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=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994 12:08:18 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: THE KIDD <KIDD>
Subject: Re: toast him
>Brent, I too grow weary of the KIDD, but he *is* lively and curious tolook
>at, much like the monkeys in the zoo, very close to being human. Let's
>get him going - throw him a few peanuts. I'm sure he has plenty moretricks.
>He's young and clever, give him a break, after all he's just a "KIDD."
>I want to see him chase his tail.
>The only thing is, if he were standing here talking to me, and he reallywas
>just the young upstart kidd he surely must be, if he called me"sweetheart"
>or "darling" in that fake co of milk in it. Feminist! Right! Loves
>his maleness! Right!
>Quasi intellectual pseudo adult KIDD NO MORE
>yeah that's right
Brent: "There's no killing what can't be killed. There's no stopping
what can't be stopped" (I wasn't going to reply to your cry for
inspiration, on how to handle me, but seeing as this chick brougt you
into this, an exception had to be made. Boy, you are a heck of a team
player though, by calling on the Fnord possy as a whole to deal with
your discomfort! Well done Brent!)
As for who wrote the letter to which I'm responding: Was it something
I said, girl?
--
*THE KIDD*
"KNOWLEDGE IS POWER"
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994 13:05:42 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: Re: some of us who are misunderstood, understand each other
a reader writes:
>Varily, but isn't one the concepts behind an *interest* group, the
>discussion of what we know, or think we know, or want to know more
>about? We've all got treasure, let's divvy up the plunder.
First of all, it's "verily," if that's not a typo.
Second, what the hell is this supposed to mean???
Third, Knowing is active, not static and can therefore not be "discussed"
with any objectivity [Pardon me for stating he obvious] but all knowledge
is bathwater, and we've already taken the shower.
Fourth, I don't want any of your creepy, fucking treasure. I've got the
whole world in my hands as-it-is, including this drecky list, and I wash
my hands of it ... again!!!
Brent <Pollux>
Apocolyptic Visionary
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994 13:19:57 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: Clever Typos
>Brent <Pollux>
>Apocolyptic Visionary
This is a typo, the word being actually "apocalyptic," but as many will
understand, my mis-spelling is a reference to James Thurber's comic hero
Walter Mitty, "A-poc-o, A-poc-o; A-poc-o, Apoc-o"
Brent "This List Looks Dead to Me" <Pollux>
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994 18:42:27 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Christopher E. Blosser" <blosser_cy@>
Subject: ain't it dead yet?
just thought i'd introduce myself . . . i was a lurker on this list a
long time ago, and have been absent for a while (actually, i migrated
to leri-l -- needed a change of scenery and a *serious* discussion to
delve into!)
but recently there's been talk on leri, that FNORD-L is dying -- that
FNORD is in the last throes of death, that FNORD will soon be extinct
-- an musty old relic of a mailing list, gathering dust in some dark,
forgotten nook or cranny of the internet . . . . . well, say it isn't
so, but i needed to find out the truth for myself and immediately re-
subscribed . . . =)
flame away,
mugwump
'exterminate all rational thought, . . . that is the only solution.'
=========================================================================
Date: Mon, 24 Jan 1994 21:19:54 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: toppy <TIPPY>
Subject: Doom with a view
Welcome aboard TransPathetic Flight 000 to absolutely nowhere. I amyour
waitron in the sky, Toppy. Please observe the No-Thinking signs. Federal
law prohibits Thinking onboard flights in the continental Fnord-l. Think-
ing is also prohibited in the lavatory. In the event of emergency, youshould
be greatful for the momentary diversion before being released eternally
from the death-in-life that is this list. There, now. Comfy?
Thunderation! That gliberation gibberation from Norman VincentThekidd!
sure has warmed the cockleburrs of my heart. Part one-man-welcome-wagon,part
case-study-of-the-failure-of-modern-education, allroasted-to-perfection-and-
served-up-piping-hot. Yum. Why, he's one of them there gosh-darn Renaissance
Men. I looked in Long John's treasure chest and it was as bare as ol' Mother
Humbug's scabbard. Long since defanged and left to fend for itself as bestit
could, usually by foraging in neighborhood dumpsters, which in Fnord-lHeights
are usually filled to overflowing, yea, my cup runneth over, a debasedtreasure
to be sure, but nevertheless a treasure of sorts. Shorts. Spam.
Apalling gall, y'all? Here's heaps. Dig in, don't pay no nevermind to
the stench-warfare, it's business as usual on the front lines. Mmmmm...good.
Do acid! There, now I'm a genius too. Hope you had a nice flight and if you
ever need to go nowhere again, I hope you'll choose to fly Fnord-l.Insincere
smile.
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 07:34:51 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: Re: get smart
The battle between Kaos and Control on the sitcom _get smart_ was an echo
of the same battle in music composition between ultra-serialists like Milton
Babbit, and I Ching Freewheelers like John Cage.
We have never recovered from this polarization, in culture, the arts, or on
this list. All that is left is ashes.
Brent "Mitty" <Pollux>
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 10:20:00 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Libalp <ART@JOES.HIWAY.MEDIAN>
Subject: REQUEST FOR ASSIMILATION
Bill, I love Tippy so much it hurts when I pee. Please advise.
wanting to make ri part of me,
arthur
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 11:24:47 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Sweet Nancy <LIBALP>
Subject: Re: Turning up the alchymical heat
In-Reply-To: Message of Mon,
24 Jan 1994 14:50:31 -0500 from <KIDD>
> There is a bit of the divine in
>each of us. We are not the source of this infinate power, but we
>possess a monicum of it, in each of our souls. You don't have to go
>any further than yourself, knowledge of your self in the truest,
>purest sense, to find God, or the Divine
Kidd, yo. Yo, hey Kidd. Did you read that someplace?
sn
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 14:47:52 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bill Anderson <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: ain't it dead yet?
In-Reply-To: <9401251931.AA29355@ >
On Mon, 24 Jan 1994, Christopher E. Blosser wrote:
> but recently there's been talk on leri, that FNORD-L is dying -- that
> FNORD is in the last throes of death, that FNORD will soon be extinct
> -- an musty old relic of a mailing list, gathering dust in some dark,
> forgotten nook or cranny of the internet . . . . . well, say it isn't
> so, but i needed to find out the truth for myself and immediately re-
> subscribed . . . =)
>
It's so, as you'll see shortly, when others begin denying it.
Malibu Skipper
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 13:30:00 -06
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>>
Subject: Jah love brotherman and siste
>
--- Forwarded message follows ---
Path:
news.duc.auburn.edu!darwin.sura.net!howland.reston.ans.net!agate!headwall.Stanf ord.EDU!rutgers!concert!ecsgate!rtaylor
From: rtaylor@ecsvax.uncecs.edu (Regina L. Taylor)
Newsgroups: alt.gathering.rainbow
Subject: Jah love brotherman and sister wombyn
Message-ID: <1994Jan25.013208.5469@ecsvax.uncecs.edu>
Date: 25 Jan 94 01:32:08 GMT
Organization: UNC Educational Computing Service
Lines: 28
HELLO TO ALL MY BEAUTIFUL BROTHERS AND SISTERS .
"WE LOVE YOU" DANCES THRU THE TREES CARRIED SOFTLY APON THE WINDS
BACK,LINGERING AWAITING AREPLY. SO SIT BACKAND CLOSE YOUR EYES AND
REMEMBER TO DANCE WITH THE WIND.
I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO ALL OF THE FAMILY THAT CONNECTED WITH MY MOTHERS
HEARTSONG (WORRIED MOTHER) AND GAVE HER A LITTLE ENLIGHTENMENT,THANKS
EVER SO MUCH.I MADE THE MISTAKE OF GOING TO THE ARIZONA,NEW MEXICO
GATHERING.IT WAS LIKE A EPISODE OF MADMAX, BABYLONS WARRIORS OR
PETER PANS KIDS I GUESS HAVEN'T SHAKEN THEIR SURVIVAL TACTICS FROM
GROWING UP IN THE STREETS. ONE KITCHEN ARRIVED IN A RAINBOW BUS THAT
BROKE DOWN SO THEY LEFT IT THEIR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NATONAL FOREST.
THE FOREST SERVICE DIDN'T CARE FOR THAT, THEN AFTER ALL OF THE THIEVING
THE FOREST WAS TRASHED EVERYBODY LEFT AND ONLY TO KIND BROTHERS REMAINED
FOR CLEAN-UP!!!! I KEPT THINKING THEIR WEREE SO MANY KIDS INCUDING
MYSELF YEARNING TO SING AND DANCE TO OUR TRIBES BEATS AND TO FEED
AND LOVE JUST HUNGARY TO LEARN OF THE WAY.BUT WHERE ARE THE WISDOMKEEPERS
HAVE THEY GIVEN UP HOPE!!!! PLEASE DON'T.
WE NEED TO LEARN SO WE CAN TEACH OUR CHILDREN.
DON'T LET RAINBOW EVOLVE INTO THIS WE WILL ALL BE HEARTBROKEN.
IF THEIR IS ANY BARF OR NERF FAMILY TO CONNECT WITH OUT THEIR
PLEASE DO!!!!
MANY THANX TO THE LEGAL LIAISON TRIBE
IN DC GOODLUCK.
MISTY-DAWN
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 11:40:44 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: THE KIDD <KIDD>
Subject: Re: Doom with a view
Dear chump,
Homeboy, get a grip and show a little creativity, or at least, at the
very least some initiative. You waste so much time flaming fnord-l.
You can insult me to whatever capacity your embryonic mind is capable
of, but you won't find me somewhere, where I hate to be, with no
better solution than crying about how much I hate being there.
And you do just whine, and cry and kick your feet. Here's your
rattle: <shake> <shake>, feel better boy? Oh, by now you mustbe
scheming, contemplating the ultimate flame to get back at the old
Kidd for saying such truth. But wait, let me add some more fuel to
your pathetic fire: Somewhere along the line, either because of
genetic failure or pitiful parenting, you missed on the developement
of problem solving skills. Your solution, still, is to cry, bawl,
throw a tantrum: WWWHHHAAAAHHHH!!! Let's see some solutions bitch:)
--
*THE KIDD*
"KNOWLEDGE IS POWER"
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 19:54:56 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: It's a Sign!!!
A reader writes:
>UNSUBSCRIBE FNORD louise ialongo
This is obviously a sign of the end times of FNORD-L. The Europeans are
always the first to leave during an Apocalypse.
Brent "U.S. of A." <Pollux>
Ranting Locust Eater ... Where is Home Again?
=========================================================================
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 20:00:25 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: And The dead Shall Rise and Walk and Spout Poetry!!!
loving and the brother ant by e.e. cummings
>HELLO TO ALL MY BEAUTIFUL BROTHERS AND SISTERS .
what brother ant greeting me beneath sister wasps in the giant sky?
>"WE LOVE YOU" DANCES THRU THE TREES CARRIED SOFTLY APON THE WINDS
what love bespeaks your antennae, and the savannah antennaes of windsoftwasps?
>BACK,LINGERING AWAITING AREPLY. SO SIT BACKAND CLOSE YOUR EYES AND
from my cool chair, and lemon tea, eyes shaded from unfolding roses, theclouds
>REMEMBER TO DANCE WITH THE WIND.
remembering what dancing brothers, sisters peering as if to children?
>I AM VERY GRATEFUL TO ALL OF THE FAMILY THAT CONNECTED WITH MY MOTHERS
joining tiny hands as wings beat familial bondings, children called home?
>HEARTSONG (WORRIED MOTHER) AND GAVE HER A LITTLE ENLIGHTENMENT,THANKS
the late supper of hearth, soup giving, given light the amber suncongratulates
>EVER SO MUCH.I MADE THE MISTAKE OF GOING TO THE ARIZONA,NEW MEXICO
geography lessons learned under pool hall signs in small old west ghosttowns
>GATHERING.IT WAS LIKE A EPISODE OF MADMAX, BABYLONS WARRIORS OR
brother ant, sister wasps, it was like madness gathered at babylon's gatesfor
>PETER PANS KIDS I GUESS HAVEN'T SHAKEN THEIR SURVIVAL TACTICS FROM
peter pan kids i guess haven't shaken their survival stickball tactics, tea
>GROWING UP IN THE STREETS. ONE KITCHEN ARRIVED IN A RAINBOW BUS THAT
growing in our young glass, one kitchen, mother arriving, and brother,sisters
>BROKE DOWN SO THEY LEFT IT THEIR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NATONAL FOREST.
war raining down on the page, radio speaking to radio antennaes to radio
>PLEASE DO!!!!
what pleases the heart of the child more than you?
-- e.e. cummings
Un-Earthed by B <Pollux> Literary Archeologist 00bcpalmer
"KNOWLEDGE IS THAT THIS LIST IS DEAD!"
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 11:05:54 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bill Anderson <LIBWCA>
Subject: Don't Kidd Yourself
In-Reply-To: <9401260420.AA22403@ >
On Tue, 25 Jan 1994, THE KIDD wrote:
> Dear chump,
>
> Homeboy, get a grip and show a little creativity, or at least, at the
> very least some initiative. You waste so much time flaming fnord-l.
> You can insult me to whatever capacity your embryonic mind is capable
> of, but you won't find me somewhere, where I hate to be, with no
> better solution than crying about how much I hate being there.
> And you do just whine, and cry and kick your feet. Here's your
> rattle: <shake> <shake>, feel better boy? Oh, by now you mustbe
> scheming, contemplating the ultimate flame to get back at the old
> Kidd for saying such truth. But wait, let me add some more fuel to
> your pathetic fire: Somewhere along the line, either because of
> genetic failure or pitiful parenting, you missed on the developement
> of problem solving skills. Your solution, still, is to cry, bawl,
> throw a tantrum: WWWHHHAAAAHHHH!!! Let's see some solutions bitch:)
> --
My Dearest Kidd,
In the face of disembodied narrative incoherence such as this, it's
difficult to know at whom you were flinging your doo-doo; I'll assume
it was me, since I prefer to think my noble compatriots capable of
inspiring more elegant prose than the above. In reply, therefore:
We are not trying to solve a problem. We are not trying to resolve
a situation. We are merely trying to get this damnable corpse buried
before the plague rats get a whiff of the viscera. You are standing
on the shovel; otherwise, you are of slight consequence. Kindly move
your foot.
Malibu Skipper
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 11:44:44 CST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Melanie Willis <GS0383>
Subject: varily
Feeling varily disgruntled today. If only the weather would vary. And yet,
should it do so, needless to say, its variability I should then curse, it
being the colder season of our calendar year, and thus, to whit, I should
possibly be careening vicariously or virtually or even actually down icy
pavements cursing the aforementioned weather. Hence, let it stay gray.
Varily, I say, to whit, let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow. However,
please, to whit, let it not snow on me.
Thus, we all want something we don't have. You see it now? No? Ergo, I say,to
whit, you, sir, babe, honeypie and sweetface, are a GOATT.
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 11:56:54 CST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Melanie Willis <GS0383>
Subject: varily II
Varily, if I had a MONICUM of common sense, or a modicum, or even aninfinity
of common sense, I might not KIDD you any longer. But, to whit, ergo, hence,
and therefore, I say, BEEP BEEP. Outta my way, lighta my life, KIDD, GOATT,
MONKEYFACE.
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 13:15:32 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: THE KIDD <KIDD>
Subject: Re: Turning up the alchymical heat
>Kidd, yo. Yo, hey Kidd. Did you read that someplace?
Dear Sweet:
Yeah, I've that in many texts. It's the quintessence of some eastern
philosophies and religions.
--
*THE KIDD*
"KNOWLEDGE IS POWER"
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 13:55:11 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bill Anderson <LIBWCA>
Subject: Well, that's that, then...
In-Reply-To: <9401261816.AA02416@ >
On Wed, 26 Jan 1994, THE KIDD wrote:
> Dear Sweet:
> Yeah, I've that in many texts. It's the quintessence of some eastern
> philosophies and religions.
Note to subscribers: The Kidd has located The Quintessence. Strike
the set and begin ritual dances immediately.
Malibu Skipper
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 15:04:53 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: Nothing Better To DO
Dear Flyswatter,
You are my favorite toy. I enjoy being very very wealthy and sitting here
in the breakfast room all day with the laptop and cellular and a tall glass
of iced herbal tea, a pipe, and the peeppermint altoids, and writing to
FNORD-L. However, I do not ffeel like using you, presently. See? I just did
a regretable ttypo even. Some of you are aware of my severe ennui today. I
may even have to go to the fainting couch and faint. Someone, any of you,
take the fly swatter and use it for me. Please. Use my favorite toy. Please
destroy this last little one who has not taken the number of the correct
beast. DO it for me. No really I insist. I'll even pay you.
Change of voice in paragraph leads me from monologue with f.s. to chat w/you.
(note)
Brent "very very weary of assumptive consumptive presumptiveness"<Pollux>
You Know the Rest, If You're Hep.
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 15:35:58 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bill Anderson <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: toast him
In-Reply-To: <9401261943.AA20668@ >
On Wed, 26 Jan 1994, Barbara Hall wrote:
> after having been on this list about a week now I am well aware thatany
> comments I make will surely gain me a virtual flogging, but then again,as
> the marquis de sade did once say 'sex without pain is like food without
> taste' and so ok, i don;t quite understand what a person hopes to
> accomplish by name calling but then again I happen to think that words
> absolutely suck in that they can never fully give meaning, which is a
> meaningless word to me, they limit the infinite but now I digress.
>
Word do not limit the infinite, actually; rather, they flop about in
a luscious pool of ineffectual beauty, much as the majestic sailfish
does on the floor of the boat before somebody kills it with a gaffing
hook. The phrase "fully give meaning" is meaningless; however, only
words can give any meaning at all, since meaning is made of words and
words are the constituent parts of meaning. Perhaps your problem lies
in assigning too large and significant a role to the latter concept.
A note: form and content have been conveniently separated for your safety.
In the future, please refrain from posting to this list anything which
smacks of either form or content, unless said elements contribute
directly to the task at hand, towit: the Decent Disposal of the Remains.
In other cases, please refer form and content to DONKEY and LERI
respectively; these two lists have been designated successor states,
and are fully equipped to meet your form and content needs. Citizenship
in both successor states can result in cognitive dissonance and possible
combustion, but has been successfully assayed by a number of hungry
freaks, daddy. We don't recommend it; but then, we don't recommend
anything.
Because my heart beats rapidly at the sound of your name, I have made
an exception to the form/content rule in this post; and will doubtless
be subject to ridicule and scorn, with more severe penalties staved
off only by the deterrent of my Manly Physique. No need to thank me;
your sighs of intellectual contentment are thanks enough.
Malibu Skipper
=========================================================================
Date: Wed, 26 Jan 1994 15:57:01 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bill Anderson <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: REQUEST FOR ASSIMILATION
In-Reply-To: <9401260353.AA15060@ >
On Tue, 25 Jan 1994, Arthur Parker wrote:
> Bill, I love Tippy so much it hurts when I pee. Please advise.
>
> wanting to make ri part of me,
> arthur
When this hole blows, Tippy -not having been washed in the blood
of the lamb- goes down, too, which is most unfortunate. Suggest
you make ris salvation by date February 21 your top priority, as
prose emanating from vicinity of ri suggests a mean motorscooter
and a taxi, dad. Note everything I write is naturally justified.
Malibu Skipper
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 05:19:02 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: tip <TIPPY>
Subject: The Flight of the Dodo
Jesusfuck, what's this McWorld<tm> coming to? Michelle, franklywe
were a little disappointed in your boyfriend and were considering unsub-
scribing from him. I really don't know what he's so frustrated about,though,
cuz there's plenty of those new-fangled idea-thingamabobs floatin' round,
and just cuz they're floatin' 'round face-down don't mean they still don't
make some mighty fine eatin'. Ask the Kidd. Me too, much depreciate humor,
"Humor in Uniform" and going ha-ha chucking with madcap hilarity and rib-
tickling ha. And Don Knotts. Hee hee hee. When I hear the phrase "Now I
appreciate humor but..." I reach for my shotgun, didn't Herman Munster say
that? Well maybe he should have. There's all kinds a' hot dogs and shindigs
going on around here, why just the other day the Kidd was going on about the
quantum Eastern quintessence of Aleister Crowley and gave a fine book review
on Tim Leary in front of the whole class. So there! Don't get much newer
ways of thinkin' that, do you? Y'better ask the Kidd. If you can find him.
He's the one looks like a shovel. Yep, the dodo was a stupid, ugly little
bird that couldn't fly so Dick van Dyke had to club it into extinction. Deja
vu, anyone? One of the marks of a civilized person is the corporate logo
branded on their ass. Michelle, if you're real, the few seconds it took you
to read jesusfuck's five or six line post are lost. I realize that time
could have been used to polish the post you spent, oh, six minutes
or so on and so forth. Never pays to be an over-the-shoulder-moulder-behold-
er. Ask the Kidd. Would somebody throw me a fucking life preserver!
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 08:45:33 CST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Melanie Willis <GS0383>
Subject: dear jesusf*ck
Dear Little Miss Barbara JesusF---
You say you live for yourself and that your name is for yourself only.
Then why do you use a name that is someone else's? And why do you attach
a direct insult to the end of that name? You are obviously craving
attention. You are a lost soul. You are saying: Jesus, Fuck, HELP ME.
I'm a lost child. Jesus, FUCK, somebody fuckin help me. That's what
it comes down to. If you didn't want anyone to respond you might
call yourself NancyFuck or BillFuck or something like that. But there's
only one Jesus that most people know of (other than the Spanish spelling)
and so your direct plea to the people who care about Jesus is
unmistakeable.I am sending your address to a certain inspirational
speaker on the internet. You can expect to receive plenty of help
soon. So hold on, dear. You'll make it. Take a deep breath now.
And please, stand back a little: the flies are starting to bother me.
Go wash that stuff off your face, will you.
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 10:56:55 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: Mz. Willis' Theorum
Essentially, Mz. Willis has developed the theory that:
name jesusfuck = plea for help <> Latino pronunciation
Actually, e'en the Latino pronunciation is, "HEY Zeus!", also = plea forhelp
Helpful Angel [HELP fool ON hell], brent <pollux>
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 12:45:27 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Sweet Nancy <LIBALP>
Subject: Re: Turning up the alchymical heat
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
26 Jan 1994 13:15:32 -0500 from <KIDD>
On Wed, 26 Jan 1994 13:15:32 -0500 THE KIDD said:
>>Kidd, yo. Yo, hey Kidd. Did you read that someplace?
>
>Dear Sweet:
>Yeah, I've that in many texts. It's the quintessence of some eastern
>philosophies and religions.
>--
Um, do you think you usually know it when someone is making fun of
you?
curious,
sn
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 13:05:10 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: FNORD-L
*ahem*
There once was a list called FNORD
To which a hoard of bored oared
When hoared, cored, and floored,
One is said to have "scored,"
Stored toward the sword, come aboard!
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Brent <Pollux>
Jurassic Park *is* happening in my pants.
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 13:05:06 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: stuff on barbara's face
Melanie, there is no "stuff" on Barbara's face. There is nothing whatever
wrong with Barbara. Barbara has attained sainthood notwithstanding consensus
that the supernatural does not exist. She is committed to the Good, uncondi-
tionally. And unconditionally, she refrains from the Prohibited. These
construed as historically relative, of course.
Barbara has Suffered for her Goodness. She has done her compulsory hitch
in sex drugs rock & roll with the most disastrous consequences. She was
Persecuted for the sacrament of Drugs even before using any; mother was
possessed by an evil spirit, inducing mother to operate in wicked stepmother
simulation mode. Her father has hardened his heart against her, disdanining
paying for cheapest possible pair of new glasses after old onesdisintegrated;
if she Really Wanted new glasses, she'd grow them; take responsibility. This
is because last nickel is squandered on prodigal son & daughters. Who needit
because their IQs sum up to less than Barbara's which is 168.
Barbara is broke because she works two jobs. As these are the only jobs
she could get, and all the similar jobs pay the same, she does not do it
for the money. She is a gymnastics coach because she loves children. She
is a movie projectionist because she is in favor of the cultural arts.
Barbara is five ten and strong as a gymnastics coach. At night when
not on duty for Leri on compulsory music appreciation, compulsory drug
pseudoexperience, and compulsory sexual awareness drill, all of which
is unremunerated and represents voluntary self-sacrifice to the Movement,
Barbara roams the streets disguised as Wonder Woman. Upon apprehending
malefactors, she lets them go on the ground of environmental causation,
especially should they mention discrimination on grounds of gender, race,
national origin, or sexual preference.
Barbara performs what the Catholics once called Good Works, the Jews
*mitzvoth*. For once, she regularly calls up Lizzy to ascertain that the
latter has not hung herself from the garage, as she threatens. Nobody from
Leri has bothered to even wonder if the Leri equivalent of the Inquisition
has had any subsequent deleterious effect upon the victim, Lizzy. Where the
operative rule in the German witch mania was, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch
to live," Leri never heard of suffering.
If Barbara is really really good, St Catherine and St Margaret, last seen
as Operations and Intelligence chiefs under St Joan (q.v.) in 1429-30, will
permit Barbara to dye her hair a *really cool* color this time, like barf-
green with yellow-orange spots and a black streak down the middle. Because
there is no afterlife. Only after medical school. After which she will
unify Neuroscience and find exactly where the goddam mind *is* in that
squishy mush up there. And she will bring her Oscar home from the Nobel
Thingie in Oslo, despite terrorist attempts on her life sponsored by
the medical-industrial complex and Bill Gates.
Forget it, you cannot win, her heart is pure, she has the strength of
ten, she has the strength of 9 and One Half Weeks (even lacking KimBasinger's
complexion).
No kidding. This is from me,
Daniel A. Foss
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 12:55:20 CST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Melanie Willis <GS0383>
Subject: this sucks
Can't anybody do anything about this? This list has obviously been raided
by young stupid kids who think because they can cuss in public and can
type on a computer that they are smart. I am about to leave, but before
I go, may I just tell you all, and this is for:
THE KIDD
Jesusfuck
beamish
i am a jerk
You guys wouldn't make it anywhere but on a bathroom wall. Your graffiti
is terrible, your jokes are worse, your spelling is atrocious, your
manners and your attitude is vile, and you don't know how nice and clever
and amusing this list used to be before machjer did his purge, before
you all decided this was the place for your nonsense.
I used to browse through my mail throughout my workday, and my co-workers
would hear me laughing out loud. I rarely wrote myself. Oh, there were
times, I'll admit, the old hippie intellectuals rather irritated me, namely
one Merciful Lee Dickens, but now, now that he's gone, and the rest of usare
scattered, I realize how fun it was, how their continual vigilance against
your mindless ilk kept it always entertaining and refreshing. There were
a few problems, yes, there were some insulting things and some disgusting
things, yes. But now I know what is really, truly, completely DISGUSTING.
And that is people who assert that KNOWLEDGE IS POWER: save it for a sci
fi show, buddy; people who take religious names that they know are sacred
to many and attach obscenities, as if this is CLEVER in some way; people
who throw around words that they think make them sound intellectual,
but unhappily, that they cannot even spell; I could go on but why?
Maybe when you guys turn 21 you can drink yourselves into oblivion.
(Where you used to be, from my point of view, and where I wish you
would return.)
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 14:19:04 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: 00bcpalmer
Subject: Re: stuff on barbara's face
The Great Man writes:
>Forget it, you cannot win, her heart is pure, she has the strength of
>ten, [etc.]
Verily, it is from you, and Verily, Verily as Jesus used to say when hewanted
his disciples to know something was the most true thing he could be saying,
Verily, what Mz. Willis hath spake is truest true, and verily people need to
know who the bad guys are and who the good guys are. And verily you havecanon-
ized Barbara as a saint, that Saint Barbara, that saint. But Verily, Verily
what Mz. Willis hath spake is truest true, and verily, verily there aretruly
losers who do not make it from here to Heaven. Heaven is the highest form of
the cosmic ASS, and verily, some are less There than here, by which termsMz.
Willis, if I may recite her pefect name again which transcends endarkenedideas
of such creatures as saints, e'en angels, for Mz. Willis is the verysunshine
and citrus herself, knowing when pursuits are trivial, I choose to verily,
verily, verily with her, her all-knowing-ness, her innocent realism, herTruth.
Thus again, we leave thee to DEATH, having o'er looked the Second Coming, as
well as the First, you may have your charred "Holy" Land of FNORD-L, andhope
forever hopelessly for New Jerusalem. The truer ASS, the true "winner," to
use the quaint phrase of an ancient braying, moves on to the original cityof
hope...
Adieu, Adieu ...
B "Rapture" <Pollux>
First Coming, Second Coming, Three and I'm Out!
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 11:51:02 -0400
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: scott lesser <LESSER>
Subject: ok, barbara hall, you're forcing me to address the masses
you wanna be called jesusfuck? honey, i'll scream it for you if you makeme.
i've been out of the office for a couple of days, but won't indulge themasses
with further details. suffice it to say, i gots personal situations i'm
dealing with. life & death stuff. but, this morning i get a post fromfoss,
through the samizdat i organized... wait, ok, that i *didn't* organize
formally; but, i could've, and may still, ok? maybe, i'm their leader, i
dunno, that might be a better way to put it, but i don't push that concepttoo
hard, because then somebody'd get jealous and start trying to get some sort
of a coup going, and i'd have to waste time dealing with the fuckingpolitics
of it all. questions? ask my right-hand man brent "michael crichton"palmer,
he fields 'em for me... anyway, i was saying, i get this message from foss,
explaining about barbara hall and her alleged 168 iq; that the crowds should
back off and let her roam, as she has this "disposition", see?
well, i haven't been on fnord for awhile. even set nomail a bit back, asit's
been such a waste off time to even delete the dreck that was there. so myheart
skips a beat when i hear about some fresh meat (don't get uptight, all theboys
& girls are meat to me at first) on the scene, with a sharp tongue andgood
mind even. so, rather than go through the paperwork here on my desk, i grab
the latest fnord archive via ftp and then search for the first appearance of
"Barbara Hall."
actually, i jumped to the end and caught melanie raving about the use of the
name "jesusfuck", first. i knew we had a winner.
so, we've got a woman who quotes de sade, has a sense humor about popculture
(schwing@), drops acid, and seems pretty secure about
who the fuck she is.
unfortunately, you're not over thirty-five, are you? no, i could tell that.
that's my current fetish, you see. i need lovers at least ten years olderthan
me this month. however, what's the sense of a boundary if you're notwilling
to cross it, huh? plus there are benefits to hooking up with me; several ofthe
most recent ex's have gone on to successful careers in the arts,guaranteeing
you the chance to say, "well, i had this fling with a guy who used to fuck
her!"
i'm looking for manifestations of kali to rip me apart. can you fit thebill?
(plus, i'm pretty darned cute, the others will vouch for me.)
ask daniel about me. maybe he'll give you my non-existent c.v., vitalstats,
and social security number. see, i blame this all on him and his romantic
notions these days. what is this, 12th century fucking france, fer christ's
sake?
i'll be waiting for you to fire the next shot.
your funeral, my trial.
love,
solomon nathan eleazar
"looking for new constructs"
p.s. i'm several thousand dollars in debt and about to quit my job. ifyou're
from a family that has money, that would be a plus. otherwise, you'dbetter
be a worthwile challenge. i like those.
presumptuous ain't i?
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 15:26:05 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: John Marsh <libjrm>
Subject: Re: stuff on barbara's face
In-Reply-To: <9401271850.AA27170@ >
On Thu, 27 Jan 1994, Daniel A. Foss, Defender Of Women, whose job it
is to Know This Stuff, wrote:
> Melanie, there is no "stuff" on Barbara's face. There is nothingwhatever
> wrong with Barbara. Barbara has attained sainthood notwithstandingconsensus
[etc etc, much more stuff r.e. BarbaraSchwingSilenceJesusFuckHall deleted]
> Barbara performs what the Catholics once called Good Works, the Jews
> *mitzvoth*. For once, she regularly calls up Lizzy to ascertain thatthe
> latter has not hung herself from the garage, as she threatens. Nobodyfrom
> Leri has bothered to even wonder if the Leri equivalent of theInquisition
> has had any subsequent deleterious effect upon the victim, Lizzy. Wherethe
> operative rule in the German witch mania was, "Thou shalt not suffer awitch
> to live," Leri never heard of suffering.
'course, Leri didn't burn Lizzy. Leri just scorched her a bit. I wonder if
Lizzy even bothered to wonder about her deleterious effect on Leri.
But the question on everyone's e-lips, Dan, as b<c> pointed out, is:
Dan & Lizzy - What Happened?
Care to enlighten us?
Sincerely,
LipGerm
Truly Curious
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 16:21:26 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: grapefruit juice <hermes>
Subject: grapefruit juice
this is just to let you all know that i am, indeed, back.
and i'm recovering quite nicely from the autopsy.
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 17:08:41 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bill Anderson <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: Turning up the alchymical heat
In-Reply-To: <9401272204.AA08675@ >
On Thu, 27 Jan 1994, Barbara Hall wrote:
> :)
> :) Um, do you think you usually know it when someone is making fun of
> :) you?
> :)
> :) curious,
> :) sn
>
> does it really matter?
>
> --
> jesusfuck
Does it really matter if someone is making fun of you?
OR
Does it really matter if you know someone is making fun of you?
No and Yes.
Hope this helps,
MS
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 16:31:00 -06
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Hello; my first koan
>
--- Forwarded message follows ---
Newsgroups: alt.buddha.short.fat.guy
Subject: Hello; my first koan
Message-ID: <759563427.AA04101@Clone.his.com>
Date: Tue, 25 Jan 1994 21:16:24
Lines: 11
Hello; my first koan 1/20/94 Fred Heald
FH> As the chimes struck twelve, Shin-kan-sen
FH> was finally aware of his mistake; and in that moment he attained
true
FH> enlightenment and passed away peacefully.
------------------------------
Bottom line is I hate the Kidd
I'd like to bury him with just his butt sticking out
A place to park my donkey
When I call
Remember: Melanie doesn't exist
It's just Arthur in a dress !
Merciful
Still Thinks You Suck
(Oh, and lose the new hippie bitch)
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 17:51:52 EST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Daniel A. Foss" <DFOSS@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Organization: State University of New York at Stony Brook
Subject: on not-making-fun of Barbara Hall
What you got from me was the closest thing to a straight factual account,
admittedly spiced with yuk-like turns of phrase for compatibility with
FNORDish format. Yet factually accurate. It is indeed rare, my fellow/ess
armenians that I utter positivity, and so positive at that. Why, the very
idea that I should have respect for a human, or any hominid,is...suspicious!
Take it up with your Paranoids for Total Fear service representative. Ordial
trollfree 1-800-X'20202020202020' within your psect or csect calling area,
today, hurry, offer lasts.
Barbara Hall has been nominated for President Clinton's President'sTypical
Americanism Award and the Presidential Heroism in the line of America,
the highest civilian declaration any armenian can attain, With Oak Leaf
Clusters, glad bag when the leaves fall off not included. And that should
mean something in this day and age, what with Hillary's Crisis of Meaning
and Derrida's Unlimited Signification, who cares what.
No Fooling.
Daniel A. Foss [with Jacopo Timerman, Prisoner of Silence]
<next: how she did it without the armenian dream>
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 17:33:55 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "c15h15n2con(c2h5)2" <ABS002@>
Subject: Re: this sucks
I agree completely. I do have some idea how amusing and clever this listwas
before the purge, because I was here. I was not purged, and to be honest,
was only here for 3 or 4 weeks before it happened. And I admit, I rarely
posted, but read what the minds of this list had to say. I am sorry
that I haven't lived up to your expectations, but I am obviously not the
intellectual equal of this list. Shortly after the purge, when most ofthose
not purged left of their own free will, I attempted to maintain the spiritof
this list. I failed. But don't say I didn't try, and don't say I didn't or
don't respect those who came before me. Is it my fault that I found myself
alone here in Fnord-L? Is it wrong that I wanted to continue this list?Maybe
it was, maybe I am despicable. But I did what I thought best. Criticize meas
you have and will. I don't care. I'm doing the best I can. Please either
leave or contribute. There are too many people attacking what this list has
become and not enough people willing to lend a hand to rebuilding it.
alex shepard
i am a jerky
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 20:39:29 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Bill Anderson <LIBWCA>
Subject: Re: this sucks
In-Reply-To: <9401272336.AA25809@ >
I-Am-A-Blowpop is right.
There, I said it.
Now, I suppose that having said it, I could go into some long-winded
explanation of why I said it, and we could all join hands and kick
the living shit out of Christopher Blosser, but what would be the
point? For a variety of reasons, some of us wanted this list deep
sixed, and we've been expending a lot of time and energy trying to
kill it. If we stuck around long enough, we probably could kill it.
Whoopty fuckin' shit.
Jerky, I apologize. I'm outta here, and for what it's worth, I urge
my compatriots to blow the scene as well. Good luck.
Malibu Skipper
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 1994 08:23:42 -0500
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: "Joseph Z. Provo" <PROVO>
Subject: Re: this sucks
From: "pinhead" <ABS002@>
Subject: Re: this sucks
>I agree completely. I do have some idea how amusing and clever this listwas
>before the purge, because I was here. I was not purged, and to behonest,
>was only here for 3 or 4 weeks before it happened. And I admit, Irarely
>posted, but read what the minds of this list had to say. I am sorry
>that I haven't lived up to your expectations, but I am obviously not the
>intellectual equal of this list. Shortly after the purge, when most ofthose
>not purged left of their own free will, I attempted to maintain the spiritof
>this list. I failed. But don't say I didn't try, and don't say I didn'tor
>don't respect those who came before me. Is it my fault that I foundmyself
>alone here in Fnord-L? Is it wrong that I wanted to continue this list?
You can dress a corpse up, but the stench!
How could people stand you two going out to the sushi bar?
Why won't you "do the best you can" by taking it back home and NOT humpingit
tonight, but just quietly laying it back into the box and drag it back into
the cemetary. We'll be waiting, just don't go stepping on everyone'sshovels
this time, ok?
And instead of _RE_(old)building, we're building a NEW Way for this list to
be -- six feet under.
joe, going to court in a little bit.
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 1994 11:13:30 EDT
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Allison Freeman <AFREEMAN>
Subject: Re: what's in a name?
> hello, i'm christopher -- but you can just call me 'god' -- or
> 'lucifer' or even 'david koresh' or of those have already been
> taken, 'CTHULHU' will do just fine. =)
(this is so cute!)
>
> well i haven't much else to say at the moment -- so i'll just
> slink back into the shadows & lurk some more. peace, love and
> ugly babies floating in the next door swimming pool,
>
The statement "well i haven't much else to say at the moment..."
would seem to infer that you had said something previously.
Just an observation. Do with it what you will.
Allison
=========================================================================
Date: Fri, 28 Jan 1994 09:19:55 CST
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: Melanie Willis <GS0383>
Subject: one last comment on jesusfuck
Ok, Ms. JESUSFUCK, let me tell you what I think of you:
If you were to come out and call yourself NIGGERFUCK or JEWFUCK or
HANDICAPFUCK or WHITESUPREMACY or something like that you'd have everyperson
on this list jumping on your ass. But you think you can come out and
callyourself JESUSFUCK and it makes you cool. Your purpose is to offend.
And no one on this list has enough balls to come out and say: Don't you be
fucking calling Jesus names like that. Well, I will, you little shit. Idon't
care what your IQ is. I don't care what you do for a living. I'll tell youone
thing though: I sure as hell would not want anyone who called themselves
JESUSFUCK teaching my kid gymnastics. You think it's cool to make fun of
Jesus. You think words don't have any meaning and yet you use them to draw
attention to yourself. You can't think of anything that's worth saying andso
you come up with this outrageous name. You're a loser and a piece of shit.
Your presence, the constant flaunting INSULT of your name is like a piece of
shit in my face when it comes up on my screen. You make me feel like this
group is becoming satanist or something. You would fit in quite well with a
satanist group. But I won't associate with someone who calls themselves
JESUSFUCK no matter how fucking high your IQ is proported to be. I think the
evidence speaks for itself. You're a dumbshit.
=========================================================================
Date: Thu, 27 Jan 1994 21:17:29 -0600
Sender: New Ways of Thinking List <FNORD-L@UBVM.BITNET>
From: moores7518
Subject: the Olypmics of Love!
Dear Fnord-L,
I don't see why you tolerate this bunch of bleeding pigfucks. By the way,turn
it to channel 23, would you? Malibu Skipper and Pollux and Provo areplaying
the KIDD and Jerky and Melanie in a three on threebowling/tennis/interpretive-
dance triathalon. It's *neat*!
Misty-Dawn
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