie Potter turning'im down flat over the cinema." She pointed out a faded photograph of Cecilwith his violin, taken when he was in third grade.

1979 Blue Renault Missing
--------------------------
"The bastard took my auto", says his best friend, Eddie from down the street,"I'll have his veins for spaghetti". The vehicle, registration number LB 374D,was last seen careening headlong southbound along the promenade.

"Thursday, April 25th: Get the Russians"
----------------------------------------
Fragments of what is thought to have been Cecil's diary were found in thefireplace of his deserted apartment. They appear to contain carefully workedplans of attack, a theory confirmed by the flag-spattered wallcharts hangingover his bed. The following day's entry, "Friday, April 26th: Get Another Pintof Milk", does not indicate whether or not his campaign was successful.

Wall of Silence Surrounds Assignment
-------------------------------------
Mr Daniel A. Foss, the man believed to have been most closely associated withCecil's last mysterious assignment, was today unavailable for comment.
==============================================================
Date: Tue, 3Aug 1993 11:01:00 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: sports-report@KILLER.FM
Subject: Listeners at home may be interested in what the latest score is:

Cecil, three; Colonel Khaddhaffi, nil.
Play will resume after the interval with Khaddhaffi going for a heavy lineoutfrom the back of the pitch. Cecil, playing defence, is considering thereplacement of one of his centre-forward strikers; we believe he is aiming fora more tactically stable game.
This match, played out on Khaddhaffi's home ground, is going better than anyonecould have expected. The crowd, cheering madly at every point, seem certain oftheir loyalties, but surely not even their encouragement can boost theKhaddhaffi team's morale now. Cecil's mother, standing on her deckchair in themiddle of the front row, is doing her utmost to outshout them. I'm sure we'dall like to warmly thank Masterson's Motors, of 23 Birch Lane, for sponsoringher plane-ticket and allowing this remarkable woman to convey all your ownhopes and expectations.
As the spectators stream forward to the ice-cream van, we leave you for a fewminutes with a recording of the band of Westside Boys' High, Cecil's oldschool, playing extracts from Elgar's 'The Dream of Gerontius'.


=============================================================
Date: Tue, 3 Aug 1993 15:13:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to OH, MS. PRESCOTT -

>
>Why Bucky himself purchased one of the damn things and he doesn't even
>have the brains god gave a soapdish.
*
WHY, YOU LOWLIFE SONOFABITCH! WHERE DO YOU GET OFF, INSULTING MY CAT?
IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A FACELESS NONENTITY, I'D MAKE A POUCH OUT OF YOU,
YOU SMUG SANCTIMONIOUS POOFDA!
THINK YOU'RE PART OF THE NOBLESSE OBLIGE? THINK AGAIN.
I COULD CARVE A BETTER MAN FROM A DRIED-UP SUN-BLEACHED LIZARD TURD!
(no offense, Arthur)
LISTEN, PUNK. THERE AIN'T ROOM ENOUGH IN THIS BIOSPHERE
FOR BOTH OF US! I'M DISPATCHING THE ETIQUETTE CLINIC TO YOUR CAGE
RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE. COWER.

Merciful Lee Dickens
Wishing The World A Cheerier Tomorrow
Since Bush Was Beaten Like A Rented Mule


==============================================================
Date: Wed, 4Aug 1993 12:11:00 EDT
Reply-To: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@CECILS.SECLUDED.SHACK
Subject: For the attention of the Editor:

Dear Sir,
Can you not persuade your reporters to keep their rubbernecking tentacles tothemselves? I have chosen, for reasons of my own, to be dead; the disquietwhich your confounded cheap hack may feel at any incongruity arising from thisdecision is surely a matter between himself and his confessor. As for thefatuous platitudes of your leader-writers, would you please convey to the doltwho cut short his series of reflections on the reconstruction of the churchportico to comment that "all our prayers are with Cecil" that the only thingthat is with Cecil just now is the half-drained bottle of Scotch in front ofhim and another two full bottles lined alongside in readiness.
In passing, I should like to comment that an article published in yesterday'sedition, a frivolous piece of tomfoolery pertaining to a rhinocerous, seemedintensely familiar; has the same verse not been submitted to this journal on aprevious occasion? Are standards so fallen that you now intend to recycle theWar?

respectfully yours,
Cecil G. McCecil

=============================================================
Date: Wed, 4 Aug 1993 22:26:40 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: creation of what for which

I am He Who represents Us constituting the Sole Escape of Man. Woman as
you know is so smart she can get out of this unless Man holds her back. Here
we use the *etic* not *emic* distinctions of Man from Woman which, farnkly,
do not Man a goddam thing to us.

Yet how I ask you are you gonna hope to get outta this mess without
Science, what is only thing you believe, I Mean *emically* believe, that is,
in. Lookit, though, the deplorable state this Science as you take i is,
however, in:

"Survival of the individual thus came to depend on a number oftechnilo-
gical and social skills. It depended not only having a brain able to formand
retain a mental map of plant food supplies but also having knowledge of howto
procure or transform such supplies. In addition, survival now required an
ability to recognize that a stone tool could be fashioned from a peice of a
rock and a sense of how to implement that vision. And it required thecapacity
to cooperate with others (for instance, to communicate about *who should run
ahead of a hunted zebra amd who behind*), to defer gratification (to savefood
until it could be brought to an agreed upon site for all to share) and bothto
deternuine one's fair position and to ensure that it was received. Suchdemands
undoubteldy served as selective pressures favoring the evoluton of everlarger,
more complex brains." (Katherine Milton, "Diet and Primate Evolution,"Scienti-
fic American, August 1993; zebras' emphasis.)

Very nice, but completely upside down and backwards. It was the ZEBRASwhich
were paid good hard earned money to be HUNTED ANIMALS long before there were
any pitifully inadequate hominids on this place. There was sounder money in
this region before the East African shilling, before the colonialist money,
the flimsy beads of the Kings of Toro amd Ankole and Ganda. There waselectron-
ic funds transfer and mightier hunters than your pitiful white hunters topay
us by using it. We won't say where these Mighty Hunters went; let's just say
that Stopgap maasures were called for. In hunting the Zebra the Zebrastaught
you to take-a-numnber. In getting away from you, the Zebras used the Sieveof
Eratosthenes. Having introduced you to Number, we muzzzled you by easystagees
to Writing, Administration, Fimamce, and printing East African Shillings.Yet
you refuse to learn the easiest moral lesson we have to teach.

WHERE ARE YOUR STIRPED PEOPLE? fOR IT IS WRITTEN THAT THE PEOPLE, THEYSHALL
BE STRIPED, BLACK AND WHITE SHALL BE STRIPED THEY. nOW i SAY UNTO YOU,Repeat
after me, "I andt a striped man/woman." Yea verily in the Personal Ads ofthe
Kampala Times thou shalt advertise either: SBM wishes to meet Female,stirped,
vivacious, fun-loving, enjoys literature and music." "SBF usgently needsMale,
stiped, enthusiastic and genrous gift-tiving a must; also, office ofgovernment
junior minister with assured futue; also experience of and enthusiasm formany
and varied sexual positionsl or forget it."

This time, the Zebras!
Daniel A. Foss
<and, for our thriving Muslim zebra community, "God is Large!!!">



=============================================================
Date: Thu, 5 Aug 1993 15:21:17 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: from the top

Here capsule-summary zebra-teahing[plural-inflection] be[plural-inflection
from:

1. Zebra evolve[past-imperfect-inflection] as most perfect form of zebra
[gemitiveinflection marker and all the rest of it ceases here in obedienceto
KNOCKITOFF CMND]. Zebra is evolved to be hunted animal. Zebra expects to get
paid in good money, dollars armenian, doitchymarks, francs-froggish, francs-
swissish, Jappishyen, sterling for this service, previously performed for
beings who came all the way from where they were not at liberty to say they
came from; paid in much-superior currency compared to rightly-called snakes
in the tunnel, and Commanded Zebra to perform this same evolutionarily most
highly evolved function for ever just in case they or something analogous
came this way for the hunting season at some inteterminate occasionaccording
to chaos theory.

Pure trash currency like the East African Shilling is something the Zebra
never anticipated having to put up with, but has, surprisingly, thriven and
flourished by comparison to human citizens of the Zebra-growing countrieswho
also have to use it.

Scientists here meaning those in evolutionary biology business neverbother
to consider that the Origin and Development of Species other than their ownis
the actual situation. Species-chauvinism is that warping of theinterpretation
of the most expensive delicacies in the factual order, extracted from themouth
of Nature by the most exquisitely subtle dentists of empiricaldetermination.
So we had in the most recent flagrancy: She said that Man evolved to assign
numbers to hunters of Zebra. Never and nowhere does she consider that Zebra
evolved by assigning numbers to Man. <nyaaaaaah>

2. The Zebra way of llfe resembles the human except in one particular.Much
more so and entirely clear cut. No lies and propaganda making a superbigdeal
out of upticks on the curve; no blessing countings when you should useblessing
count to curse count ratio whose limit is zero such that zero is used evenin
computation using Two-Doubleword-Precision computation with no case yetfound
where Blessing Error (BE) >= Floating Point Roundoff Error (FPROE), asfamiliar
from Human Selfdeception Research. (For the ignorant, briefly, the hallmarkof
psychosis is delucion; that of Normality or Wellness is self-deception.
Billions have been spent on the nature, classification, and internalorganiza-
tion of delusions - present writer recalling research project he keypunchedfor
where circa 1982 eleven basic types were recognized. Compare MedievalDemonolo-
gical research precision, which determined order of battle of the demonichost,
names, ranks, serial numbers, and rank or grade in service of all officersand
when feasible enlisted fiends; but this had the merit at least of validating
the Religiously Correctness of the Book of Revelation. Important indeed tothis
day, since the late self-styled "David Koresh" understood it quite wellwhere
Janet Reno did not. The scientific study of self-dece[tion is such that the
psychologists handed it over to the sociologists who, on top of having tospend
their own money - the reader knowing that research performed withoutExternal
Grant Support is tainted, presumed fake or inferior, unread, and unheard-of-
on this can of worms, have had to KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING while still doingit
anyhow, a theoretical impossibility of the sort which drove the wife of the
great microsociologist Erving Goffman to suicide.)

The human, like the Zebra, is paid to be a hunted animal. There is, said
Karl Marx, no other economic reason for the capitalist to hire the labourer.
The latter may otherwise be a moron relative, of course. Contemporary Nobel-
Prize-winning highly professional economists say exactly the same thingusing
words in a sacred language about Marginal-thingies. There's lots of hardmath
formulas too. But nobody's evver come up with another reason.

Occasionally people get very tired of making money and turn lots ofpeople
loose on an open field of fire; then when all the kills are made they sayyou
were trying to escape. The Spanish cops called the sport *ley del fugo*; it
outsold bullfights.

3. Zebra alone has Answer to human race question. Emulate Zebra, Lovewhat
Zebra love. Stripes Forever! Stripes is highly gorgeous on everone. Onlyanti-
Stripal racist makes convicted felons wear striped uniforms. Free allStriped
People, long lived Striped Race. We earn our Stripes, we will survive solid
color race wars, we will bury you, there's nothing else to do it.

4. Some become Zebra from conversion. Your children will be born Zebraand
never have to know human stupidity. They will march on to the gleamingheights
of stupidity yet unthought of and unthinkable.

Striped is beautiful. Make your next marriage to a Striped person. Nobody
has ever said anything against a Striped person who has actually marriedone.

Go in peace, children.
Enjoy reproductive success!

Daniel A. Foss
<God is Large!>


=============================================================
Date: Fri, 6 Aug 1993 09:55:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to (?) is not slanderou

This guy HARTZ (not his real name) has the audacity to say:
>

> I contacted Marty in Human Resources and it has been decided that the
termination process shall be suspended pending the outcome of any legalaction
you may wish to take independent of FLUF, Inc.


*** Comments from DICKENS; 08/06/93 09:41am:
This is simply too fucking ludicrous for words! Marty? MARTY? ARE
YOU NUTS? MARTY WHO BEAT HIS WIFE BLACK AND BLUE AND ATTEMPTED TO
EXPLAIN IT BY SAYING "I LOVE HER TOO MUCH"? MARTY WHO LIVES IN THE
BACK OF THE BIKE SHOP AND SHOOTS RATS FOR SPORT? CRAZY-ASSED MARTY WHO
FLEW INTO SUCH A RAGE WHEN HE COULDN'T OUTRUN THE TRAIN TO THE CROSSING
THAT HE GOT OFF HIS BIKE AND, IN BROAD DAYLIGHT, TOOK OFF HIS TROUSERS
AND RIPPED THEM IN HALF, SWEARING AT THE TOP OF HIS LUNGS AND HURLING
ROCKS AT THE BRAKEMAN?

THIS IS WHERE YOU GET YOUR LEGAL ADVICE?

If it wasn't so depraved, it would be funny. No wonder they call you
a Dilbert behind your back. Well, I've got a free History lesson for
you: Clean out your desk. You're out of here.

NEXT!


I Swear
The Crap Up With Which I Gotta Put,

Merciful
Now Hiring

========================================================================
Date: Mon, 9 Aug 1993 10:04:47 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Subject: Latest security breach

Cuthbert C. Cuthberg, fnord-l's liaison to the International Jew Conspiracy,
reports that a Council on Foreign Relations minion has attempted toinfiltrate
the bunker here, armed only with a check for $48. Cuthbert told him to keep
his little money, that small fry like him can play 8-ball for free on the
bunker billiards table, as long as Foss gets to be stripes.

gm


==============================================================
Date: Tue, 10Aug 1993 08:12:33 EDT
Reply-To: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@GATES.OF.DEATH.ORG
Subject: Blackhead

>Alfred North Whitehead's _Process_and_Reality_ is admittedly not
>an easy read. All the secondary sources I have consulted (3/3)
>have commented to that effect. If anyone would care to delve
>into some of his key terms with me, here are a few questions
>we could start with. Others are welcome.
>
>
>When Whitehead says that creativity is "the process whereby the >manybecome one and are increased by one," is this meant to apply
>only to actual occasions, or does it apply as well to societies
>of actual occasions?
>
>For instance, when the first airplane was invented, this
>obviously was something new. Is, then, the airplane to be
>considered an actual occasion? If creativity occurs only on the
>level of actual occasions, then it must be. If the airplane is,
>instead, a complex society of actual occasions and cannot be
>thought of as a single actual occasion, then societies must
>partake of creativity as well as actual occasions.
>
>Is the Perseid meteor shower one event or is it many events?
>Physically, it would seem quite obvious that it is divisible.
>Isn't it also divisible mentally? We could talk about 'the first
>hour of this event' (although, fundamentally, this would be a
>very nominal delineation); wouldn't this constitute a division of
>its mental pole?
>
>Whitehead says: "it is only the physical pole of the actual
>entity which is thus divisible. The mental pole is incurably
>one" (Process and Reality, 436). What about something (an actual
>occasion or some other category of existence) which displays two
>mental aspects, such as love and hate, particle and wave, genius
>and madness, or (both) good and evil.
>
>
>
> If my cross-posting is annoying to anyone, please inform and
>excuse me. This initial message is a feeler. It may be possible
>to localize this discussion to one list. >
>Ken Fisler Internet: bc151>


Dear Mr. Fisler,
I think your cross-posting is very nice. Are you a philosopher? Do you knowDaniel Foss? He is a philosopher, too. Sometimes he helps me. With my littleassignment. You can help me, too. I need a True Idea of the Good, a recursiveargument, and a very small lacuna between sense and meaning. Please send thesethings right away. I cannot pay you.

Cecil


=============================================================
Date: Tue, 10 Aug 1993 20:00:53 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: sign of things to come

More of us zebras in the Computer Room every day. Elsewise why have up
a sign saying NO GRAZING.
<black white unite and fight>

Daniel A. Foss
zebra of the common herd


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