Previous Index Next
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 08:53:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Hello.
>
>HI,
>
>I wanna be a Fnorder (giggle, giggle) : P
>Please make me a bone-i-fyed member. I really love this. It is thebest
>and has great members. I wish I was just like all the great andpowerful
>people on here (never hurts to brown nose, as my mother always and still
>does tell me.). No I have never tried anal sex, and as of now don'tknow
>if I will ever care to.
>
>David
>
>P.S.: May the waters of joy flow from only your faucet.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Self Declared Polytheistic Animist
There is no Black and White, only shades of Grey.
David Lindberg
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 08:48am:
Mmmm nah, I don't think so.
But thanks for coming by
just the same.
LIBWCA, tell the little reject what his consolation prize is.
Merciful
Coming Soon In A Theater Near You
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 08:55:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Re: PUPPET SHOW
>
Your mistaken identification of the discussion on this list as "wierdness"
belies your lack-of-understanding of the grand-theory-type principles which
underly the discourse by regulars of FNORD-L. To paraphrase Harry "HeatMiser"
Truman:
"The problem is not with meaninglessness, it is in your lack ofunderstanding."
But hey, We'll bury Lenin. Then we'll bury you.
Um, whoever you are. -- Brent<Pollux>
*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 08:54am:
Yeah!
YEAH!
Okay.
You're in.
You can be one of us.
LIBWCA, show our new pledge the secret handshake.
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 08:59:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Re: PUPPET SHOW
> "." <jadycu01@MSUACAD.MOREHEAD-ST.EDU>
>
my god...you're right.
i'm sorry...why didn't someone tell me before?
-j
*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 08:56am:
Who's got the button for the trapdoor?
Sorry, Son.
Come back when you have some stronger material.
Next!
Merciful
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 09:01:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Re: PUPPET SHOW
>
"the problem is not with the wierdness, it is with apparent recent lack of
content, underlying or otherwise, in postings, including this one."
-j
p.s. someone please make me shut the fuck up.
*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 08:59am:
I'm sure that trapdoor button is around here somewhere...
LIBWCA, make him shut the fuck up.
Merciful
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 09:06:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Re: that little ditt
> Daniel Solomons <Daniel@ >
>Subject: Re: that little ditty
>
Could you explain your comment in greater detail? I understand that you
disapprove of my "little ditty," but "Go Home" does not tell me why.
*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 09:01am:
Apparently, you pick your nose and eat it.
It's a vulgar habit, sonny.
You're out of here.
But the good news is, you'll be the first person to ride our new
"FRAYEDKNOT" FNORD-L Catapult!
Ready?
No?
Tough Titty, Kitty Kitty:
Sproing,
Merciful
Fly The Freindly Skies
Lee Dickens
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 08:56:53 -0700
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Daniel Solomons <Daniel@ >
Subject: Re: O FOR THE WINGS OF AN ELECTRIC FENCE
In-Reply-To: <93Oct24.074919pdt.12690(1)@ >
I am responding to CECIL@CECILS.ALL.NEW.ROADRUNNER.SHOW
>>>
Gladly, sonny. I mildly objected to your posting of the aforementioned
abomination on the grounds that it was twee, risible in its attempt to
provide comfort through vacuous pedagogical abstractions, and insulting to
the most abject intelligence in its otiosity of both content and form, the
very arbitrariness of the latter granting it no more function than to
emphasise in a manner akin to the table-thumping embellishments of empty
rhetoric the spurious truths which....
<<<
Ah, now I see your point. Perhaps you take my words too literally.
Consider your own message. It is wordy, trite and cumbersome - exactly what
you are accusing me of. Had you said, "Your poem was wordy, trite and
cumbersome," I might not have understood you. So you demonstrated the
point by being deliberately pedantic.
You are obviously annoyed. More annoyed (certainly more responsive) than if
you had read a "vapid greeting-card" - why is that?
Daniel Solomons
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 13:14:40 MDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <WHIPLASH>
Subject: Help.
Steve Baynes:
> Anyway, one frighteningly disfunctional subscriber has
> obviously been programmed by such careless verbage.
whew, heavy words.
I accept that I'm "frighteningly dysfunctional". But
you have the wrong take on that thing I wrote. My words
may have been callow, but my heart is not. Your "crying
towel/masturbation machine" (or RAW's, yes, I see) makes
me sad, and provokes me to think, but I can't say it is
"helping" me any... and so for that reason I am disinterested
in it... until you can show me what I'm supposed to do
with it...
The flippant way I described that thing that happened to
me with that woman, that's gallows humor steve. that *helps*
me be less dysfunctional. it lowers the stress and guilt
and other shitty feelings I have about what happened, which
(I've got this intuition steve) is part of what drives me to
use people the way you characterize them; towels, kissing
mirrors... those shitty feelings drive me in those ways, a
self feeding cycle, a descending spiral. or maybe it's just
"self" that does that. i'm not a psychologist. I'm not a
shaman, i don't know the answer to that. but i do have some
experience with pain, THAT i do know a little about. and
what i got out of that is the urge to get away from pain.
the honest truth is, I will never do that again--adultery.
It's too hard. But talking about it the way i did pushes
the pain away for me. sorry, i'm going to keep doing that
forever, pushing the pain away. you'll have to kill me to
make me stop, dysfunctional or not.
You raise a lot of questions about me, and about people.
But I can't see what your answers are... if you don't
have any, that's ok, right? I sure as hell don't. But
if you do have some, what are they? Favor me with your
insight. At first, I thought your letter was smug, superior,
galling... but having read it several times, the thing
that comes through strongest to me is defeat and sadness...
or disillusionment at least...
maybe i'm seeing it wrong. maybe my mind is too small.
favor a swine just this once with one of your pearls;
one I can *use*.
rob
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 17:52:28 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Steve Baynes <steve@ >
Subject: Essay contest...
As you are all well aware, it is almost time to submit your
Fnord-l essay contest entries. To remind those who have had
their assignment chewed up by the household pet, this month's
essay must consist of no less than five (5) pages *and* use all
of the vocabulary words that were assigned.
Vocabulary words for October 1993:
abomination, risible, pedagogical, otiosity, rhetoric,
parataxis, omniscience, hypocrisy, erstwhile, tangible,
metaphorical, and staircase.
I must remind you all to follow these rules carefully and be
sure to send the assignment in before the dead-line.
I applaud those of you who have been more than punctual by
turning in your entries early. I am afraid to say that Cecil's
entry, titled "O FOR THE WINGS OF AN ELECTRIC FENCE," had to be
disqualified not only because it wasn't quite the required
length, but also because it failed to include the word staircase.
Thank you for playing,
PS
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 17:10:16 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Ska Boy <MJF008@ >
Subject: Re: Reply to Re: PUPPET SHOW
In-Reply-To: Your message dated "Mon,
25 Oct 1993 08:55:00 -0005" <01H4J4FD98NM00ANH6@ >
Hi. I am new and I know you are going to rip on me mercilessly, but Ifrankly
don't care. Just one question... WHO IS MERCIFUL LEE DICKENS, AND WHY DO IHAVE LIKE
80 MESSAGES FROM HER!!!??? Nothing against you, Merciful, but damn!
-Ska
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 11:29:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Natasha Fatale <JOHNSM4 >
Subject: Welcome to the Plateau
With all of this generational rhetoric being bandied about,
I feel I must point out that aging is not a sharply acute angle,
one leg of which we must climb to a single glorious peak and
then trickle down the other.
No, age describes a graceful arc, with gradations so gradual
that there actually exists a plateau. Here on the plateau, age
loses definition through disuse; it plays no part in distinguising
one character from another.
Whether you choose to believe that whippersnappers must work
their way UP to the plateau and old-timers are allowed to ease
their way DOWN, or that whippersnappers are on a downhill run
and the old-timers must fight the uphill battle, is but a matter
of personal perspective. Which we will value, much more than
your age, here on the plateau.
NIP
Fighting age discrimination since my big brother got to stay
up to watch`The Man from U.N.C.L.E.` and I couldn't
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 17:21:46 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: Reply to Re: PUPPET SHOW
In-Reply-To: Message of Mon,
25 Oct 1993 09:01:00 -05 from <DICKENS>
On Mon, 25 Oct 1993 09:01:00 -05 Merciful Lee Dickens said:
>>
>"the problem is not with the wierdness, it is with apparent recent lackof
>content, underlying or otherwise, in postings, including this one."
>
>-j
>
>p.s. someone please make me shut the fuck up.
>
>*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 08:59am:
>I'm sure that trapdoor button is around here somewhere...
>
>LIBWCA, make him shut the fuck up.
>
>Merciful
Sure will, Lee. j, it's time for you to meet the date you've selected.
Say hello to Fnord-l's newest made member, BRENT! Should the two of
you decide on a seafood dinner, Brent has brought his own weap...
utensils. Have fun, now...
Cuthbert
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 17:02:47 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: Reply to Hello.
In-Reply-To: Message of Mon, 25 Oct 1993 08:53:00 -05 from <DICKENS>
On Mon, 25 Oct 1993 08:53:00 -05 Merciful Lee Dickens said:
>>
>HI,
>
>I wanna be a Fnorder (giggle, giggle) : P
>Please make me a bone-i-fyed member. I really love this. It is thebest
>and has great members. I wish I was just like all the great andpowerful
>people on here (never hurts to brown nose, as my mother always and still
>does tell me.). No I have never tried anal sex, and as of now don'tknow
>if I will ever care to.
>
>David
>
>P.S.: May the waters of joy flow from only your faucet.
>
>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **
>Self Declared Polytheistic Animist
>There is no Black and White, only shades of Grey.
>David Lindberg
>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * **
>
>*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 08:48am:
>Mmmm nah, I don't think so.
>But thanks for coming by
>just the same.
>
>LIBWCA, tell the little reject what his consolation prize is.
>
>
>Merciful
>Coming Soon In A Theater Near You
Sure will, Lee. David, put your winter winter clothes in storage and
stock up on sunblock, because you'll be spending the next two thousand
years in scenic, sunny, Hell!
Yes, that's right, Hell - where you'll soak in hot magma till the skin
peels from body by day, and then dance the night away at the pool-side
lounge to the tropical sounds of the Torture Strollers, Hell's finest
disco kazoo band. You'll loll about on the red-hot spikes, enjoy the
finest poisoned seafood, and who knows? - you may even find love and
companionship in the romantic mustard gas groves - especially since
you'll be going to Hell in your VERY OWN HANDCAR!
While in Hell, contestants stay in the darkest, dankest, foulest pits
imaginable. Prizes provided in return for commercial considerations.
Cuthbert C. Cuthbert
The Box that Carol Merrill is holding since 1968
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 17:12:57 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: Reply to Re: PUPPET SHOW
In-Reply-To: Message of Mon,
25 Oct 1993 08:55:00 -05 from <DICKENS>
On Mon, 25 Oct 1993 08:55:00 -05 Merciful Lee Dickens said:
>>
>Your mistaken identification of the discussion on this list as"wierdness"
>belies your lack-of-understanding of the grand-theory-type principleswhich
>underly the discourse by regulars of FNORD-L. To paraphrase Harry "HeatMiser"
>Truman:
>
>"The problem is not with meaninglessness, it is in your lack ofunderstanding."
>
>But hey, We'll bury Lenin. Then we'll bury you.
>
>Um, whoever you are. -- Brent<Pollux>
>
>*** Comments from CENTRAL CASTING; 10/25/93 08:54am:
>Yeah!
>YEAH!
>Okay.
>You're in.
>You can be one of us.
>
>LIBWCA, show our new pledge the secret handshake.
Sure will, Lee. Brent, while doing the secret handshake, you'll be placing
the third finger of your left hand slightly below the right earlobe of
your intended victim, thus forming a PERFECT RHOMBUS! You'll be exerting
minimal pressure on the mastoid process with the bottom knuckle of of your
right thumb, and then extracting the brain with this BRAND-NEW OYSTER FORK!
Sounds exciting, right? But wait - that's not all! You'll be bringing the
remains back to the FNORD-L clubhouse in your own SHOPPING CART!
Cuthbert
FNORD-L Inc. and it's title character, E.J. Fnord, would like to stress that
this message is intended purely as satire, and should not in any way be
construed as encouraging or otherwise advocating the extraction of human
brains with oyster forks. FNORD-L Inc. and it's title character, E.J.
Fnord, acknowledge that each human being is a rare, unique and irreplaceable
jewel in the crown of god, and thus should be allowed to select his or her
own preferred tool when extracting the brains of his or her fellows.
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 25 Oct 1993 18:12:58 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: EJ Fnord <EJFORD>
Subject: Re: Countess Cecil is kind as well.
ZEEK!
I am disappointed in your simplistic breakdown of ethnic tensions and
the dominance heirarchy implicit in the male/female dichotomy. Your
rage, should you be a member of an ethnic minority is certainly
justified and, indeed, demanded by the situation. On the other hand,
your reliance on Black Muslim dogma tends to indicate a failure to
think the problem through thoroughly.
True, christ enslaves christians, a non-voluntary status for much of
the world. But it's not just christianity, it's all the other
religions as well, particularly those that make it more difficult to
assimilate social progress. By contrast, I refer you to the
inclusive religions, of which Shintoism, is a useful example. It
provides a sound basis under which new rationalizations for economic
and social behavior may be added at later stages. To qoute Marx:
"Religion is the opium of the masses." I feel that this best
summarizes my personal attitude on the subject. I also wish to
mention that my reference to "useful" religion should indicate that I
do not feel that opium carries a pejorative stigma in and of itself.
Concentrate on the relationship between economic status and the
ideological reinforcements of society as a whole and you will have a
truer picture of the shortcommings of segmented ethnicity as a
bechmark of progress.
As to your comments on women: the sexism inherrent in your statements
is yet another means by which we are all oppressed by the ruling
classes. The failure to acknowledge women as your equal, or men,
leads to the failure of us all.
This lapse into historical materialism brought to you by:
E. Bob Manley
Motto: Name changed to protect the fragile egos of the list
participants
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 00:01:00 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@GOTHAM.CITY.INTERNATIONAL.AIRPORT
Subject: FRAGMENTS OF MY BOUNDLESS TOLERANCE
>Consider your own message. It is wordy, trite and cumbersome - exactlywhat
>you are accusing me of.
Right, young man, a brief resume of recent history: my message was posted
in cordial response to your request for elucidation of my earlier statement,
viz., "Go Home", which was the two-word synopsis of the brief essay in
kindly criticism for which, in a clear pointer to How Youngsters Are Brought
Up These Days, you have yet to thank me. I could easily have amended my
earlier injunction to "Go Home Soon"; however, in the sincere belief thatyou
were requesting something a tad more careful, and, indeed, pedantic, I
provided just that. If you wish to describe any of my writings as "wordy,
trite and cumbersome", it would behove you to illustrate your point, a
courtesy which I extended to your own.
>Had you said, "Your poem was wordy, trite and cumbersome," I might nothave
>understood you.
Good grief, are things that bad? I should certainly hope you would have
understood me. However, as noted above, I deemed it more polite to expand
my accusations than to fling empty vilifications.
>So you demonstrated the point by being deliberately pedantic.
I thought my message was clear, precise, and comprehensively addressed the
given subject. Was there a part of it with which you had problems? If
you write to me personally (cecil@gotham.city.international.airport), I
would be delighted to assist you.
>You are obviously annoyed. More annoyed (certainly more responsive) thanif
>you had read a "vapid greeting-card" - why is that?
Again, I remind you, you asked for a response, hence my responsiveness. If
you had asked me to justify the description of a particular greeting-card
as "vapid", I would have proved no less helpful. Here in CecilConglomerates
Ltd., we believe in *encouraging the proletariat* through never, never
quashing its desire to learn. You ask us what SHAEF stands for and wejuggle
the sun, moon, and stars to come up with the answer: Supreme Headquarters of
the Allied Expeditionary Force. If you tell us that spinach is a member of
the Cornaceae family, we lead you aside so as not to embarrass you in
public and explain that, no, it was a good try, but that should be the
Chenopodiaceace family. You declare in enthusiasm one morning that you have
come up with a New Way Of Thinking, and we do not laugh quietly to ourselves
until you have left the room. No less diligent in our care for your health,
if you complain to us that you are tired, we pour you a nice glass of warm
milk and tuck you up in bed. Should you investigate the kitchen equipment
section of your local store, you will see us advertised as "Caring Despots".
And, no, please hasten to set your heart at rest, I am not annoyed, nor do
I recall feeling the slightest impatience with this group since its
inception. It has been a tremendous pleasure, Daniel, do write again soon.
love,
Cecil
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 10:03:51 -0400
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Lesser <LESSER>
Subject: the corpse has returned to the laboratory
> 5)and finally - this I forgot to mention - hearing bells
> in your sleep and thinking someone needs to get off.
>
>Melanie
when was this from? am i really alive, or is this a dream? god, this desk
looks different. melanie, i have to admit: i told them all the sordidtruth,
they know all about us. i have returned in one piece, but at what cost?and
the bell rings in the distance, so i jump up, thinking someone has to getoff.
i look around, and i'm alone. alone, alone, so alone. cold, pretentious,
unfeeling northeasterners everywhere. and someone needs to get off. whoneeds
to get off? should i look it up in my address book? why should this be my
responsibility, damn you?! no, no, no! this is just a dream, i'll wake upand
evrything will be ok. it will be january, and the warmth of the sun will
envelope me, the hills will be just as I remember them, and the coloradoriver
will rush by, reassuring me of the life somewhere within me. why? don'task
questions, my love. right now it is enough to think that i will be aliveagain.
may the silence reassure you that there is life within.
until the stories can be decipehered and transcribed:
the irish lass is striking,
the sky-god is blossoming,
the nice guy is brooding,
the writer is cheating,
the texan is trusting,
the love-poet is preparing, (i owe him a letter, methinks.)
and the corpse is holding dear the prospect of life, deep in the season of
death!
Lesser, Scott N.
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 08:36:25 -0700
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Daniel Solomons <Daniel@ >
Subject: Re: FRAGMENTS OF MY BOUNDLESS TOLERANCE
In-Reply-To: <93Oct26.030614pdt.12710(4)@ >
I am responding to CECIL@GOTHAM.CITY.INTERNATIONAL.AIRPORT
What a generous message!
Now that we have established an overall critique of my work - in long and
short form - I wonder whether you could rise to even greater variance of
your own lofty style.
I am (if I am to take your word for it) a young man of tender feelings.
Your observations are too harsh. I am crushed. I do not understand why a
person of high station should think so poorly of me, though I never meant
to do any harm.
Please be quick! I hang on your every word and wonder what I am to do next.
You read my little ditty and squashed it with a smirk. I think to myself,
"Why did he/she bother responding at all?" I thought, "Does she respond to
every torrid greeting card as she did to me?" I think, "Is there something
special about the way I write that merits sudden attention?"
My confidence is on the rise and my heart begins to soar! But it wanes. I
know you will only return my plea with another cruel jest. You know not
what you do!
If you are to encourage a "young man" at the brink [sic] of a promising
career, I beseach you - be quick to kind words.
You have read my desperate verse and I know it has touched you to the
core. Tell me - not as an incomparable writer, but as a human being - what
my poem means to you. Tell me, how have you embraced the inspiration of my
words? What ideas hold meaning for you in your everyday life? What did I
say that brought your blood to a boil? And what reduced it to a simmer?
If my poem was insipid, tell me what was *most* insipid about it. Tell me
how *consistently* insipid my poem seemed to you and how this affected you
throughout the day.
But do be careful - I will be crushed if I thought you found my poem
insipid. Do not toss around grand judgements or use words like "insipid."
For what is "insipid" but the desire for some spice in life? And what is
wrong with "insipid" but that it presumes to spice that which is already
strongly flavored?
So you must tell me what I am flavoring. Identify those flavors for me
that I so callously disregard.
Youngsters like me have no appreciation for the finer things in life, but
I am trying. Please demonstrate this delicacy to me so that I may emulate
an inspiring model.
>>>
...in a clear pointer to How Youngsters Are Brought Up These Days, you
have yet to thank me.
<<<
How remiss of me!
Thank you and have a nice day.
Daniel Solomons
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 13:16:49 -0400
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Lesser <LESSER>
Subject: to all the girls i've loved before
>I am responding to CECIL@GOTHAM.CITY.INTERNATIONAL.AIRPORT
>
>What a generous message!
>
>Now that we have established an overall critique of my work - in longand
>short form - I wonder whether you could rise to even greater variance of
>your own lofty style.
>
>I am (if I am to take your word for it) a young man of tender feelings.
>Your observations are too harsh. I am crushed. I do not understand why a
>person of high station should think so poorly of me, though I nevermeant
>to do any harm.
>
>Please be quick! I hang on your every word and wonder what I am to donext.
>
>You read my little ditty and squashed it with a smirk. I think tomyself,
>"Why did he/she bother responding at all?" I thought, "Does she respondto
>every torrid greeting card as she did to me?" I think, "Is theresomething
>special about the way I write that merits sudden attention?"
>
>...[blah, blah, blah....AND MUCH, MUCH, MORE!!!!!]
>
>thank you and have a nice day.
>
>Daniel Solomons <Daniel@hebron.connected.com>
*** Hey, Danny-boy. Your words ain't worth shit and you're cloggin up good
archival space at UBVM.CC.BUFFALO.EDU. In the future, send everything you
write to Zeek for for his approval, prior to posting. Zeek will forward
anything he considers valuable to Brent. Brent will either ignore him, or
rewrite everything in your post and forward it to EJ. EJ will laugh at you,
if you make it that far, and throw your masterwork in the trash. If ithappens
to be Merciful Lee Dickens' week to take out the trash, he has a habit of
picking through it, and you may still get a chance to have your thoughtstorn
apart on the list by someone greater than yourself. Cecil doesn't exist,
unless you really, really, really believe (you simp!), so why not just send
your mail directly to him at his "real" address: CECIL@SBCVM.BITNET (or
something like that; believe me, it's close enough.) Returned mail means he
really got what you sent, contrary to the way things usually work. Hey,this
is FNORD-L, goddamnit! It works for me when I want to talk to Bob Wilson or
Mathew Huppert. All these yelping whelps! Take two lousy weeks off tosolicit
minors in states that have liberal consent laws, and the whole place goes to
HELL... Who's giving out all the consolation prizes, anyway? Show thelosers
the god-damned door, maybe give 'em lolipops, but don't waste good vacations
on 'em. And where's Hermie? I wanna give that boy a whipping, just
to relax my nerves some.
I now return to recquisating in pace.
Lesser, Scott N.
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 14:24:17 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: EJ Fnord <EJFORD>
Subject: Re: FRAGMENTS OF MY BOUNDLESS TOLERANCE
Cecil objected to your poem because it lacked punch.
If, instead of "things are happening waiting for you to join" you had
listed a bunch of those things, we would have been transported to the
scene.
Now stop humiliating yourself by whining about criticism. Write more
poetry! As much as you can! Post it here! But if you give too
muuch of a shit about what a bunch of figments of your imagination
think about oneof your more mediocre efforts, you're wasting youur
time, and ours.
thanks,
E. "Bob" Manley,
sulking title character
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 11:59:18 -0700
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Daniel Solomons <Daniel@ >
Subject: Re: FRAGMENTS OF MY BOUNDLESS TOLERANCE
In-Reply-To: <5BF07EF4154@ >
I am responding to EJFORD
>>>
Cecil objected to your poem because it lacked punch.
If, instead of "things are happening waiting for you to join" you had
listed a bunch of those things, we would have been transported to the
scene.
<<<
I appreciate your comments - the poem lacked punch.
Your poems probably have a great deal of punch while mine do not. Does
this mean that my poetry is bad (in that it *lacks*) punch? Or does it
mean that I do not write with punch?
My poem was a response to another poem - an attempt at conversation, if
you will. I usually do not "transport" people to "scenes" when I talk - is
this truly a shortcoming when I write? (Did your response to me offer
transportation? If so, I cannot find it.)
I am not arguing with your critique of my poem. Consider me a good
listener if I seem to be challenging your self-evident pronouncements. If
they are to be worth anything at all then surely they are worth discussion.
I am already fairly well appraised of what people do *not* like about my
poem. I would be curious to know if it has had any worthwhile effect at all.
I am used to especially harsh criticism of my work (it is so dreadful,
after all). If I "obeyed" it without question, I would never publish
anything. When I learn to think like my reader, then I can adjust what is
in my head to communicate what I have intended.
My poem was not intended to transport to a scene and therefore I have no
information on how to improve it. I understand that it is seen as
simple-minded drivel, but this - though not the purpose of the poem - is
not necessarily a bad thing. It is only when I know what *has* been
received, that I know how to adjust the transmission.
Please do not encourage new writers to accept criticism as "feedback."
That is, "golden" words to be cherished and obeyed. Most of the great
inventions we take for granted today started life as "dumb" ideas.
If my poem irritates you, then I apologize. If it does not transport you,
then I hope you are not too disappointed. Yet do not jump to the conclusion
that you have critiqued my work because you have not. I expect commentary
beyond the bland "love it" or "hate it" and I don't give a damn about
eloquence. (I am not annoyed - merly emphatic.)
(Tell me, is my critique to your "criticism" something you are able to use?
If not, then I have been unclear.)
Daniel Solomons
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 15:23:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Re: FRAGMENTS OF MY
>From: Daniel Solomons <Daniel@ >
>Subject: Re: FRAGMENTS OF MY BOUNDLESS TOLERANCE
Thank you and have a nice day.
Daniel Solomons <Daniel@ >
*** Comments from DICKENS; 10/26/93 03:14pm:
What? Are you BACK?
AGAIN?
Wussa matta choob OY?
Hey! Leggo my pants leg!
Let GO, I said!!!
Alright now, c'mon, we had a pleasant little visit now
Let's not spoil it
Quick, Bill!
I'll walk him over by the compost - you put the chattering tree shrews
(tm) on him and I'll try to shake him off!
There's Not A Moment To Spare,
Merciful "Really Getting Exciting Huh?" Lee Dickens
Coming Soon In A Theater Near You
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 13:24:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Natasha F. Fatale" <JOHNSM4 >
Subject: Reply to another discordian..
All Hail Eris! Hail Discordia!
Chaos is the driving force in the universe. Before there was
anything, there was chaos. Entropy breaks all atoms apart, erosion turns
mountains into dust. Everything falls apart in time.
But anarchy has two sides. After the societal structure of theworld
as we know it is broken down and discarded in favor of chaos, a new orderwill
come into being. But in time this new order will also be broken down infavor
of chaos once again. The universe has a cyclical nature; everything returnsto
chaos.
I will not be around to see the new order. I will be lighting fires
screaming obscenities and breaking the boundaries of the world, when thetime
is right. All of this in the Holy name of Eris. Now I bide my time,waiting
for the time when the universe will once again convulse in death throes. I
will die with it, and so will all of the old order. I am too set in my
anarchist ways to help rebuild. I would be discontented with the period of
peace that will inevitable follow the destruction of our order.
by the way...
i am a jerky.
*** Comments; 10/26/93 12:47pm:
Mr. A. Jerky:
I am in receipt of your application for Chief Garbage Can Flinger in
the horizontal government of the City of Seaside. Although your
enthusiasm is beyond question, I cannot tell but that your
experience and willingness to be a self-starter are, shall we say,
spotty? Surely this is only a matter of application format.
I am optimistic about your qualifications and opportunity for
advancement, however, and suspect you are selling yourself
short. With this view, please submit a less vertically illusionary
resume and a more complete affadavit of experience.
Thank you for your interest.
Natasha F. Fatale
Commander in Chief
Enforced Altruism Taskforces (EATs)
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 26 Oct 1993 18:00:24 GMT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Murali <majcher >
Subject: flyswatter
Got most of 'em. The rest of youse, shaddup. Go on with the
RAW and Tim and all that...I'm feeling a bit veclempt, talk amongst
yourselves.
Mom
making the.world a better place since about thirty seconds ago
majcher@
Open your eyes, and look within.
Are you satisfied
with the life you're living?
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1993 00:01:00 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@CECILS.U.S.A
Subject: MY SECOND MIRACLE
>You have read my desperate verse and I know it has touched you to the
>core. Tell me - not as an incomparable writer, but as a human being -what
>my poem means to you. Tell me, how have you embraced the inspiration ofmy
>words? What ideas hold meaning for you in your everyday life? What did I
>say that brought your blood to a boil? And what reduced it to a simmer?
Tell you what, Daniel, let's not squabble any more. You ask me to mention
those aspects of your poem which I found pleasing, but, in truth, there are
none of those, though I congratulate you on your quite legible handwriting.
I think your verse sucks, you hold that it may have redeeming features; you
think my critique is invalid, and, well, I bow to your more learnedjudgement:
shall we leave it at that?
You know, Daniel, life here on the McCecil Estates may not be the idyll
it appears from your perspective. The fresh air is bracing, I grant you,
and it is always uplifting to while away an afternoon shooting wild turkey
on the border slopes, but beneath the carefree existence is an enduring
unease. The worry that my little pleasantries might be taken amiss, the
Fear of God, the suspicion that my pal Edwin Joseph may be feeling
neglected since you came hopping so trustingly along and I started picking
on you instead of him: all these things give me pause, and often these past
few months, as I pass through the Long Gallery to my bedchamber musing to
myself that I would give my life for a posthumous pardon, I fancy I hear the
clanking of chains.
Let me tell you something, Daniel, old chum: you and I could have a great
deal in common. Did your friend drive an ugly great Ford Scorpio right over
your pet hedgehog? Mine did. Do you prefer your brandy without ice? Snap.
Have you felt restless and defeated lately? Me too. Do you find the
Radio Eireann signal tends to fade when it rains? I do. Did you fall for
Mr. Rollins' promise to give us all a doughnut? Yes, so did I; my, what a
gullible pair we make! Did your hairdryer explode on Tuesday morning? Mine
did as well. Is your watch losing about five minutes per hour? So is mine.
Do you collect the dry husks of baby crabs marooned along the shore by the
turning tide? I'd wager you don't have as many of them as I do! Do you
still miss India when the monsoon season rolls round? Yeah, son, it's a
drag. Did you lose a leg at El Alamein? No, nor did I. Heavens, man,we're
practically Twin Souls! Why, you must come around to tea somet-
-Well, I'm damned if I haven't gone and eaten all the peanuts while I'vebeen
chatting on; how terribly uncouth. Why didn't you say something, old chap?
You know I would have wanted to share them with you. God, I feel really bad
now.
And, Daniel, dear boy, before you go, I'd just like to let you know that
tomorrow, the 28th of October, is my mother's birthday.
love,
Cecil
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1993 12:27:01 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <00bcpalmer>
Subject: THE LITTLEST GIANT <a story>
*ahem*
Hello boys and others, I have a short story to tell you about ---
The Littlest Giant!
Once there was a tiny, tiny man named, er, Zeek, who was part of a
race of giants. Everywhere he went in Fnordstown he told people he was agiant;
but nobody believed him. Everybody laughed.
"It is impossible that you are a giant!" Cuthbert Burly, theblacksmith
would say,You are shorter than three stacked anvils!"
Cuthbert Burly was a very strong m and he would bring three anvils
into the town pub, which was the busiest place in town, and he would stackthe
anvils and they would barely stack up level with the counter behind whichEJ,
the bartender, stood.
If the little giant was there, Cuthbert Burly would say, "You areabout
two-and-a-halh feet tall, O 'giant'!" and everybody in the pub would laughand
shout toasts to each others' good health.
One day a pirate [oooo!] named J docked his ship near the town, and
came over the hill into town, leaving his crew behind. The pirate had aneye-
patch, and a wooden leg and a parrot on his shoulder, and instead of a right
hand, he had a big gleaming hook! Everybody in town could see that this man
was a pirate. It was obvious.
THE END
Tha Thank you. Thank you very much. -Bre
-Brent <pollux>>
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1993 14:58:54 -0400
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Lesser <LESSER>
Subject: dedicated to love & companionship of good friends &lovers
The effect of killing is the
elimination of the boundary
of reality. The resulting
realization of complete
freedom then leads to
entrapment within senseless,
absolute power. This
knowledge kills a man's self
with the pure terror of
confronting truth; even
before his life can be
terminated by the judgement
of the fates. I know the
abadonment of sanity, and the
bliss found in pain beyond
the reach of judgement.
And I much prefer a nice, cool
glass of malted Ovaltine.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
bad day for our hero.
his pipes are leaking real awful-like, so he tries to make another temporary
repair last night at 11:00, flooding his domicile. standing on ladder, heuses
his shirt to keep water from spraying over ceiling, and then gets epoxyputty,
clamps and gaskets, to improvise another temporary repair. so, then he hadto
call the property management company to fix said pipes, but as he is not
legally living in a commercial/industrial space, he has to hide all tracesof
day-to-day life in his home. this at 12:30 in the evening.
he breaks down bed, piles boxes on his mattress, puts clothes in boxes,moves
everything into front area, etc., etc. then, he heads to randolph(hometown)
to sleep on his brother's empty bed. arrives at 2:30, clad in wet khakhi
pants, no shirt, leather jacket, and untied shoes. is carrying computer,
overnight bag, and bookbag with papers from work. it is 49 degrees outside,as
he slams the car door.
hero goes to sleep at 3:30 and wakes up in the night after another dream.
(this one forgotten.)
comes into work at 12:45.
has much work to attend to.
is hallucinating sensations, mostly textural stuff.
contemplated allowing self to have a breakdown, but felt it was better notto.
it's always when we seem to have our shit together most, that we fearslipping
into being crazy. that was part of my nightmare from a few nights ago.[for
those i mentioned this to.]
i understand it so clearly that it is like sticking my arm in a lions cage.
i am in several places at once, right now; floating in space and watchingall
my selves scrambling in and out of my anthills.
many trees are naked in massachusetts
i called leah at 11:30, but she was asleep. i'm looking forward to tellingher
i'm leaving the state. [tossed in for rdh, as a red herring]
"it ain't easy to get to heaven when you're going down."
i need a whole week to write everything that needs to be written toeveryone.
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
Qnivq, ex-plasma love being, and co-mechanical-lover of Urngure sleepswithin
two miles of my pillow.
yer pal, in love with the memory of love above the reality of imperfection,
"x"
p.s. Be the first on yer block to enter FNORD's "Name That MelodramaticYoung
Lad" contest. Come on! You know "Lesser, Scott N." just doesn't cut it!If
this man's going to a new life, in a new town, many new opportunities for
representation are possible. Use yer noggins'! The winner may get a guest
appearance an the upcoming novel, _Steven Tunney Gets a Haircut_.
Or a copy of my Laughing Clowns tape.
Try finding one of your own.
And look for names while you're out there.
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 27 Oct 1993 15:07:09 CST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Melanie Willis <GS0383>
Subject: the poet
I think that the poet should be commended for his courage, regardless of how
bland or meaningless his work may seem to all of you. And that includes even
you, Cecil of the Manor.
And let's not forget that Daniel(?) wrote this not as an attempt to show his
talent to the world and to be judged by the world but as an honest heartfelt
attempt to help a troubled soul, one of the many we have here on this list.
Hey, you never know, it may have been just what Mr. Holder needed to hear.It
may have saved him from doing something foolish that day.
So show some respect. Or I'll turn this car around right now.
Word to your mother
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 00:31:03 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: ltc_zeek@PSYCHOPS.CHARLIEBAT.MIL
Subject: as you were private pollux
private pullox:
how many times we gotta tell you insubordination to a senior officer is
punishable by chapter 178-A-F/NWS?
if you continue to play grabass with the other troops in formation i'll
have to smoke ya like a cheap norwegian cigar
and don't think we don't know about those diet pills you've been hiding
under your air mattress
that's right, keep knockin em out... what? already fuckin' tired?
been pawin away at another one of those care packages your mama sent you i
reckon
private, there's just one thing i'm gonna tell you and i hope its as clear
as the night is not day:
Let us not conjecture at random about the greatest
of things.
-z
<and you better believe there are labor unions in norway>
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 00:43:39 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: zeque@OSTRICH.HOP.ORG
Subject: apologies people
After an annoying afternoon of being chased by large dogs and cats and
shooing polluxish like insects from the hair of my chinny chin I composed
the earlier post in which I mentioned the evils of large christ devils and
such things.
The intention was not to imply misogyny or violence to any specific
individuals, creed, or television show.
Apologies to those whom may have been offended.
The words for which I longed for were piled low under
the insect books, which of course were "thrown" at
your humble narrator at an earlier and very
offensive kourtroom
hearing.
Forgive me, I must paraphrase ...or borrow:
These premises have been cursed by black sorcery. The curse has been
activated according to correct rituals. This institution is cursed
because it has oppressed the imagination and defiled the intellect,
degraded the arts toward stupefication, spiritual slavery, propoganda for
state and capital, puritanical reaction, unjust profits, lies and
aesthetic blight.
The employees of this institution are now in danger. No individual has been
cursed, but the place itself has been infected with ill fortune and
malignancy. Those who do not wake up and quit, or begin sabotoging the
work place, will gradually fall under the effect of this sorcery.
Removing or destroying the implement of sorcery will do no good. It has
been seen in this place, and this place is cursed. Reclaim your humanity
and revolt in the name of the imagination - or else be judged (in the
mirror of this charm) and enemy of the human race.
At present, for tactical reasons, we do not advocate violence or sorcery
against individuals. We call for actions against institutions and ideas -
art-sabotage and clandestine propoganda (including ceremonial magic and
"tantrik pornography") - and especially against the poisonous media of the
empire of lies. The Black Djinn Curse represents only a first step in the
campaign of poetic terrorism which - we trust - will lead to other less
subtle forms of insurrection.
--------
Please, someone flush the toilet, it would help keep the polluxus count
down.
Thank you,
-z
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 07:34:57 -0700
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Daniel Solomons <Daniel@ >
Subject: Re: MY SECOND MIRACLE
In-Reply-To: <93Oct27.031343pdt.12674@ >
I am responding to CECIL@CECILS.U.S.A
Dear Cecil,
You say, "You ask me to mention those aspects of your poem which I found
pleasing," and of course, you are unable to. I would never ask such a
difficult task of you. No, I wrote several pages specifically asking you
to describe "what my poem means to you." You already made it quite clear
that the poem was in no way pleasing, yet your response was sufficiently
energetic that I was curious as to its cause.
If you were to watch a soap opera, what would be your enlightening
response - "I don't like it?" How informative.
Yet soap operas - objectionable though they may be - involve the astute
viewer in emotional turmoil. You may dislike the turmoil, and it makes
sense to say so. But are you incapable of sufficient introspection to
*describe* that turmoil?
As I read through your letter, which was very interesting and
entertaining, I began to wonder. Descriptive as the letter was, it in no
way addressed *my* letter or anything specific to your conversation with
me. It could have been written in response to a tv show you saw. Or to a
friend of yours, other than myself. And so, I am now curious - are you a
"curmudgeon"?
I have never met a curmudgeon before, though I have read some editorials
purportedly written by curmudgeons.
The main trait of a curmudgeon, it would seem, is the ability to spout
lengthy rhetoric at the slightest provocation. Should someone suggest that
she just learned to play golf for the first time, the curmudgeon would
lecture her on the evils of *watching* golf on tv. The curmudgeon is
completely unaware and, of course, disinterested in perspectives other
than his own. The keyword "golf" is all that is required to start his
tape running.
But there is another reason why I think you might be a curmudgeon - you
call me "dear boy." What a dead giveaway! I don't know why I missed it the
first time around.
Curmudgeons all have to be elderly. Nothing on their bodies is fully
operational and the world has had many years to deteriorate as well, "life
here on the McCecil Estates may not be the idyll it appears."
It is this perspective of being above it all yet subject to the worst of
it that makes the curmudgeon who she is. One does not attempt to talk *to*
a curmudgeon, one need only talk briefly *within earshot* of a curmudgeon
to overhear many hours of humorous diatribe.
Daniel Solomons
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 09:59:20 MDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <WHIPLASH>
Subject: daniel solomon....
...oh, DO shut up, please.
it's not that i don't find every word that proceeds
from your mouth to be extraordinarily electrifying,
it's just that the springs on the catapult must be
exercised once every few days, or they begin to get
brittle, and may snap. then we'd have to leave the Ivory Tower
for town to get more springs... brushing by commoners...
i think you get the picture... and we can't have that
now, can we? So, we'll catch you in the Rod McKuen
section in a little while. I mean, I hate to seem
ungrateful... you were trying to be kind. But I'm fed
up with people telling me "it'll get better". That's
bullshit, baby. It's not going to get better. But since
you were such a sport, shall we bring you anything?
Roast Lamb? A music box? How about a nice, freshly
laundered blanket? It's going to be a bit cold, this
winter you know...
Sproing,
rob
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 13:56:14 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "E. \"Bob\" Manley" <EJFORD>
Subject: Re: Reply to Re: PUPPET SHOW
Say, ah, if ya'll can hear this, you should probably get them ears
examined, 'r somethin'.
But, um, if someone was to, say, get cute with the list's membership,
unsubbing me and at least one other person, I have only one thing to
say:
I defer to your superior computer abilities.
Now, would you please tell me why you aren't able to verbalize your
displeasure with my posts on the list? If not, nevermind.
In the meanwhile, I'd like to mention that the show was a triumphant
success. If it were not for Joel's sausage sales, however, I don't
think that we would have broken even, because we only had one
audience member. He ate 3876 polska kielbasa.
B<p>, what'll ya have?
E. "Bob" Manley
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 14:40:17 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Cuthbert Agonistes <LIBWCA>
Subject: WHERE'S THE BEER?
Hi, kids. The Pyrenees are lovely this year. How I wish each and
every one of you could have held my head as I disgorged ethnic dishes
from their peaks.
Anyway, let me get unpacked, and then we'll see who needs a trip to
the woodshed.
Cuthbert
Just flew in from oblivion, and boy is my karma tired
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 15:30:19 MDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <WHIPLASH>
Subject: jack u off
Atten-HUT! Scouts, eyes front! Billy, Jacob, stop that
horsing around little Misters!
Very good!
Now we have here before us a specimen of human DEEEEE
PRESHUNN!!! For your A-musemint, CunsiderASHUN, aaaand
PERsonal EDIFEEKAYSHUN.... ONE! MISTER!....
Tom Nelson, RD, Ladies and Gentlemen! Very good, very
good, yes, OK, please Ladies and Gentlemen, back away from
the stage, Mr. Nelson WILL be available for autographs in
the Green Room after The Show.
Now, we've come here today to have a little Group Meeting
about a subject which is a bit unpleasant, BUT IMPORTANT
NONETHELESS!!!
It appears that Mr. Nelson has retained from his recent
foray into the nether regions of personal hygiene, A BIT OF
DEPRESSION, and he has asked US, the representatives of the
Good Cop Bad Cop Liquid Jitters Association of America for
a wee bit of ASSISTANCE in solving his problem.
Well Tom, Goddammit, ya been such a good egg an all this
whole time, overall ya been a real decent humin bein'...
you're not from Virginia, are ye...? GODdammit I KNEW IT!
You're from Virginny, you're a Taurus, you sleep with your
socks on and your significant other's name is Aloyisius!
Anyways... some things to cheer you up:
Tommorrow's friday. Where you are it's nearing the end of
the working day (presuming you get done around 5pm...).
You're not wearing the socks I'm wearing right now; large
holes in the heel, with 400 yards to walk to the bus stop,
the terrycloth style polyester and cotten stiff and slimy
since they're MY ONLY PAIR. Robert McElwaine is no longer
around, and how can THAT be bad, eh? I didn't know the
chap, and he seemed more or less harmless, but still he
sure was a strange one.
hmm... sorry Tom, but i'm gonna have to cut your therapy
short today. See that bright light in the sky, Tom? That's
a Very Light... the shelling is picking up again, and I
can see some smoke moving along the enemy picket... I do
believe they're going over the top again... the Major says
they should be coming around the right side of that grassy
knoll there... looks like another long night.
try not to get shot, you cheeky blighter, eh, wot?!
Gluing the Dead Man's Switch
To My Palm,
rob
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 14:54:49 -0400
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: bean <hermes >
Subject: poets and crustaceons
dan, i don't even remember your poem.
i too am generally moved by rob's letters,
but i know better than to send response to fnord.
they are a calous and ruthless bunch.
oh, by the way, to whoever unsubed me:
you better look out. i borrowed the oyster fork and am on your trail.
ai hermes
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 28 Oct 1993 19:29:39 -0400
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: bean <hermes >
Subject: phone calls...
ok, the unsubbing bit is over. and ej was unsubbed too.
(i seem to remember both of our names being switched to poogy hug-a-bear
a while back too...)
oh, by the way ej, it's not to hard to unsub someone. there's this little
thing called port ummm.. urrr... well i'd rather not say because it's not
nice, and i'll lose my acount if *i* use it anymore so why should everyone
else have all the fun?
but my point:
although annoying, unsubbing and name changing is not a crime (other than
forgery possibly). threatening phone calls *are* a crime.
get my point?
--ai hermes
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 15:42:00 GMT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "H. Uniatz" <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: complaint
> Got most of 'em. The rest of youse, shaddup. Go on with the
>RAW and Tim and all that...I'm feeling a bit veclempt, talk amongst
>yourselves.
>
>Mom
>making the.world a better place since about thirty seconds ago
Dear Marc Majcher,
This suggests that you are responsible for removing subscribers
from Fnord-L. If so, did you have a reason?
To my knowledge, Bill, Arthur, Dana, EJ, and Lesser have been
removed; perhaps others have as well. These people include the best
and most consistently entertaining contributors to any discussion groups
which I have observed; they are the reason why I, and, I do not doubt, many
others, care to linger here. You call for New Ways Of Thinking, they
provide just that, perhaps not in the poor, narrow sense which you seem to
hold dear, but in a way which transcends it, in their endless innovation and
disinclination to heed the boundaries you set in your meanspirited display
of tyranny, one of the most shameful Old Ways of Thinking there is.
If I accuse you without basis, and this is not your doing, do you
not think you should, as listowner, investigate and remedy the situation,
rather than lose a bunch of remarkable and talented people to the whim of
some fool and watch the list degenerate into the sickly stupor which
characterises so many such groups?
Or, if you *are* responsible, and if censorship was not the sole
motive for your action, I should appreciate an elucidation of your aims
in this senseless purge. You have, of course, the dictatorial option of
ignoring my query and removing myself also from your shrine to Carefully
Selected Thinkers, "RAW and Tim and all that". If so, so be it, I have no
interest in remaining in the dull and stagnant wake.
H.
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 12:16:53 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <00bcpalmer>
Subject: O The Humanity ...
Forget for a moment the ethical more which says we must human to
human be more humane. Forget for a moment the forgettable argument that
by not being humane we have marred our all-too-human souls and are thus
no longer "right with God". To paraphrase Rod Serling: Consider if you will,
the fairer seX, that is to say, the inseX or as they are commonly called:
"insects".
Consider, in particular, the criminally insane ant. We humans, giv'n
so easily over to romantic notions, have bestowed the title of "scout" onsuch
loner ants as we encounter so often in our lives. These seemingly intrepid
friends
are, actually, the village idiots of the ant hill. Ants have not developed
humane
housing for their mentally ill.
And that's where we come in. Let us build us *real* as in *true*roach
hotels or motels or whatever. In this way we may begin to test the ethics of
peace, yea, even in our own back yards.
It's a start.
The queen has wings, and so must we.
Brent <pollux>
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 12:29:39 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <00bcpalmer>
Subject: Re: complaint
As one-of-the-purged I would like to take a moment to make a comment in the
old world vein as per Uniatz.
I have known Tim Leary since the mid-70s when he visited my sister-in-law-to
-be's home in Albequerque (sp?). I regret to tell those of you who fancyyour-
selves erudite in the ways of "new" thought that the purged are less vaguethan
he. I am so surprised that this purge happened, it makes me doubt whetherthe
insanity is endorsed by the boy scouts. Etc. So there. *nyah*
Brent <Pollux>
Friend of the crack in the cosmic egg
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 12:46:47 MDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <WHIPLASH>
Subject: Well Well Well.
isn't this a jolly little feud? it's just the sort
of distraction i need, what with daily solitude of
irreconcilable differences looming only three weeks before
me. while you hatfields and mccoy's sort out whose
cousins fucked whose sisters, allow me, a poor travelling
salesman to make my position clear here at your little
roadside greasy spoon:
The Fnord Censor is a craven, unimaginative self-evident
loser. I can post all fucking day long, subscribed or
not, and i can get the daily archive via anonymous ftp twice
a day... so KISS MY ASS MOTHERFUCKER. I ain't goin' nowheres.
at least not until 12th of November...
you know, i've never been thrown out of a greasy spoon
before. I vote we change the list from "New Ways of Thinking"
to "Bubba Joe's Truck Stop". we've already got us a bouncer.
Last Call, Ladies! Last Call, Gents,
Chidiock Tichborne
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 15:19:36 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Allison Freeman <AFREEMAN>
Subject: Hey! I feel so left out.
If this is what this list is like without the "old guard" then
unsubscribe me too. God, what a boring-assed, fucking drag. And to
the "funny-guy/girl" who thinks this juvenile class of prank (and I'm
being generous in even calling it that) is a laff-riot (you know who
you are and, more importantly, so do they), you are even more
pathetic than I thought.
Allison Freeman
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 15:26:57 MDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <WHIPLASH>
Subject: danielito, danielito
who asked you? who asked you anything?
I am obviously content? you are obviously full
of shit. you want to write poems, fine. you
want to show them to people, expect some criticism,
especially here.
but you keep your filthy little rubbery mouth
OFF of the subject of my life. you hear me you
smug little shit? i'm not fucking kidding daniel
solomon of hebron. leave me alone now, and we'll
get along great. i don't want your plastic american
express commercial smile and your sanctimonious
presbytarian middle class turned sensitive new age
flatulent faceless voice in the box at taco bell views.
LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE.
i've had a hard day, a hard week and a hard three
months. i'm not in the mood for this shit.
Robert Holder
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 17:07:55 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: zeek is a fine being i vouch for his trust
Some of us here are genuinely too Retarded to comprehend the intricacies
of this mess, even the most essential core component thereof. We areundergoing
our death of Chaos Theory, which is widely known, almost prevalent in thecom-
prehension of it, by which is meant I alone of the 600 subscribers toANTHRO-L
and the half-as-many listed for Progressive Sociologists Network cannot say
Thingie One anent Chaos (or Complexity just to make sure ThingiesInGeneralare
not in process of getting oversimple) Theory, so have announced that, having
neither understanding nor interest in Chaos, I have assembled, after the
fashion commenced with my collection of bus transfers, this having beenamassed
by faking handing over the transfer or pretending it wasn't necessary orpaying
full fare to get on the bus justonnacounta I wanted to squirrel away thetrans-
fer *** so damn bad *** even if there was no question *** in the particular
transaction of this very transfer giving me the obsessively coveted COMPLETE
SET, the proximate goal of all collections of substantial rectangular-object
accumulatation *** with the sole exception of the National Debt *** of the
federal government of armenia and to the republic for which it stands onevolk
one reich, uh, one nation, indivisible by zero, with hegemonic Thingies ofthe
likes of Liberty, statue of; Justice, Dept of; etc ad inf for all and allfor
Them; it says on the statue, "I lift my leg beside the golden door."
When mommy and daddy caught me with the collection of bus transfers, as I
recall I was four, but mustabeen older; this was the first occasion I recall
when daddy got on the phone and pretended to enroll me in Military School,
which he shoulda I now fully believe have gone through with but had no
intention of going through with it with all the moneysquandering entailed
thuswise justa make a man of me, which shoulda happenened inna naturalcourse
of things DueTimeWise, which it never did; flunked each and every natural
course of things.
Had accordingly to tell Them in all honesty that if Them made me move in
with my mother till her death, the latter event would occur within threehours
of said inmigration. Did I not love my mother. At age eleven I did come to
think about it now, as I was most certainly unthunking about it at the time,
attempt to perpetrate a nasty upon my mother. My father was, for the firsttime
I'd ever observed this expression expressed by my father, coldly angry.Which
I did not comprehend emotionally; merely intellecttually; and the lattermerely
due to inculcation by English Teacher Miss [back then] Roslyn Olitzsky, the
first woman I had a Sick Fixation on whilst all the other boys had MadCrushes;
inculcated matter including but not restricted to Greek monarch who mustabeen
masturbating like my father told me about onnacounta he haddawear glasses asI
did myself for same reason until last week, when Dr Wittpenn announced that,
once I'd paid the $3000 for the last eyeball, the bar-code implant would
automatically switch on the vision capability, wasn't that highly technical
high tech. I told him, you got it all screwed up, Ward Melville White Whale
Memorial High was down 25a Setauket way; Frank Melville Technical High and
Aquatic Mammal Mammography Laboratories were up near Poquott, I believe but
not sure, I told him, if not tellingly.
Even by my low-phylum standards, you see, what's going on here, whatever
it is, if it is anything, which is to assume what remains to be proven,cannot
amount to much. A hill of beans is carefully measured by the sensitiveantennae
of the armenian Dept of Agriculture; but this, hardly. If someone explainedit
and after I read all the GOPHERN files for which I subscribed for purelyreli-
gious reasons (to be au courant with serious compugibberish) and I repriori-
tized the explication of the nothingness in question with a Funding Priority
Number which pretends its a research grant which I cannot write any of for
telling the exact truth, "I've diddled around a lot in this; so I figurethat,
with a little more diddling around with that and the other thing too, Ireally
outghta diddle myself into something generalizable."
Now, in conclusion, it is my distinct superficial impression that zeek,as
he prefers to be called on elselists, is completely out of characterr forthe
malignity the role you have thrust upon him without proof or verification or
DNA analysis of spermatozoa or generally speaking any of thoseincomprehensible
things which, if you blew them past my ear, would take on the seriousrespecta-
bility of scientific Thingies.
The used car I have purchased from zeek still functions and consequently
after much trepidation I have donated it to the memorial fund for victims of
poisoning perpetrated by last week's Long Island Serial Killer. For me, the
consequences of mass illness in the cafeteria, where I ate my daily meal for
years, were momentous. Anybody dropping dead from hereonout, when I havebeen
reliably unreported to have been anywhere near the University Hospitalcafete-
ria notwithstanding promiscuous deployment of Foss-specific Sensors andDetect-
ors, will render charges of emulating the apprehended Serial Killer,elsewise
being merely the same old Serial Killer transmigrated into a new body, that
much more difficult to bruit about; though very possible, still.
Daniel A. Foss
<Hi, Melanie Willis, why don't we try to
take the whole thing right from the top
as if nothing has happened; make hay while
the fool's paradise shines; good moods with
no reason, for my own protection, are of limited
duration, as I make very sure about. Notwithstanding
a fool and his money are soon parted; which the Medical-
Industrial Complex has made sure of already. Oh, Melanie,
I have got an even newer scheme for filching big bucks out
of the decadent armenian mentality; which is, if you remember
the Second Clinton Assassination Conspiracy, where we hadda
pull all those books outta Daltons & Waldenbooks, from mall
to shining mall, everything ready for the Smoking Gun until
Them decided, "ah, shit, why bother." But now they figure they
shoulda bothered when the bothering was if not good at least
much better. Them is the Medical-Industrial Complex; the old
Military-Industrial Complex in the real fictiitious movie by
the Stone guy has been recycled for the duration. The First
Clinton Assassination was foiled by JJ throwing a dead wildcat
through the window of Clinton HQ with encrypted message tied to
tail. This was in Little Rock AR, home of the Governor as well
as JJ, a real person, or so she was up to that time. Also of
Clinton HQ and, unrevealed at the time, Paranoid Central.>
We are an army we are mighty we are proud we are careful
WE ARE PARANOIDS,
Paranoids of the world united in mutual suspicion!
So long as we suspect everything and
In likewise fashion suspect each and all,
We are invulnerable to the universe
Excepting only women.
March on march on
Whilst nobody's looking,
To be invisible
Is to be invulnerable
March on for Paranoid Nation march on.
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 18:48:53 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: sick ants
Mr Pollux, I believe, and mark you it is not my usual policy to singleout
specific organisms or indulge in poisonalities: Your mention in recentishpost
anent sick, premeditatedly poisoned ants is, hardly imaginably bycoincidence,
precisely and exactly allusive to the modus operandi of October's SuffixCounty
Long Island Serial Killer of the Month. To wit, this "Michael Kirk," as he
renamed himself on the principle of What could be more Normal than StarTrek?
used arsenic-based ant poison on six human organisms in Illinois, notcounting
ant farms decimated by pretesting the toxic substance. In his subsequentpost,
in Columbus OH, several patients under his care died mysteriously; nothing
having been proven regarding that situation however for the sole reason that
no investigation was ever made for fear of the emrgence of something provenby
contrast to suspicion, sheer supposition, and vile smearing canards whoseprima
facie manipulation would have the sole and exclusive effect of Ruining An
Innocent Man, fie, for shame! Nor was a proper investigation made of theconse-
quences, of whatever gravity (or of course none at all) of the fiend's next
sojourn, in South Dakota; and the chances of Stony Brook University Hospital
doing a thorough job of it are minimal: What is at stake is publicconfidence,
by which is meant willingness to overpeay indefinitely, in theMedical-Indust-
rial Complex, whose tangled web of influence at this very moment threatens
Chelsea Clinton with a lollipop.
As I live across the street from University Hospital, it is only to be
antticipated that the Authorities are about to make, or have already made,
the obvious logical inferences, there being little reason to cry over spilt
truth values from Their perspective; always count your Deviants beforethey're
hatched.
---------------------------------------
Those whose antfarms are exhibiting visible plagues, inexplicablemortality
including Sudded Egg Death, or mass refusals to function on the part ofworker
ants are encouraged to contact ANTOWNER@UBVM; this userid has been warned of
potential, hypothetical, or conjectural consequences of refusal todisambiguate
but has laughed the whole thing off. <cackle>
--------------------------------------------
On a more depressing note, the entire whateveritisthat'sgoingon is theworst
posible symptom of the morale and moral health of the Paranoid LiberationMove-
ment. Under no circumstances may true,hardened-and-disciplined-in-the-struggle
Paranoid militants react much less overreact to the conspiracies of Normals,
which are part of Nature, like smog.
The mission of the Mighty Army of Paranoids on the march is contrariwiseto
spread fear, insecurity, and overreations to conspiracies which are nothingbut
emanations of our own febrile imaginations among our Enemies, the Normals.
Daniel A. Foss
"Nixon's mistake was, there were far too many of Them to put on a List."
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 29 Oct 1993 20:58:11 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Ska Boy <MJF008 >
Subject: Re: Well Well Well.
In-Reply-To: Your message dated "Fri, 29 Oct 1993 12:46:47 -0600 (MDT)"<01H4P42OI62A00BPPO@ >
To the pudfuck who is throwing people off the list.......
GET A HOBBY!
- Ska
=========================================================================
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 1993 14:28:48 GMT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Jesus Christ on XTC <joeprovo>
Subject: Re: flyswatter
majcher@acsu.buffalo.edu (Murali) writes:
> Got most of 'em. The rest of youse, shaddup. Go on with the
>RAW and Tim and all that...I'm feeling a bit veclempt, talk amongst
>yourselves.
Devious...? I can't believe this is still you? You've been punting people?
sigh... I *think* I dropped from the list and went just with news... or didyou
punt me too? no matter -- the point is anyone with a newsreader can getthis,
so punting only cripples the moronic... and we've ditched those aeons ago.
You know I've never been one in favor of the stony brook-stylers, but youjust
cut a major hunk of research data out from under me! I've been doing mythesis
on rhetorical re-construction in the increasingly electronic world... man...if
THAT isn't a "new way of thinking", paint me purple and wax my dolphin.
You may have just pushed me in the direction of the stony brookers, cap...and
you & I... we've been here since the start... since before the start...
but then again, I *do* truly buy my solipsistic/insane reality, so thismakes
no matter.
joe, grumbling off to find more research data [and glad that he doesn't take
TOO long to parse through downloaded news batches...]
--
Disclaimer: "I'm the only one foolish enough to claim these opinions asmine."
=========================================================================
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 1993 09:48:41 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <00bcpalmer>
Subject: Re: zeek is a fine being i vouch for his trust
Wow. Doc Foss loves us. He loves us all.
Brent <Pollux>
p.s. serial killer = ceres demeter
or cereal eater
=========================================================================
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 1993 10:44:18 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <00bcpalmer>
Subject: The Olympics
The Moral Purpose of Government
In order for a civil service to function, those serving areempowered
with civility by those citizens sacrificing their individuality in the formof
personal rights and personal money so that a government may have the powerto
appear helpful and perhaps actually to be helpful, which brings to bear the
interesting fact that "civil service" is an anagram of "I serve Cecil IV,"and
also take note that if you say "civil service" repeatedly and very fast, you
will eventually find yourself saying "cecil," a point which I raise not raze
in criticism of Cecil, but merely meant to illustrate the fine line between
everything goes Jazz Age thinking and fascism.
I realize I am making a serious point, so I will stopdouble-spacing.
The more you say all of this is a big null set or this is all just a
big randomness or critical theory is dead, the *bigger* the label, the*bigger*
the box you are putting around the universe. The there-is-no-form people are
creating the biggest form of all and it is encompassing you and me and all
things imaginable and unimaginable. The big form they are creating is called
there-is-no-form, and it is to this notion I wish to extend my one ring of
the five on the Olympic flag.
The premise of the Olympics is that a government may fosterintercul-
tural exchange and thereby promote peaceful interaction/competitiondefraying
the chance of any participating nation being or becoming a serial nation.The
SERIAL imPORTance of this is that this role of the nation is granted to it
by those participating citizens (by virtue of wealth or the vote orwhatever)
who vote by buying something or into something, namely that interculturalex-
change must needs include the exchange of blows. Such is the case in thisrock,
this FNORD-L, when we surrender our silence.
Yet I see silence as the highest form, the uberform, if you will.And
I don't think Beethoven's 5th would sound very good without the rests, the
silences and all that. But I am a man of flow. And damned if I'm not always
meditiating somewhere while also regailing the tonedeaf. My music is themusic
of that portion of the Eternal Oneness, that one ring of the five, whichmust
protest against the principle that one must trust another trusting another,
e'en when the former another is the Nation's premiere. I submit that themost
acidic participant in this realm is as much with the music of haterepresenta-
tive of both universal Oneness and Newtonian individuality as the pied [it's
a nice word] purveyors of the happy-sad song. Such fear on the happy-sadspec-
trum. Hatred is its own fire, though usually though to be subservient to the
Spirit of Nations, the fire is in fact the torch we all wish to bear, though
the fire burns the idiot who puts his hand in it. There are no femaleidiots.
I can no longer bear the misplaced goo goo- dness of the [rodney can't weall
get along] Kings of the Earth making counsel together against their ownpeople.
If their is a spirit of peace, let it be in accepting the murderers asequally
integral manifestations of energy, even if, even if random. This long paradeof
nations, large and small, this FNORD-L, each nation bearing its banner, each
nation wearing silly outfits -- I am declaring that this parade/charade is
over. Accept flowers for your meat if you wish, but know that the games are
not yet begun. We have just seen the parade. The unsubbing or deportationwas
an act of Providence, as all surprising events are, and that Act hasprovided
the beat between the parade and the games.
What nation is not corrupt, and what people are not pure?
I I will be wearing a hair NET for this I/O DEVICE. Nobody can throw the
DISK like US.
Brent "turd dee furss" <Pollux>
=========================================================================
Date: Sat, 30 Oct 1993 14:24:16 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: zeek <zeek>
Subject: Ah harmony, that pollux is an ok person.
In-Reply-To: <9310301447.AA19409@ > from "00bcpalmer " at Oct 30, 9309:48:41 am
Pollux,
Any abrasive text that appears on your screen anent the top From: zeeky
is only in spirit of the list.
I love you Brian, I love you all.
- -z
<I'll shut the up fuck now>
Previous Index Next