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Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1993 14:48:38 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@CECILS.DIARY
Subject: ON THIS DAY THE 20th OF SEPTEMBER
Weariness overcomes me now and I can hardly hold the pen at such an angle thatthe ink may flow. I may familiarise myself with the practise of embellishingmy calligraphy with curlicues so as to sooner fill this damned diary, which,like so many of these fripperies which surround me, was a gift. I would haveinstructed Bingo to winch the pestilent thing to the depths of the well in thecourtyard were it not that I staunchly believe that the affairs of theassignment are paramount and must be noted with care. Progress was remarkablethis past weekend, and Carruthers, whom we feared we had lost, at last madecontact from Yalta. I will record the details and tallies when I am rested.
Bingo has vanished, and, upon inspecting his living quarters, I discovered thata wooden stick and a large spotted handkerchief were missing; the foolish boymust have made a bundle of the crystal and calling-cards from the hall andleft. His sense of direction is such that it takes him quite five days tojourney the half-mile to the railway depot, and the police officers chided memost mercilessly on the occasion of his last escapade, for it was chilly andwet as they waited there and the sergeant missed the birth of his third child,who is a half-wit and has a squint. I am in no mood to face again their sullenrecriminations.
Still no word from Anderson.
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Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1993 16:49:08 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: BINGO@BINGOS.NAPTIME
Subject: THESE EYELIDS ARE NOT MY OWN
Dear Dr. Foss,
I finished my chores earlier than usual today, and so retired to my quartersfor an afternoon nap. No sooner had I crawled under the bed than my masterburst in and began rummaging through my few possessions! Will theseindignities never cease?
still,
your Bingo
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Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1993 17:35:19 EDT
Reply-To: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "EJ Fnord, Helpful List Participant" <EJFORD>
Subject: ON THIS DAY THE 20th OF SEPTEMBER
In-Reply-To: note of 09/20/93 14:56
Dear Cecil,
Earlier today, I received some mailfrom a youngster named "Anderson" who askedme to forward the following message. I hope you can make some sense of it,because frankly, it has me concerned about the fate of the Western World.___________
TO: Cecil's@beany.bitnet
FROM: Operative Anderson
Sir, this agent would like to report that my assignment nears completion as perthe second schedule. I ate pancakes this morning. I met with the BelgianPrime minister, here in Bangladesh. As you predicted, he waffled. I met hissyrupy equivocations with a laurel and hearty handshake and asked him ifOperative Kuryaken had reported anything of note. He attempted to butter meup, but I declined. I am on the case and only used this means of communicatingthis information because the "spiders" are monitoring your e-mail accounts.
Do not be concerned. Further messages follow... ____________
At this point, the poor fella promptly left with no explanations.
Hmmm.
EJ "Desk Monkey" Fnord
(Motto: Whatsamatter with you fuckin kids, don't you wanna buy none of thesegreat, pre-owned schticks?)
===================================================================
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1993 19:35:56 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: The Clown of Tuolene
I have been pouring over the "reruns" and thought my commentary of this
matter was essential to the future of humanity, including the gals. Is
not the fall season good enough for the intrepid FNORDers? Or is this
rerun phenomenon a demonstration of how all time is really happening in
the eternal Now? With these thoughts in mind, it seems appropriate to
forward to the list this posting from the *future*! Yes, that's right,
I've been there, and I *do* eventually get disability, but just by being
honest with the Federal psychiatrist. I had *no*idea that saying one's
medication gives one a "direct line to God" was/will be considered *crazy*!
After all, we see so much of this attitude in these gay times. But I ramble,
here, in accordance with the restrictive laws of the Quantal Time Defense
League (QTDL) is an edited posting which will appear on the F-NORD list in
the year 2017, August 25th:
---------------------------
To: IN%"FNORDE-L@UBVM.BITNET"
Subj: Friday Pep Chat
Someone once said there are three kinds of people in the world: those whomake
something happen, those who watch others make something happen, and thosewho
don't know what's happening since the psionic invasion of [date deleted by
QTDL, 3:232:17b]
... but we believe that our FNORDE-L Amway distributors are among those inthe
first group! -- people who make things happen. Not content to sit on theside-
optics, FNORDE-L Amway distributors have proven themselves eagar to setgoals,
willing to work harder than a Martian [QTDL, 77:443:11e, substitute theReagan
Era word: "creature"] creature for what they want, and able to achieve thebest
this netenterprise has to offer!
Please refer to the new September supplement to the Amway Sales andMarketing
Plan for the announcement about FNORDE-LADY perfume, another fine productthat
will help [deletion 3:1012c, QTDL 2:19f] ... personal freedom, and a more
fulfilling future. We wish you the best, and we're sure you are among those
who make things happen!
Barney the Uberdinosaur, Virtual CEO
EJ "lipstick king" Fnord, puppet-of-the-same
The Clown of Tuolene
Barney@Amway.WhiteHouse.Gov
EJFNORD+E@sellout.highestbidder.com
00bcpalmer "the claw
========================================================================
Date: Mon, 20 Sep 1993 15:38:00 -05
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Rich Raby is here!
HEY, LET'S NOT FORGET THIS NIMROD WHILE WE'RE DOING THE RE-RUN THING!
FROM THE DOG-EARED LERI-L SCRAPBOOK:
>
>Date: Sun, 19 Jul 92 23:04:53 CDT
>From: "Richard E. Raby" <rraby2@>
>Subject: Rich Raby is here.
>To: leri-l@iscsvax.uni.edu (House of The Gods)
>
Before I start reading, I'd like to say a few things...
I've been high for two or three days already. I had no real need for acid
thus far during the weekend; an eighth sufficed me. I've been discovering
past lives. I just spent the late afternoon at my friend Rick's house. He
showed me a collection of photocopies of actual photographs of the city of
Duluth and its neighbors throughout its entire recorded photographichistory.
Duluth is an OLD mother-fuckin' town! Pieces from my past began falling into
place, and I began to remember what my life is all about. I saw actual
photographs of trains who's models I built as a teenager and photographs of
trains, depots, and railroad yards who's models I owned or ran. Visions Ihad
of railroad yards as a child, that I never knew or had actually been to, but
remembered nevertheless, were right here in Duluth at some point in history.
Friday night, Kirby's roommate Paul asked me if I remembered the prison camp
we were in during the war. I needn't really say much more than "yes". It was
him alright. The event had been plaguing my dreams for years. I thought it
was kinda' funny that I'd first met Paul when I was tripping hard on Morning
Glory. He, Kirby, and I simply lit-up a bowl that morning as if we'd done it
a thousand times before. I'd never met Paul before that morning. My car was
out of gas then.
I believe that when I was a child living in Cleveland, I found the actual
shell of my body in a fossil when I was a mollusk at my point in evolution.
It was like finding my own corpse from a past life in the bottom of aquarry.
Today I finally resolved the entire puzzle of perfect LSA extraction from
Morning Glory. And not only did I find all the pieces to the puzzle, I found
a few pieces from puzzles that lost a few, from many puzzles ago, so to
speak. I've discovered new ways to control the environment of chemical
reactions, thus allowing for the capability to control just what types of
quantum information enters a new chemical bond, in effect building molecules
with specific characteristics. I'm working on the low end of experimentation
and observation. I'm learning. Soon I'll be able to produce sets ofmolecules
with fairly precise knowledge of their composition and what information they
contain, only to be decoded by other human brains for the minds of the
beholders. Someday.
There is most certainly a Universal Energy Field that goes far beyond our
capabilities of measuring or observing it. In fact, the only way to observe
certain characteristics of this energy field (i.e., certain "colors",
"sounds", or other wavelengths of electromagnetic radiation, mechanical
waves, or just other abstract patterns) is to physically alter the chemistry
of your body and brain to better suit communication with entities on these
levels. This always includes both alterations to your behavior (social,
physical, and psychological) and your body chemistry. There is no way totell
which alteration is a consequence of another. Social behavior and placement
always affect your bodily chemical intake, and your body chemistry and
neurology always affect your behavior on all levels. We are all cellular
organisms that are both made of smaller organs and function as organs within
a larger organism. We are all part of the same living being.
People are always incarnations of other people, themselves in their own
pasts, and their environments throughout their lives. We've all lived many
times before, been different people we've heard about, and been fueled byour
surroundings. Normal communication, all the way up to sexual reproduction
(the ultimate form of community), is the rejoining of communities of DNA to
form different, more complex variations of itself. DNA is an organism unto
itself. You may be either a host or a parasite of it; there is little
distinction on this level.
Thank you to all the people who contributed to my current state of being and
allowing me to make these new and wonderful observations. You will all be
rewarded in the end.
M & M (Rich Raby) rraby2
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1993 10:12:30 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: EJ Not Wasting My -A- Material Fnord <EJFORD>
Subject: Toluene Clown
To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L<FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
I've convinced my boss that email is not a waste of time, but a
method for making me a more relaxed, focused employee. All I had
to do was tell her how I really felt, and of course, apply the fry
pan to the back of the head.
Who is this Cheating person everyone keeps talking about? And
whatever happened to General Mills and the MOD? Should they
be relegated to the "Where Are They Now?" file?
EJ "It's not me, it's the Clamato talking" Fnord
Paying closer attention in the future since about 10 minutes from now
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1993 12:38:43 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: HUNIATZ@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU
Subject: SUCH A LUCKY GIRL
To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L<FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
>Who is this Cheating person everyone keeps talking about?
HOLD. I'll answer that. Now, let me see. Son, drop me a line
at "huniatz@ccvm.sunysb.edu" and I'll send you his address,
telephone number, photo, curriculum vitae, collected works, and
drawings, from various angles, of a candy sculpture of him
currently being sanded down and polished by another subscriber.
IN A BAD MOOD,
H.
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 21 Sep 1993 10:00:54 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@CECILS.DIARY
Subject: ON THIS THE LAST DAY OF SUMMER
I came upon Bingo creeping upstairs at three in the morning, and listened tohis faltering tale, evidently a monstrous fabrication, of how he had beenasleep in his room all this while. I am resolved to treat him gently and shallforbear to punish him until such a time as the ill caused to myself by hismischief should outweigh his plagueing of the local constabulary, a gaggle ofcretinous clods. Blessed happenstance has it that the fifth child of SergeantRiley was born in the small hours of last night as its father kept watch in thesleet on the railway platform; I am told that it is fierce of mien and has butone ear. Riley came thundering at the door at noon, but I had not yet imbibedmy habitual morn's decanter and would receive no callers. Several of theprofanities which I overheard from the casement were unfamiliar to me; I havecommitted them to memory.
Rollins is again about his dissemination of dated material; he evidently failsto understand that my cellar contains the screeds that greatly gladden me,while it is my expectation that those others which I choose to consign foreverto the bleak firmament should appear no more. I may have a quiet word with himon the matter.
My vision falters and the page disports itself grotesquely both near and farbefore my gaze till I must presently clutch my head in bewilderment. Stillunaccountably weary and perceiving two where there is but one, I deteriorate.If Anderson is truly gone, what is to become of me?
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Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1993 08:39:31 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: BINGO@CECILS.LATE.SHOW
Subject: I'VE PUT MY SHOES ON BACKWARDS AGAIN
Dear Dr. Foss,
I was all evening working up the courage, but I finally managed to confront mymaster about his trespass into my room, explaining that I had been nappingunder the bed and had perforce witnessed his crime. And he acted as though Iwere lying! So outraged that I could not sleep, I desired to work on mysculpture to pass the night, but find that the hair on my palms is falling out(due to anxiety, no doubt), causing me to shed all over my glorious work. Mustevery pleasure be denied me?
waiting for the morn,
your Bingo
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Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1993 10:00:15 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@CECILS.DIARY
Subject: ON THIS DAY THE 22nd OF SEPTEMBER
The pleasant gentleman from the Jehovah's Witnesses came by and I solicited hisviews on the matter of whether or not I am now too advanced in years to dieyoung; we discussed the question heatedly yet courteously over Indian tea andplain biscuits for an hour or so. Encased in the drone of his words, Iobserved his features and fancied for a moment that he had a look of GR4302about him. No consensus was reached and upon his departure I saw that a silversalver and two bejewelled goblets were missing from the sideboard. When Itelephoned Riley to report the theft, he spluttered ferociously and replacedthe receiver; I fear he may still be somewhat miffed.
Last night I dreamed again of the time, so distant now, when Cuthbert C.Cuthbert placed me on the steps of the county orphanage with a scrawled noteattached stating that I would manifest an acuity of perception to make himproud were I in later years to feel unloved and unwanted. I awoke screamingand immobile with terror. The note is still in my bible; it is the only item Icared to save when the institution was destroyed in a vast conflagration and Iwas, at the age of seven, turned loose to a scavenging solitude.
I am deeply unhappy and desirous of peace; would that the ocean were not sofearfullycold.
===================================================================
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1993 10:00:29 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: HUNIATZ@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU
Subject: Re: For H. Uniatz (Private)
To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L<FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Dear Scott Lesser,
With regard to the dysfunctional address, I employ it only as a mark of
respect to Daniel A. Foss, the only subscriber in living history whose
incoming mail through the sbccvm node has been deliverable.
Cheating (@, naturally, ccvm.sunysb.edu) was for two years an active
subscriber to this list and its precursor, sbrhym-l, during which spell
I accepted his proposal of marriage. The subsequent shenanigans are too
tedious to detail; suffice it to say that he is the expanse of my world
and I shall deal most severely with anyone who maligns him. I've
forwarded EJ the dossier, but I'm sure he'll pass it on to you when he's
finished with it. Take good care of it, won't you; I remember how Dan Boyd
had Jeffrey's PSY-101 textbook when he suffered his mysterious mutilation,
and the consequent blood on the pages looked a little tacky.
In response to your query, a HUNIATZ is a former Lebanese hostage, a winner
of last year's Nobel Prize for Aposiopesis, a cricket blue, a reformed
strangler, and a painstaking representative of Slugsalters Anonymous; her
custom is to speak so very highly of herself in private to Arthur that
suggestibility ensures his favourable opinion.
Hey, Arthur, I saved a drowning fish on my way to work this morning.
yrs in grave assistance,
H.
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 22 Sep 1993 13:56:51 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bobo_the_Bald@HOAGIES.WIENER.HUT.ORG
Organization: Union of International Freebooters and Rapscallions
Subject: Re: arthur
To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L<FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
22 Sep 1993 13:10:35 -0400 from <hermes>
On Wed, 22 Sep 1993 13:10:35 -0400 dave haber said:
>arthur? who's arthur?
> i had allready written once today, so i felt thatnessasary.
Arthur is Dana's cat. Although raised by wolves, he is entirely at home
in an urban environment; in fact he prefers it. This being the case, he
got the urge to roam and left MLD's palatial Alabama estate at the age of
four, just a few months after the Confederate surrender at Vicksburg, to
take up arms against any Yankee rodents wandering the streets of Zurich.
While cowering in that most cosmopolitan of cities, he was introduced to
a young man called Vladimir Illich Ulyanov, better known by his later
nom de guerre: Cowboy Bob Hobart. Together, the wandering feline and
the budding TV program executive set out to rule the world, a goal which
they narrowly missed obtaining when they were jailed for stealing a pound
of pommes du terre and much of the French bread supply during the War of
the Austrian Succession; fortunately, deep in the snow-covered, forbidding
mountain peaks of Ireland, an aspiring demon-goddess then known as Strangler
heard of their plight and arranged bail. Twenty years later, while trolling
for jailbait on the Rue de Cygne, Arthur was captured and imprisoned in a
Yoo-Hoo bottle, where he remains to this day, running the higher functions
of a large University with the third finger of his left hand; which is the
only one which fits through the mouth of the bottle, the others being
grotesquely swollen as the result of a the Battle of Cheating Hill, where
he lured the pathetically craven Dan Boyd to his annihilation without ever
leaving the bottle. Arthur is available for "wet work" as he laughingly
calls it, on alternate Thursdays when it's nice and sunny; he can be reached
through this office. I'd advise against it, though, as his target selection
tends to be a bit indiscriminate.
Bobo
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1993 14:47:28 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <LIBALP>
Subject: EVERY TIME YOU SAY MY NAME I GET A DOLLAR
To: Multiple recipients of list FNORD-L<FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
In-Reply-To: Message of Thu,
23 Sep 1993 14:42:27 -0400 from <hermes>
On Thu, 23 Sep 1993 14:42:27 -0400 dave haber said:
>hey everyone!
>i figured the CRs out!
>--ai hermes pendragon
>thanx to whoever suggested the backslash.
We're all very happy, mr.haber. Will you next be venturing out to explore
other areas of your keyboard, including, we hope, the shift key? Perhaps
you could also learn to "tell listserv set fnord-l repro" so that when
someone fakes a post from you, you'll receive it. Your lack of comment
was very distressing to us (and by "us" I mean "them"), and sometimes,
just sometimes, it's okay to have your head up your ass. Really.
If we don't get you (and by "we" I mean Mr. Cynovy and I), H. Uniatz
will, and you'd rather we (see above) did, because if H. Uniatz gets you,
you'll have to use your dictionary to appreciate how fully you've been
got- er, rather- had.
We Know What's Best For You,
ap
====================================================================
Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1993 09:17:02 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@CECILS.DIARY
Subject: ON THIS DAY THE 23rd OF SEPTEMBER
Natasha Fatale and Edwin Joseph Ford came to tea; they are kindly persons andwe held absorbed discourse on matters of faith and houseplant propagation whileBingo wound the gramophone and passed around the vol-au-vents. Riley wasannounced as the sherry was being poured, and, suspecting that my guests mightbe diverted by his frenzied gesticulations, I had him admitted. As he stoodrapt in remonstrance upon the rug, I glanced at Bingo, who was still engaged inclambering after the cupcakes which he had earlier upset, and wondered if hemight not be Riley's son. The resemblances are patent, and although Bingo,unlike Riley, is not quite a hunchback, such malformations may not of necessitybe hereditary. Captivated at the thought, I vowed to obtain the parishregister and pursue the matter.
My eyesight continues to bedevil me and at times now I fear that I am seeingtwo where in truth there are none. Parker has seemingly upped and joinedAnderson's peace mission to Cairo; he has not dropped by as is his wont andOscar reports that the drapings at his window flutter no more than can beaccounted for by the strength of the gale. I shall grow dark orchids and readAllan Adler's postcards from Paris as loneliness sets in.
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Date: Thu, 23 Sep 1993 10:35:02 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "E.J. Ford" <EJFORD@RESEARCH01.ADM.USF.EDU>
Subject: Re: ON THIS DAY THE 23rd OF SEPTEMBER
Cecil,
Thank you for the tea. It was lovely, aspecially the shark-jerky. Lovely alsowas the wonderful Natasha. Such a lively conversationalist for one sostrangely afflicted with muteness.
Please tell bingo that the stains will come out. He should still be beatensavagely.
By the way, the EJ stands not for Edwin Joseph, but for justice.
===================================================================
Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1993 15:43:31 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <LIBALP>
Subject: WHAT TO DO WITH LESSER'S DISEMBODIED HEAD
Lesser's coming to say hi, and we're weighing options about what
to do with his head after we cut it off.
-Hollow it out and use it for stash box
-Send eyes to Foss
-Send whole head to Foss, let him attach it to his shoulder
-Send it to Dana in box marked "Cantaloupe"
-Send one ear to each listowner, let them figure it out
-Shellac tongue, use as refrigerator magnet
-Scalp to Cheating, jawbone to Uniatz
-Make necklace from teeth, send to Melanie
-Find old car up on blocks in yard, impale it on hood ornament
-Great practical joke when you have guests: Keep it in toilet, with lid down
together again,
Bill and Arthur
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1993 10:00:30 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: CECIL@CECILS.DAIRY.AND.HAYLOFT
Subject: STILL LIFE WITH CHICKENS
Dear Mr. Rollins,
With regard to the little competition which you organised yesterday, I ampleased to submit my entry: the observation of the term "boudin" suggests theFrench "bouche" (mouth) or "bouder" (to pout) as possible etyma, which wouldsubstantiate your conjectures as to its constituent components.
As to your additional requirement to complete the set slogan in ten words orless, the result of my prolonged period of deliberation was this, which I deemlaudable: "I would like to win a world cruise because my respectedacquaintance, Edwin Joseph Ford, is seriously ill in an Antipodean infirmaryand I should dearly like to drop in to pay my respects and reclaim the sum offive shillings which I advanced him to pay his gambling debts in May 1987,together with the interest accrued in the interim." All my own work, I assureyou, Mr. Rollins.
I enclose a certificate of timely postage lest my entry should be held up inthe current upheaval over the admission of women to the Union of MailDeliverers' Draughts Society.
Anticipating the delivery of the Moth biplane which you offer as firstprize,
Cecil G. McCecil
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 24 Sep 1993 16:32:26 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: <LIBWCA>
Subject: Imminent Conflagration
I'm going to rain blazing, hideous death down upon you people.
Not yet, though. First, I have to acquire a Golem by some means
or other. As the more cultured members of this pathetic collection
of whimpering fools may recall from the days before you gave up
reading in favor of Nick at Night, a Golem is a big ol' Jewish
Monster, created through various arcane rituals involving the
Tetragrammaton, blood of Christian babies, etc. Now, here's the
favor I need from all of you: if each member of this list would
donate just one femoral artery, and perhaps a bit of vascular
matter, I could just about make a Golem big enough to come around
and kill each and every one of you, one by one. Maybe even in time
for New Years Eve, so you wouldn't have to worry about getting a
date.
If all of you are willing to cough up this really quite paltry bit
of viscera, I can send Don ( whom I plan to make my personal slave
in an actually quite blood-curdling midnight ceremony tonight) around
to collect via astral projection, probably within a week or so. At
the time of donation, please indicate the method you wish the Golem
to use in your gruesome slaughter, but please: no fancy technological
suicide machines. We want this to be an impressive blood-bath, and
remember; this is quite probably the only thing you'll be remembered
for in a week or two. Be creative.
Cuthbert
Feeling Vengeful and Puissant since they let me out of the cave
=======================================================
Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1993 05:12:11 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
Comments: Lemme tell you a thing or two about Rosa
From: CYNOVY@EMUVM1.BITNET
Organization: Skin on a Steaming Wand
Subject: Proposal and Subinitiative 56-LT3551, Article D, Sub Rosa
In my effortless effulgency, I thought in the interests of coruscating
amid her encrusted wash of sedulous clocked-off mannerisms of nimming
one of them Adler psych twaddlings to let her know first hand, but, on
a quick listserv seraphim search, I find pauvre cheating badminted like
a bouncing cheque (sp, pls). So, as regards her lie-dream (*) of
stirrupping beyond peradventure the fixities of a fine civil alliance,
I'd to let you know: engagement's off, honey, 'cause I've been arrested,
and I know you wouldn't want to be a prison wife. Yr best interests, in
this here regard.
But, sideshowing (and showering) the liaison especial spectral allay, the
Subject Matter goes furled, and now to wit: proposal: _K_ill _T_his _L_ist.
Remove from the panting poltrooning declasse wrestle the unspun straw of
cpu downtime and allow New Ways of Thinking, and their kithy truancy, to
Eccliasterisk their footnote on the ($15.95 ppb, 1993 ed.) Guide to
Internet Mailing Lists and short-work this shot-worn salon parlor-game.
Nettle, a fine name, playbacks whenever I shirk to fathom the hideous
fleer of the 2am mug shot. Hey -- just a throttle -- Arthur: am I once
more in-clan, sheer?
Gear.
daf
=============================================================
Date: Sun, 26 Sep 1993 18:55:24 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: new fall comedy sensation
The foss limped through Dr A; with decidedly more alacrity the visit to
the drugstore thereafter. The foss had had no valium for two and a halfweeks;
and wherein he'd consumed the full daily dose of the Orange Pills with 4No-Doz
chasing each 20mg dose, there was certaintly of no-sleep-tonight. Not thateven
the No-Doz was a constant to be taken for granted: Since 1990, when the CIA
bought the Nicaraguan elections, there's been no point to further use of El
Salvadorean, the second-worst-in-the-universe coffeebean. The Salvadoranbean
is peasant-proof; untouched by human hands; and in the case of each beanevery
one is approved as to what it is and where it is with the active support or
acquiescence of the Fourteen Families who own El Salvador. No machinesdisfig-
ure, spritually defile, the coffee bean of Nicaragua, by complete contrast.
Jeffrey Race, The Agrarian Revolution, hung out with Cent Am coffeeplanters;
and found things different as hell all over. Salvadorans would kill everyone
in El Salvador before surrendering one single coffee bush. The Nicaraguans?A
horse of whole nother kettle of fish. Who cares, why bother, they say,sipping
inevitable mint julep from balcony giving splended view ofcoffibean-choppery
in progress. The machinery, the hi-techery, is a pious hope. Them are gonna
grab it; why spend money on what aint gonna be a round. And Colombia? Myname
is Juan Valdez and in my Cooontreeee Colombia I am in big trouble, very big
trouble, I am gonna be killed. *I* know what business el exixente is in. *El
exixente* knows what business el exixente is in. YOU KNOW AND THE DEA KNOWS
WHAT BUSINESS EL EXIXENTE IS IN, I beg and plead, let's go back to grass,it's
legal, almost. Do something for me, you have been my lifelong feudal lord, I
am too old to risk this decrepit body. I do it. I shut mouth of Juan Valdez,
I want no trouble, I...<BLAM BLAM BLAMA BLAM SUQOMSH>."
For me means no sleep for three days. Psychotic state. Not only do I know
I am Staring At Women, I am certain to a faretheewell that they are Staring
At Me. Blond simpleton in drugstore is spelled by stringy brownhairedmophead
who looks at me the way I mustabin looking at her. She puts her hand on mine
to check on what's up, the degree of Dangerousness. I close my eyes and, asin
the days of the old Divine Light Mission, "Get On The Word." I fail toExperi-
ence This Poison Peace Within,
Blonde smalltalks with mophead, vice versa.
"Hey, whatsa sale onnem Murlboros?"
"Naw sale; costs even more."
"Swaddaye thought."
This drugstore, as all my regular readers know, is in Smithtown, namedfor
the General Smith - whether the General part had been conferred upon him for
nominal service in one of the few wars of the time or more likely if notmutu-
ally exclusively loyalty to either Hamilton & Federalists or Jefferson& Re-
publicans (now known as Democrats, all goes to show, reader fills in just
what) - whose sole exploit in the manly military act of war was the forcible
appropriation not unabetted by Yanqui trickery of the Land---Land---Land, in
those days the apple par excellence of greed, covetousness, illegal searchand
inexorably *seizure*, whereupon Smithtown now stands, rather slurbs, fromthe
indigines whose fault, in Falling For It, was, and as children are yettaught,
was entirely, exclusively, their own. Further whence, the locals imbibetheir
solitary and unique proposition of maternal wisdom, "SeewotImean! Whateveryou
got, you got only yerself ta blame." So was the West, the Western parts of
Suffix County great with malls above all SmithHaven Mall, cruciform basilica
of the state religion where is daily committed incense to the deitiesAverage
Propensity to Consume and Marginal Propensity to Consume, *won*. The precise
tale of the trickery, fraud, and deceit, foss has been told, yea verily isit
not carved into the walls of the stately Town Hall of Smithtown; albeitself-
evident a buchacrap as was ever passed off as authentic folklegend. Thosewho
might have told the other side were all killed by deployment of the
yet-unheard-of "genocide," precursor whereof in those times was "Onlygood...
<etc>." Eyewitnessing this packoflies, foss may have told you, was deniedhim;
what's a...a...THAT doing in a decent respectable community of our kind of
familistic relatedness?
The phone number of Consolidated Ground Transport Incorporated,leanandmean-
ified in automated 486-machine dispatching designed by computer people never
before set foot or pseudopod on Long Island; now takes a solid hour to cross
the street at double the fare; why did the taxi cross the street...to pickup
the maximum fare for the minimum zone, is unchanged for the Smithtownoffice,
265-2727. Smithtown, it's still called Lindy's Taxi. Be not fooled. Thewhole
of Suffix County has been M&A'd into the most monstrous octopussyconglomerated
Monopoly since the Southern Pacific in Upton Sinclair's time. Useta be,never
dare cross Tootsie Taxi in Stony Brook; only cab company in town. Againkeeping
the traditional 751-1300, Tootsie, if briefly, became Lindy's. As did theOnly
Cab Company In Town in St James; Smithtown you know about, so: as did the
Only Cab Company In Town in Kings Park, home of the North Shore's Vastest
Looney Bin; as did mystic Northport, Great With Tourism: Jack Kerouac Drank
Here. Here Was Found Jack Kerouac Dead Drunk, Wherof He Died, In FinalStupor,
Never Regaining Consciousness, Besides, Whereof & Whatof Could He HaveBeen
Conscious. North Shore sewed up, practically, time to Strike Like Lightning,
restrain that trade, ye Sherman and ye Clayton, too, died in vain, into the
plush and - till now - wild frontier of unregulated free enterprise on theMain
Line, newly electrified after the Modren fashion thanks to Gov Quomo, first
Chinese Governor, shutting off the juice to Sing Sing. <WHOMP>, therewent the
Fabulous Riches of the Lake Ronko region (as in the pome, you know, "Stoodthe
wigwam of Ronkonkoma/Chicken of the sea, Ronkonkoma"), including fabled Long
Island MacArthur Airport; one gulp is all. <SLURGL>, in suchwiseimitative,
goosestepped sequence followed Central Islip, among Looney Binsaffectionately
called by Kings Parkers "The Other Place."
[Now it comes back to me, how I used
to torment the Durkheimian Fundamentalist grad student at SyracuseUniversity,
you ever hear of the place?
->SUOS CULTORES SCIENTIA CORONAT, Syracuse University motto.
->Their translation: "Knowledge adorns the seeker."
->Preferable translation: "Knowledge makes kings of those who worship it
-> with blind faith."
[whose name was Stijpo Mestrovic. Back then, who knew? *Nobody* connected
Durkheimian Fundamentalism with either Catholic Clerical Reaction orCroatian
Fascism.
["Looney bin."
["It's not a looney bin, it's a [the Hutchings] psychiatric facility."
["Just exactly what I said, looney bin."
["*** Psychiatric Facility ***! And I shall desist from this inanedispute
this second!"
["Sore loser. There you are, having exposed the essential, mostfundamentally
underlying normative idealism representing the suppurating substrate beneath
Patimkin-Cadillac/Potemkin Village Lady-Birdific National Beautifications.You
tell me the spozetabe; I tell you the *is*."
[You can't *argue* with these Durkheimians. All they understand is Foss.]
From Smithtown to Stony Brook, toponym similar to nearly all others in
Suffix in that it betrays quondam presence of the Developer, Minion of God
on Earth, who transformeth Green Pastures unto Shrines where I shall fear no
evil; for if money I have not, then yea verily though extendest consumercredit
unto me as the Gentile reign from Hebbin, and I shall safely graze from mallto
shining mall: There is in Stony Brook no brook; neither is there a Stonewhere-
of they saith, "Had God unto us given a brook, this stone should have beenthe
stone whereof the Stony deriveth as in Stony Brook, amen." Geographically,it
is nine miles' journey; pecuniarily, $12 plus tip whereof I give till ithurts
which is $5; this being Thanks offering unto the Lord for safe delivery ofthe
Dexedrine to the Computer whereat it will do the mostest good. And as it has
been Wednesday, and as a cripple I cannot walk, that visit to the SuperX,137
E. Main, Smithtown, abutting a PizzaHut, has given me a SECOND MEAL on this
day. What, now, to create.
Shall I then Fnord? Shall I, truly? Not yet, wait I must, to ensure mybeing
well-and-good RID of the wacky Melanie, who had she been a barfly at theworld
famous Park Bench, into which foss has never trod, nor treaden neither, but
would readily watch a woman drink herself drunk, drinkingly, this would be
different, and very differently, too. Librarians, secretaries, they allcome,
in hopes of coming, which never comes out quite as anticipated. But no,these
are artistic matters on the agenda, with the fate of humanity involved by
implication (the best can be done for an essentially tedious matter of that
sort).
Decisive action has been taken, REALLY, this time, to preclude the recru-
descence in my consciousness, that is, wasting of my limited time upon this
Earth (though I have beheld other worlds vouchsafed unto me by snares and
delusions, one whereof had the audacity to include in a commercial thought-
broadcast in the nonwaking-state (mine): SEND NO MONEY. Not for nothing did
I learn all that was then Known on Delusions whilst whiling away the empty
hours on the High-Risk Study, of what? Of IMAGINARY WOMEN. An ImaginaryWoman
is a woman not present in Stony Brook; will never be present in Stony Brook;
will be accessible and retrievable exclusively by e-mail only. As MeirKahane
used to say:
NEVER AGAIN.
-------------
Ah, to think. Perchance to think it over. To think about it very hard so
long as the Fatal Mistake is unmade whereby the Dexedrine is taken without
the Whopping Mess of NoDoz. Which has paradoxical effects, perchance todream.
If the dream persists 13-17 further seconds, the motion sensors will have
detected my disappearance into thinair thereafter the alarm would have did
RESOUND, bringing Dir Phelan, First Deputy Vice Dir Ping (reporting toMinstry
of State Security, Beijing), and supporting cast as coulda been rousted
outta bed from the subordinate bureaucracy to scene of Miracle with
ALARUM BELLS tolling for...ME. Fie on my Access Code Number till nextBusiness
Day fairly going.
------------------
[Trans. note: The following passage was entered when in the Maharishi's
Third Level of Consciousness, that is, out cold. Decipherers from ANCIEN-L@
ULKYVM and ANE@mithra-orinst.uchicago.edu [History of the Ancient Near East]
remain on the job, deciphering day and night, but no decipherment reportedas
yet has stood up to its - inevitable - critics:
Dreadful. But. Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, theelect-
tronic filiation confounding, confuting, confusing, conjurating,compurgating,
collectively standing forsquare for the anarchic.
All this was Leri-influenced, and how could it be otherwiise?Retrospective-
ly foss had undergone attenuation in the expectation that in quest he would
<eureka>fy and thereby spot the Change Agent even before it could spotistself.
For if a Change Agent there was, they wouldn't know themselves until thevery
end of the window of opportunity that they, of all people, were going to do
it. Think of all the possible Thingies not governable by the Change Agent:Such
as nitpicking morning glory seeks.
There remained merely the To-Be-Killed and theCarers-For-the-To-Be-Killed.
A day full of exercise, blindfolded running, enticement of a blindingly fast
snap of the wrists, splitsecond snap that smoothly joining ankles and wrists
in perfect circle, then the calm, peaceful, perfect circle. And finally, the
exquisite, utterly flawless rape. Easily said; but the requisite preparation
entiled months, perhaps years, of unspoken negotion by both sides; how much
to yield, how much to resist, how much to bear down with sudden shock. The
blinding brutal assault causing no pain which gives way to exertions by the
person raped to attain perfect peace in being raped. *Awakening*. Where in
Holy Leviticus am I commanded to be CEO in the precision planning,programming,
and flawless performance without the dectable, by her, trace of pretesting?
ON STRIKE ON STRIKE ON STRIKE ON STRIKE ON STRIKE....
Yom Kippur, night after. Have missed the fasting, who can eat so seldom,
take fasting seriously, iz krep, as the old folks say. And the breastbeating,
forbidden to women, lest they fondle something, being hidden behind acurtain,
and get off. Over at the Red Balloon House, 919 25a E. Setauket. What arethe
Left, in collectivity assembled, doing with selves? Watching Sat Knight Lye.
Sadly etiolated krep by standards of old days. Here is blone haired naked
rock group, boychiks all, screaming, I WANNA BE RAPED, I WANNA BE RAPED, I
WANNA BE RAPED....Not a perverted thing about that on accounta they are each
and all filthy rich stars.
Important lesson, that.
Daniel A. Foss
<coming, the post originally scheduled for this time, tv season
preemeer of debut of new comedy series with review: Is Boris Yeltsin
The New Jackie Gleason?>
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