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Date: Tue, 2 Feb 1993 07:33:48 CST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Cell318@MOUNTJOY.JOY.JOY
Subject: Doubts, category undetermined
Following you, Arthur, yes, but somehow thinking that monsters
and underneath places and horrors unspeakable are mere flouncing
distractions to the matter under consideration, stripped, in
the interests of brevity, to:
There is a grave problem with sleeping in a bed
There is a grave problem with sleeping
There is a grave problem
There is a grave
M'dear recommends Marshmallows for the original disturbance; one would
presume that appropriate fractions of a Marshmallow would competently
deal with the others.
... oh, yes, could anyone lend me Whiffle's _On The Care of the Dead Cat_?
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 2 Feb 1993 12:19:26 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Subject: Re: Doubts, category undetermined
In-Reply-To: Message of Tue,
2 Feb 1993 07:33:48 CST from <Cell318@MOUNTJOY.JOY.JOY>
On Tue, 2 Feb 1993 07:33:48 CST <Cell318@MOUNTJOY.JOY.JOY> said:
> There is a grave problem
I suspect a plot.
More specifically, a plot involving the complete disappearance of
HUNIATZ@BLAH.BLAH.BLAH, chewed up, apparently, by our new friends under
the bed and spit out in odd (yet ohso humorously named) chunklets.
What gives, or, in a less cogent moment, whuzzah?
Just wondering (smiley withheld pending receipt of goods),
libalp,
Co-Chaircreature, Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
And have a happy Groundhog's Day.
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 2 Feb 1993 12:30:31 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Subject: Announcement
Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance will be sponsoring a debate
this Saturday in the gym. Topics include:
The Original Disturbance: Did anyone really mind so much?
FNORD: the unspoken reality explored through mime.
"When the eyeglass chain breaks": the librarian as victim in the Original
Distubance.
Funcum Uniball is slated to re-emerge in time to moderate. Sock-hop to
follow.
For more information contact CYNOVY@cynovy.with.a.bullet, Co-Chaircreature,
Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance.
And have a pleasant Groundhog Day.
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 2 Feb 1993 09:31:37 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Robert Holder <WHIPLASH>
Subject: Food Collectiv
All units are instructed to report to their Mongol Apparatchik
at 10am local time this morning for furthur indoctrination.
Irrepressible spontaneous demonstrations supporting Our Leader
have broken out across the Empire, and it has been decided that
the violence which is such a vital part of these demonstrations
needs to be organized and standardized into a regular routine
which Central Joy Committee can use as an instrument for growth
and order.
The Executions scheduled for the 9:45am global telecast Party
Meeting today have been rescheduled for tommorrow. All units
will be pleased to hear the consoling news that the condemned
have been therefore alloted an additional 24 hours of surgical
torture by nationally beloved Vascular-Orthopedist (and popular
game show host) Van Kalkenny, telecast across the Empire through-
out the day.
The Food Collectiv is giving a performance at Caesarian Hall
this evening, with instructional narration in the methods of
Home Glycogen Synthesis during the production. Skewers are
available at the door, and there will be additional implements
on hanging racks in the pit area.
The Game this week is Ozark Pedantic at Arctic Smug Prank, with
a fifteen point spread. Pedantic Quarterback Adolf Hitler (14) is
out with a knee injury, while the key Artic defensive lineunits (Adolf
Hitler (7), Adolf Hitler(12) and Adolf Hitler (72)) were placed on
docility medication last week following what enthusiastic onlookers
described as a sort of Street Theatre/Patricide/Mutilation spectacle.
Look for Ozarks' Adolf Hitler (21) to break the international record
for career game eviscerations (2,600) at the Arctic game!
This is Central Joy Committee wishing you a productive day.
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 4 Feb 1993 11:46:20 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Robert Holder <WHIPLASH>
Subject: Hear, Hear! Well said old chap and all that...
From: LIBWCA
> so the Spleen Poems are about all we have left. If you, yourself,
> have anything interesting to say about Messers Leary, Wilson, et al.,
> by all means say it- chances are you can get a discussion going, at
> least until somebody thinks of a new bodily fluid to rhapsodize upon.
>
Jolly well said Old Boy, God Save the Queen, cheers!
By the way, how *did* that expedition to the Territories come out?
Did you bag your Bengal Tiger? It'll look just *splendid* here in
the Smoking Room, although we'll have to clear out Old Cubey's collection
of Liberal Skins... mind you don't ruffle MY skin picking them up, Manfred.
I'll be needing it this week-end.
I *say*, I hear you gave that jabbering little dress-up regiment and their
Oxford educated waterboy leader a right caning as well while you were
Down There! Bra-VO! They've got a thing or two to learn about the Empire,
what? Har Har Har!
*Do* favor us with a chat about your journey, and Have a Brandy...
just one of the guys,
(hey, baby, i got PLENTY a spleen,
i'm spleen ENDOWED, here you wanna
drive my BMW, that's genuine unborn
calf skin, take one of these pills,
and a pink one too, and swallow this,
there, now lets go for a little ride...)
rdh
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 4 Feb 1993 17:05:58 GMT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNOVY
Organization: MenInBlack, Division of World Justification
Subject: Re: the dust/skin connection
In article <1kp7s2INN7or@> bhoughto@(Blair P.
Houghton) writes:
>In article <1993Jan30.161303.12021@> jcarroll@
(Jeff Carroll) writes:
>>The skin on a steaming wand, as you may or may not be aware, is made upof
>>about 87% dried milk.
>
>The other 13% is evaporated spit.
>
> --Blair
> "Free refills."
Which can be dermabrased, distilled, and refined, and sold as a general
cure for both impetigo and osteoporosis, thereby once again proving the
superiority of steaming over boiling or lancing.
And the Skin on a Steaming Wand would molest Marshmallows for the Original
Disturbance on any pro rated playing field; we'd spot you two goals gladly.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 4 Feb 1993 00:47:11 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: head-office@WHIPLASH
Subject: Transition
We understand that discussions have been taking place between the man
known to you as "Robert Holder" and a Mr Cuthbert Hegemon, of this address,
with regard to a transaction involving the new GX-415F air-to-air missiles.
We regret to inform you that Mr Holder's term of employment with us was
terminated this morning, in most distressing circumstances.
Having reviewed your correspondence with Mr Holder, we are dealing with
your note of Jan 4th, apparently deliberately suppressed by him, in which
you remind us that you are entitled to a free carriage-clock for the
introduction of a Mr Arthur Parker to our executive pension scheme.
We beg the favour of your patience and understanding until a new agent maybe
assigned to our negotiotions with you.
========================================================================
Date: Mon, 8 Feb 1993 12:20:03 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <LIBALP>
Subject: Re: Love My Way
In-Reply-To: Message of Fri,
5 Feb 1993 18:02:46 EST from <WHIPLASH>
On Fri, 5 Feb 1993 18:02:46 EST Robert Holder said:
>i happen to be a big fan of love. but how can we be
>sure that love isn't just some subconcious method of
>control? i had lunch with somebody the other day and
>she said that she thinks love is strictly chemical...
>that the emotion has no rational foundation and only
>exists as a hormonal reaction. she explained for me
>that they isolated some hormone present in mammals
>which apparently is responsible for the feeling of love.
>they injected it into rats and the rats got all cuddly.
Those scientists are all married to rats now, so go figure.
>i asked her where the feeling resides. does it reside in
>the molecule of this hormone? she didn't seem to think
>that was relevant. we talked about a lot of other things
>and she got pretty insulting. one of the things she said
>which i thought was complete bullshit was that if you have
>a good belly laugh with somebody, it is a form of cheating
>on your spouse. she says there's many ways to cheat on
>your spouse, and it was at this point that i began to have
>some real misgivings about having lunch with her.
Another form of cheating on your spouse is to declare yr love for her from
a fake node. If your vows prohibit it.
>modern science: go fuck yourself with your atom bomb.
>and pass me the tie-dye. i gotta irresistible urge to tie-dye.
>
>sincerely,
>Bo & Luke Duke
Well about that time, those old Duke boys was in a world o' trouble aboutthat
atom bomb, and they was infested with rats, and the General Lee was crawling
with rats, and Cooter had rats all over, and Paw or Grandpaw or Uncle Buck
or whatever the fuck his name was was just lousy with rats, and Daisy Mae
had rats, and they were nuclear-electronic rats 'cause of the atom bomb,
and then they all ate rats and got so fat they couldn't move or drive, or
crawl thru the car window or anything. Take a lesson.
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 10 Feb 1993 10:29:23 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Nik Tokyo <niktokyo@MOD.HATTER>
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: M.O.D. Update
After seemingly endless deliberation, Marshmallows for the Original
Disturbance has chosen an official motto. The motto is as follows:
Klaatu ryoho renge nikto.
Our last meeting also yielded the first piece of Disturbist dogma, to wit:
First there is a flying saucer.
Then there is no flying saucer.
Then there is.
Please post.
Regards,
Nik Tokyo, Secretary
Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
========================================================================
Date: Sat, 13 Feb 1993 04:58:19 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNINGAS
Subject: Skin on a Steaming Wand Splinters
And that, as much, remains to be seen.
========================================================================
Date: Mon, 15 Feb 1993 12:33:06 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: Re: Skin on a Steaming Wand Splinters
In-Reply-To: Message of Sat, 13 Feb 1993 04:58:19 EST from <CYNINGAS>
On Sat, 13 Feb 1993 04:58:19 EST <CYNINGAS> said:
>And that, as much, remains to be seen.
That is because your little "organization" was conceived on whim, with milk.
Wise Man built his house on the rock. M.O.D. came to life in the full light
of the nuclear-electronic Original Disturbance, thus ensuring itself a
gooey consistancy that prevents splintering. Sure, the Orange Slices don't
always agree with the Peanuts, much less the Peeps, but when the heat is on,
they stick together.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1993 10:10:30 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: BRAINCOP@NIFTY.PSYCHIC.STUFF.ORG
Subject: OUR LATEST PROJECT
BRAINCOP, due to prior commitments on the Indian subcontinent, will
not be performing psychic disruptions of tonight's episode of "The
Simpsons". Since we have been beaming naughty brainwaves at the show
(more specifically, at the characters known as "Homer" and "Milhouse")
every Thursday evening for quite some time, this is the perfect
opportunity for regular viewers to note the difference caused by
the absence of our Awesome Psychic Powers (tm).
To compensate our many fans, we will be disrupting all Friday night
showings of the Bugs Bunny/Michael Jordan Nike commercial.
-Braincop Psychic TV Guys
*If you would like a copy of a text file explaing the idea behind
BRAINCOP, entitled "Three Fun Things You Can Do With Your Brain",
then we will have mailed one to you sometime last week.*
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1993 10:42:17 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "M.O.D. Tim Server" DOCUMENT@MOD.HATTER
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: Wisdom of Tim Vol.1
Vol. 1: Tim speaks out about IdEAL ORDER
If you feel like you are giving something away, or if you pretend you are
wearing a helmet. If you see that what you see is being projected out of
your mind, that is your world. If there is something behind your head out
of your projection like the sound coming from the inside of your head. If
you take over the angel that is singing the song on the radio or T.V. aswell,
you can get good from the radio or T.V. I remember when I was about 20, and
was listening to the radio while camping in the woods, the radio wasactually
part of my mind and I was on the radio following my own thoughts. While
watching the T.V. if I pretend like the Soviets are trying to disturb myT.V.
viewing by acting with the dark parts of the screen, Einstein will come with
the screen and proceed to wonder who I am, then when the Arsenio Hall comes
on he is in a better and happy mood to please my viewing. The people at the
Robert Woodruff Library fight the possession of the T.V. against theRussians
and does it with the part of them that is of the angel kind. We use good
and they use bad. It is very interesting to experience this.
There is a Lady who is from here who is supposed to carry me to heaven
while sleeping and putting part of her in outer space with me and goes to
where Einstein is. She is supposed to be this way controlling the happening
on T.V. while the R.W.L. is on T.V. with the Russians. And it is very
remarkable.
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 18 Feb 1993 11:08:04 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "M.O.D. Tim Server" DOCUMENT@MOD.HATTER
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: Wisdom of Tim Vol.2
Vol.2: Tim takes the next step
When two forms of matter that have no light hit they create the force just
like light will.
When any two things hit they will produce energy.
When something is contained in a circle it has unlimited amounts of energy.
The sun, for example; the human mind, for example.
When I told the radio what to say it did so. It was contained in the
atmosphere of air and produced the new Pepsi. The very next day at the
convenience store, the Crystal Pepsi and the Diet Crystal Pepsi. I believe
this with all my heart. It couldn't of just been a coincidence.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kudo for *Wisdom of Tim Vol.1*:
"Tim makes Harrington look like a piker." - Cuthbert
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1993 13:07:51 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Organization: Temple of Tim, Redeemer and Thinker of Stuff". Rest of headerflushed.
From: Fangwell@TIM.ORTHO.ORG
There follows the Liturgy of the Chosen for Timsday, the designation of
which is none of thy business.
Priest: We Praise Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance.
People: It is right to give them thanks and praise.
Priest: We honor them who led us on the path to Tim.
People: All glory and honor to them, blessed be their names.
Priest: We revile Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance.
People: May Tim smite them hip and thigh.
Priest: We abhor them who pervert the word of Tim.
People: May Tim cast them into the lake of fire.
Priest: (Lifting Sacrements) On the night he was bummed out, Tim took
the Crystal Pepsi and drank, saying, "When you do this, do it
in remembrance of Einstein."
People: (Drinking of the Crystal Pepsi) All praise to you, Einstein and
Arsenio.
Priest: When we drink of the Crystal Pepsi, we become thy servants, oh
Tim, both in light and in dark, and in the color which doth
cause the brain to move. I believe this with all my heart.
People: It couldn't of been just a coincidence.
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1993 16:36:48 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: FANGWELL@TIM.ORTHO.ORG
Subject: DOCUMENT OF EXCOMMUNICATION
PRIEST:
By order of the Supreme Council of the Church of Tim Redeemer and Thinker
of Stuff, that heretical order known to infamy as Marshmallows for the
Original Disturbance is hereby declared interdicta non fabula, and all
associated with them are cast from the brotherhood. Let them be Deprived
of Color. Let those parts of them that live with Darkness be cast into
the light that is death. May their Color Brains be forever rent from
Arsenio, and may the Lady not carry them sleeping to where Einstein is.
May they cease to work as a clicking action, and may no man succor them
with Crystal Pepsi.
PEOPLE:
This neutron can be filled with anything.
PRIEST:
It can be filled with a unenumerated amount of anything.
PEOPLE:
I believe this with all my heart.
PRIEST:
It couldn't of been just a coincidence.
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 19 Feb 1993 16:55:17 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: NIKTOKYO@MOD.HATTER.ORG
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: Re: DOCUMENT OF EXCOMMUNICATION
In-Reply-To: Message of Fri,
19 Feb 1993 16:36:48 EST from <FANGWELL@TIM.ORTHO.ORG>
"The matter in the circle knows nothing of the matter out of it.
But all matter out has knowledge of what is in."
Nik Tokyo
Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
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Date: Mon, 22 Feb 1993 19:09:35 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Nik Tokyo <NIKTOKYO@MOD.HATTER.ORG>
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: New and Improved
In light of recent criticism directed toward Marshmallows for the
Original Disturbance, we have deemed it necessary to make the
organization a bit more commercial. In order to popularize- excuse me-
pimp M.O.D. more effectively, we are issuing the following pronunciation
advisory.
From now on, "Original" should be pronounced with a hard "g" as in "girl".
The "ur" in "Disturbance" should be pronounced "oi" as in "boid". You know,
like a tweety-boid.
Think of Curly, if you're having trouble.
I must go into the woods now,
Nik
========================================================================
Date: Mon, 22 Feb 1993 20:29:06 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CYNOVY
Organization: Skin on a Steaming Wand
Subject: vision of the future documents
----------------------------Original message----------------------------
Dear colleagues,
I have been remiss. I posted a request for information back in November,
fully meaning to summarize for the list before now. I'd better do it
now before interested parties come and lynch me!
I had asked if any of you had developed "vision of the future" documents
for your cabals. What I was after were documents that laid out the
major issues and trends cabals are facing as we migrate from the
ownership to the access paradigm. The primary purposes of such I doc-
ument, I felt, were to educate our constituencies and serve as a think-
piece, promoting xxxxxx-wide discussion. I believed (still do believe
for that matter) that fundamental changes in the cabal's purposes and
methods must be executed with broad-based support, and that a document
for discussion was a good way to start building that support.
Here are some useful documents that people on FNORD-L either sent me
or steered me toward. They are in no particular order.
Creamed Beef on a Cracker Ballot. PROSPECT 2001. 1991. This is one of
the best documents I received. Address inquiries to
Mr. Cuthbert
Ex-Hegemon
Department of Motor Tithes
Boxcar Willie University (formerly Ledbelly Institute of Technology)
Chip&Dale Estates
Locked Bag 13, Skip of a Lou 0
ESTRAINIA
Curd, Clair L. S. "A Vision of the Cabal of the 51st Century," in CABAL
MANAGEMENT IN THE DECEPTION ENGAGEMENT ENVIRONMENT: ISSUES, POLICIES,
AND PRACTICE FOR ADMINISTRATORS. Edited by L.P. Trieste Org. New York:
Cuthbert Press, 1992, pp. 7-19. Ms. Curd is also working on an article
on "The Cabal of the 51st Century" for the ENCYCLOPEDIA OF CABALS AND
OTHER NEAT STUFF. She would appreciate any vision documents people
would be willing to send to her. Her Bitnet is CCURD@xxxxxx.BITNET.
University of Dayton 500 Cabal. ORTHODOX CABALS FOR THE YEAR 5002:
CANDLE WAX CLEANUP AND DELIVERY IN LIGHT OF NEW TECHNOLOGIES AND
ALLIANCES.
Lord Leicester, Arthur Parker. INSURGENTS GO BOOM: A MANIFESTO.
Chicago, American Library Association, 1992.
Wormbait, Melaney, and Wormbait, Melanie. REFRIED FUTURES FOR CABALS:
A SUMMARY OF SIX BLACKBIRDS WITH FETA CHEESE AND GUACAMOLE.
Carbondale, IL: Better Living through Disguise, Inc., [1992].
For a vision of CABALS, as opposed to cabals, try:
STRATEGIC VISIONS FOR EATING PASTE. This document can probably be
obtained from the Council on Turnip Resources. If not, check with
the home office at xxxxxxxxxxxxx. [It has since been closed.]
Our document is still in draft form, and will be for a while I'm afraid.
Our director has just resigned, and the document will not be finalized
until a new director is overboard. When it's in final form, I'll be glad
to shred.
Thanks to everyone who helped me with documents and advice. We're all
faced with these issues. I think we are trapped in that ancient curse:
"May you live in interesting times." It's good and bad both, but
definitely interesting!
No Flames, Please.
_________________________________________________
| Abel Cain (ABELCAIN@) |
| Communications Technologies Worshipper |
| Xxxxxx Universal |
| 760 Victory Parkway |
| Porkopolis, OH 45760 |
| PHONE: Do not even try. FAX: Same thing. |
| (LIBALP OR LIBWCA) |
|_________________________________________________|
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 23 Feb 1993 10:05:21 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Organization: Marshmallows for the Original Disturbance
Subject: Help Wanted
M.O.D. seeks public relations expert to fill position vacated by Nik Tokyo
following his public breakdown last evening. He is, indeed, in the woodsnow,
and M.O.D. would like to publicly acknowledge the assistance of longtime
associate Joe Provo in pulling the trigger.
We would also be interested in having the recipe for Eggplant Apocalypse,
if there is no cost involved.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 23 Feb 1993 16:20:36 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: BRAINCOP@MAD.PROFITS.ORG
Subject: re: Re: Trial by fire
To: <LIBALP>
In-Reply-To: Message of Tue,
23 Feb 1993 15:11:06 CDT from <CHANDLER@>
On Tue, 23 Feb 1993 15:11:06 CDT <CHANDLER@> said:
>recently, r. whiplash wrote "please god ....", and somemore trash. fuckyou,
>whiplash - i like the topic of new ways of thinking. pick another one,and
>try to make it interesting.
>
>mrc
No, no. A little behind in the times. We used to say "If you don't like
the topic, bring up something else," but that was when we were trying to
justify ourselves. Now that Pat's gone, and we're bearing the yoke of
the modernizing Salamander regime, we say "Beware the wrath of an angry
dog." Also, we never say "fuck you", because that's just the kind of
thing they want us to say. Instead, we say, "I love you so much it hurts
when I pee."
Burn this after you've read it.
Braincop
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