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========================================================================
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 08:20:36 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: potato faminesweeper <HUNIATZ@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Subject: Bill?
WHAT HAS SHE EVER DONE THAT YOU SHOULD CALL HER "HER" AND BICKER
AT THE NEED TO SIDESTEP A LITTLE TO. SHE HAS ALWAYS TREATED YOU WITH
THE UTMOST. I KNOW THAT SHE ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE. BRING AN
APOLOGY TO THE BAR ROOM BY 9 AM OR ELSE YOU WILL. AND TELL ARTHUR
THAT HE.
Next: details of the new departmental clampdown on LIBWCAs. Unplug
any you may have and await further memos, or face severe disciplinary
action.
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 08:50:00 -06
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: ATTENTION IRISH:
Enough about you - let's talk about ME!
The name taped around my wrist at birth was not Merciful Lee Dickens, butDana
McKinnon! (A gasp goes up from the horrified crowd of callous
sophisticates) Faith and Begorrah, I'm telling you the truth, I am!
Aye, and a fine Irish lad I'm being, you can rest assured.
Why, just the other night, while watching the movie "Darby O'Gill And
The Little People", I took a crying jag over my beloved Emerald and
came close to spilling my whiskey with my heaving, wracking sobs.
Allow me to explain.
I took on my stepfather's last name in 1968 to confuse my Dublin
creditors.
I later chose Felonious J. Cubensis to confuse my Princeton creditors.
The moniker Merciful Lee Dickens I just stole outright from a confused
drunkard of my acquaintance whose occasional bursts of coherency often
yielded profound slivers of merit, flashing silverlike in the elaborate
skein of my Ultimate Plan. (That name was not, alas, of that category,
but I thought it was kind of cute nonetheless.)
So raise up your glasses, my fine brood, and toast to one of Eire's
own! I've been too long gone from that blessed heather.
And don't worry about that scurvy dog, Cuthbert,'s threat of another
famine. I'm close enough to the loathsome cur to deliver a swat on
the nose with a fine Irish daily, rolled tightly round a stout
shillelagh, (hey, it rhymed!) and should that not prove a hearty enough
reminder, I've a fine pair of shiny brogans with steel in the toes and
sharp metal spikes, like this
Ouch!
That Smarts,
Dana McKinnon
Son of the Late Irish Tenor,
Fred McKinnon
(who would not approve)
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 21:21:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: "Dr A. Haggard" <ENLNIFHLATHU@>
Subject: Re: ATTENTION IRISH:
>Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
>Enough about you - let's talk about ME!
>The name taped around my wrist at birth was not Merciful Lee Dickens, butDana
>McKinnon! (A gasp goes up from the horrified crowd of callous
>sophisticates) Faith and Begorrah, I'm telling you the truth, I am!
>Aye, and a fine Irish lad I'm being, you can rest assured.
My dear Dana... Do you not think the Irish have problems enough
without your claiming a blood relationship?
Amos Haggard.
H. Uniatz, for example, is always a problem.
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 15:58:00 -06
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: Reply to Re: ATTENTION IRISH:
My dear Dana... Do you not think the Irish have problems enough
without your claiming a blood relationship?
Amos Haggard.
H. Uniatz, for example, is always a problem.
*** Comments from ROLLIDE - Rollins, Dana; 12/16/92 03:35pm:
Amos -
My Man!
Is something amiss?
Has something gone dreadfully askew?
Why take this tone with me (hypothetical question)?
You're weak, Haggard.
You know what you need?
A little discipline.
Don't shake your head no.
You need someone to take a stern interest in your development.
Expect a surprise visit from my Special Etiquette Clinic.
You may go now.
Oh, and Haggard?
Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.
Merciful
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 16 Dec 1992 17:51:39 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: diffused famine-groundswell <HUNIATZ@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
Subject: Re: ATTENTION IRISH:
I beg your pardon, Dr. Haggard, but I am not. Never have been, nor
would I presume to. Perhaps you'd best consider yourself lucky that
I don't. Everyone would be quite upset to find out that you.
H. Uniatz
Daughter to a Tenant Error
(who never did)
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 00:46:32 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
Comments: three little girls with only 50p
Comments: ATTENTION DANA:
From: cheating@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU
Subject: R u h D MirP-r
Villard Press is recalling some 100,000 copies of Penn & Teller's
_How to Play with Your Food_ because the gag sugar packet, supposedly
impossible to tear open, can be torn open and its potentially harmful
granular chemical contents added to beverages. Book buyers should
destroy this defective sugar packet and call 1-800-726-0600 for a
replacement packet.
Just thought you should know before the next Bible Study Bruncheon.
-=m=-, looking out for all those Irish offshoots on this list
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 11:12:32 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: LIBWCA
Subject: Re: Bill?
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
16 Dec 1992 08:20:36 EST from <HUNIATZ@CCVM.SUNYSB.EDU>
On Wed, 16 Dec 1992 08:20:36 EST potato faminesweeper said:
>WHAT HAS SHE EVER DONE THAT YOU SHOULD CALL HER "HER" AND BICKER
>AT THE NEED TO SIDESTEP A LITTLE TO. SHE HAS ALWAYS TREATED YOU WITH
>THE UTMOST. I KNOW THAT SHE ONLY EVER WANTED TO BE. BRING AN
>APOLOGY TO THE BAR ROOM BY 9 AM OR ELSE YOU WILL. AND TELL ARTHUR
>THAT HE.
>
>Next: details of the new departmental clampdown on LIBWCAs. Unplug
>any you may have and await further memos, or face severe disciplinary
>action.
I believed that I had imbued my note with the proper tone of awe
and respect. Used to be a god myself, y'know. Happy to be treated
with the utmost, but let me ask you this: do you know a good
podiatrist? My nose hurts. Heredity is a stinkful thing.
God Rescue Mary Cinnamon,
Cuthie
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 11:17:39 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: LIBWCA
Subject: Re: ATTENTION IRISH:
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
16 Dec 1992 08:50:00 -06 from <DICKENS>
On Wed, 16 Dec 1992 08:50:00 -06 Merciful Lee Dickens said:
>And don't worry about that scurvy dog, Cuthbert,'s threat of another
>famine. I'm close enough to the loathsome cur to deliver a swat on
>the nose with a fine Irish daily, rolled tightly round a stout
>shillelagh, (hey, it rhymed!) and should that not prove a hearty enough
>reminder, I've a fine pair of shiny brogans with steel in the toes and
>sharp metal spikes, like this
>Ouch!
>
Oh, yeah, buddy-boy.
Sure.
You and what army?
Hoo-boy.
Cuthie
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 11:19:25 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: LIBWCA
Subject: Re: ATTENTION IRISH:
In-Reply-To: Message of Wed,
16 Dec 1992 21:21:00 GMT from<ENLNIFHLATHU@>
On Wed, 16 Dec 1992 21:21:00 GMT Dr A. Haggard said:
>
>My dear Dana... Do you not think the Irish have problems enough
>without your claiming a blood relationship?
>
>Amos Haggard.
>
>H. Uniatz, for example, is always a problem.
Is that you, Dr. Haggard, or a clever simulcrum?
How many people have posted here in the last two weeks? Raise 'em
up...
OK, those of you with your hands in the air- how many of you really
exist?
Oops.
Cuthbert
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:50:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: strangler <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: Re: Bill?
>I believed that I had imbued my note with the proper tone of awe
>and respect.
>Cuthie
Awe and respect, hah? No one's %ever% treated me like that before:
I still have the scar across my forehead where the last person to
whom I politely addressed a "good morning, stwhrt" threw a coal
scuttle at me. Here, Bill, have half of my mince pie? You can take
the big half, I don't mind. Would you like some cream with it?
No, don't get up, I'll get it. Can I read you the tv-listings?
Another cushion? If I address my Christmas Postcard to Emory Library,
will you get it before Arthur reads the possibly suggestive postcode?
Do you take ice in this vodka?
All of this assistance is differentially dextrous (took me ages to
beat the cream left-handed): the right hand is in the air as you
requested, testimony to the existence of darling cheating: I'm acting
on his behalf. I know he wouldn't have begrudged you half a minc--
"H., HAVE YOU BEEN PLAYING FAST AND LOOSE WITH MY MOST SACRED
ALIMENTATIONS OR DO YOU HAVE A DECENT WHICH IS TO SAY ADEQUATE
EXPLANATION FOR THE PURLOINING OF MY SOLE SOURCE OF SUSTENANCE
MENTALLIED ITERATIVELY IN BEACONED PROMISE AT THE NADIR OF A
MORN'S ENDEAVOR?"
-- oh, there he is now, seems rather miffed, gotta go...
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 15:01:47 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Subject: Let me call you stlwrt
>Next: details of the new departmental clampdown on LIBWCAs. Unplug
>any you may have and await further memos, or face severe disciplinary
>action.
Done. Unplugged, sitting on top of the locker, but replaced with
Pocket Libwca. Pocket Libwca works just like old one w/one
difference: it never goes off.
Now: where's that discipline we were promised?
gm
P.S. Hi H.!:) Do you have the "Real Scrumpy"?;)
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 13:07:00 -06
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Merciful Lee Dickens <DICKENS>
Subject: CHOICE SHIT
Hey Strangler!
That was some really choice shit.
Top drawer!
Keep going! Don't let US stop you! More!
MORE!
and the audience are loving it!
Merciful Lee Dickens
Appraiser of choice netshit
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 17:09:03 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: General Mills <LIBALP>
Subject: Tell HUNIATZ
Thanks for the discipline.
gm
========================================================================
Date: Thu, 17 Dec 1992 16:22:48 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: -=queue cue=- <CHEATING@SBCCVM.BITNET>
Subject: Re: Bill?
In-Reply-To: Message of Thu,
17 Dec 1992 17:50:00 GMT from <H.UNIATZ>
Ha, ha. Very funny, H. Good imitation, too, though I'd never use
which is to say utilize which is to say partake of the expression
"MORN". I also only type in capitals to those whom I treat with awe
and respect. I also don't like mincemeat pie.
I also didn't write this.
m
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 22 Dec 1992 15:15:34 -0500
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: GR4302
Subject: mastodon soup
mastodon soup was invented for cripples, you can eat it with a spoon.
a fly is a signal chamber. we say it has eyes, but that's a lie.
homeward bound is an up sign for most who follow stars. i'm but a thief,
a time for sore payments and heaving dry eyed at night. he comes
but not for the signal fire
just for the promise
amen
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 18 Dec 1992 10:55:47 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Hail and greetings <HAG >
Subject: 'Tis the season
Well you may be justified in your concerns about the success of the
party but you needn't worry. They are a fractious crowd but well
meaning of course. I just hope M and H don't carry on too blatently. They
are giggling over in that corner but perhaps they will remain discreet.
Hand me another macaroon Arthur darling will you. Thank heavens Merciful
didn't bring his whip--remember what a fiasco that was last year. Now
as long as we can keep Cuthie from howling at the moon we'll be fine.
But where is Daniel? I've been quite distraught at his ongoing absence.
Well, at least we have provided a bit of pageatry this time which I hope
will keep Jeff happy.
Happy Hols guys....I will make the ritual obeisance to the SBRHYM homestead
as I make the annual pilgrimage this year. Look for the woman in black
toting the baby waving from the deck of the Grand Republic as we steam into
Port Jeff harbour this evening.
- HAG
========================================================================
Date: Mon, 21 Dec 1992 13:23:06 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: LIBALP
Subject: Worrisome Thing
Dare I follow in Libwca's pawprints? Leaving a trail you could follow,
oh, just about as long as your paranoia will stnd t? He made it
easy, giving both format and reason. And those afraid guys, they leave
soon, bullied into silence by the rest of us.
Care about the shame of being bullies? Got used to it. Can also get usedto
head, and being in over one's. Make up mysteries where there are none,
even when there are plenty untapped legitimate. We might even say
asshole if necessary, or maybe lowhole. And show bunt. Merry Chr- Oh,
that reminds me, you're all getting "Whatizit" shirts for Xmas, except H.;
it gets a Braves cap, must be worn backwards. Expect delivery by Bill, who
neatly fits in chimney as well as he fits anywhere. The only jolly old
gnome wearing an eyepatch, that's Bill. Provided he can spare time from
kiting Yuletide checks. Anticipate arrival at dinnertime,
no matter what time zone, isn't that amazing? How does he do that? Now I'm
older, but I still can't seem to stay up late enough. In conclusion,
wonk goes up must come down. Wonk does not kill me, makes me stronger.
?alp
========================================================================
Date: Sat, 26 Dec 1992 09:44:09 EST
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: LIBWCA
Subject: Re: Bill?
In-Reply-To: Message of Thu, 17 Dec 1992 16:22:48 EST from<CHEATING@SBCCVM>
On Thu, 17 Dec 1992 16:22:48 EST -=queue cue=- said:
>Ha, ha. Very funny, H. Good imitation, too, though I'd never use
>which is to say utilize which is to say partake of the expression
>"MORN". I also only type in capitals to those whom I treat with awe
>and respect. I also don't like mincemeat pie.
>
>I also didn't write this.
>
>m
I did- that is, I wrote the above message from M.; however, I did
not write this.
Cuthie
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 30 Dec 1992 11:15:29 -0500
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: GR4302
Subject: what masks forgotten?
what masks forgotten
when eyes gone cold
stare blankly from green?
'i am a sarc for better times,
'a holy hodedo without sense of season,
'a well mixed cow!'
these are the lines
of a broken wall man
a chair crying in the corner
now our happy details
are his lies to give
i raise my hand to sustain...
:^##
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