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Date: Fri, 1 May 1992 00:00:01 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground
<SBRHYM-L%CCVM.sunysb.edu@UICVM.UIC.EDU>
Subject: The Best Lines of April 1992
pieces. For one so adept, does it matter?? Watch the wire! Eat!
should be bowls of money everywhere. Everything would be free; people would
not even the suspicious node located at Galway, has made an introduction --
up some greater business in the lives of historians? You ought to
ps--To poor Pat to get with it! Isn't obvious (at least to the living) why
I'm afraid that the phrase "posting the same old boring messages", though
Well, now. Three (the first three) of the nine names on the above list
dissected. Help me someone, please.)
or the more common version
From: GR4302
now.)
but never interacting with us. The bartender cleaned
habit, used FNORD-L to kick this habit, and, last I heard, was policing the
about. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. Where is everyone. Won't
(I'm so tired. I can't sleep. Oh...my legs. Like they've been
forgave me (had no choice, I still had her clothes.)
foolish to retain your subscription, you are, indeed, one of us now (heh heh
difficult to comprehend, but, given the frenzied style of your recent
For life there you'll carouse."
It's OK don't panic, don't panic.)
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHbr>e010@nemomus.bitnet
Tales of Her Farmer Husbands: Subplot I
be interested in what is going on...
point out that in his last e-incarnation the ghost of your esteamed and very
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Date: Sat, 2 May 1992 10:31:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: in memory of one very nice scrivener
Politic it was, and most generous as well; I thank you. I'm
sorry you found the espionage-game distressing; I had thought that
whichever of the cheating-scribes I spoke with over those months did
not, else I would not have played on (or, more likely, would not have
admitted to the game). But, then, that was probably M. with whom I
spoke, and M., the two-timing layabout, has gone, absconded with a Ms
Usenet: they are both, in all likelihood, living the high-life in
European ice-rinks and conservatories. H. always found it somewhat
disconcerting to address herself to one of the cheating-scribes, only
to get hit back at by another, who could always so easily decide that
the first (and thus she also) was a fool (and you called me
schizophrenic!). I provided no murder-weapon, I'd not have wished to
impoverish the self-fragmentized cheating node by depriving it of any
of its "steady stream of dedicated individuals". Bring on the parade:
your M's, your mollusks, your juniper sages: they've taken entangled
root in all of my times and arenas and I'll happily trade insults and be
suffered as fool with those bestest, belovedest and beheadedest among
them, despite the fact that they've named her columbine and advertised
the post of harlequin: any fool's territory, right? I anticipate the
NYT headlines: "Completely and Utterly Artificial Node Runs Slave-Trade".
You'll excuse the assumed air of world-weariness, I know, but this makes
me sad: I fear, cheating, you may be turning rational on me (just as I'd
gone and named all of my sixteen (16) children after you (nice little
kids, but devious, devious)). And, perhaps all of the above should have
been neutrally self-referential, since it appears I'm only sporadically
more easily assumed female: you gave me the role of Geoffrey, Master Chef,
"brilliant spy and totally inadequate man", doomed to quick extinction
because, once, when you thought spying was rather fun as well, and you
weren't so particularly politic, you found means of depriving me of the
pleasure of trying to convince you of the truth of your own creation,
which I just might have managed otherwise.
Sic, cheating, sic, to you too: I dont kare at aul howe uou spel,
sow long as your compreehinsybil; I'm just being the painted lady walking
out of your victimized portrait (old hat, by now) to jibe at the
cheating-scribes at every possible opportunity, according to the
dictates of the exhibition contract -- your copy of which, incidentally,
needs amending: she'd not venture behind that curtain, under that web
again; she now knows much, much better.
No, there are no questions, not from this part of the floor
at any rate.
The output, startling in its capaciousness, has retained its
high standard. When you've mailed yourself to a sleepless grave, I'll
rise early to come and miserably put flowers on it. Would tulips be ok?
H.
========================================================================
Date: Fri, 1 May 1992 18:14:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: 3056 Faces of Eve Continued
>I still think it's one person doing all the writing.
No, Jeffrey, no, no, no. I am one of the faces of Eve, Cheating
the other 3055. He keeps the death-mask trade going all by himself.
The body of the listserv records which is correctly punctuated is
his, that which is not is mine.
h760/stanifhlathu/stanewell/h800
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Date: Sat, 2 May 1992 14:52:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: here's unsolicited annoyance for you, Niall
Hello, Niall;
For your assistance, let me explain to you the codes of behaviour as I
infer them to be around this particular fireside:
1. One never, ever, uses commas.
2. We hold weekly readings of the work of Daniel F. Boyd, whom we
have lately lost. You are expected to don your best tie and attend
these without fail.
3. If possible, postings should bear, in the "Date:" line, exotic
times of night or early morning. These invariably earn universal
respect.
4. One does not post a message of more than five lines in length.
Longer messages are employed, as in the present instance, _only_ when
one wishes Cheating, but no one else, to read them: Cheating will read
messages of any length. He will also memorize them and let you know by
return of post if you should ever contradict yourself.
5. This community most certainly does not, as you suggest, "wine and
dine", this is too damn civilized: the tradition is to squabble over
the biscuit tin.
6. One diligently reads the messages of GR4302; they contain coded
messages which are your key to a perfect sun-tan in three easy sittings.
E010 offers a rival service: a Better Sun-tan in two sittings.
7. You may occasionally see William C. Anderson flitting through;
he is harmless, if unarmed, but prone to fits of temper, and may
speak agitatedly of kill-files. Keep your calm and humour him with
licorice allsorts.
There are many more guidelines. However, you hear the sound of glass
breaking and murders messed foul behind me? Well, those is millions
of little children, come to UEA's Open Day to amuse themselves. They
wishes for this terminal to play games, and they wishes for it now.
And, guess what, they all answer to the name "Cheating", every one of 'em.
Perhaps you would share your thoughts on the aesthetics of the severed
head; I have not yet formulated a lasting view-point on this, and would
be glad of assistance.
H.
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Date: Sun, 3 May 1992 01:39:00 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Cuthbert <LIBWCA>
Subject: In your eyes, Lieutenant Uniatz
An amusing take, Uniatz, on the man I once was- to be sure. It's difficultfor
me to understand, however, why you of all virtualbeings continue to dwell on
the past so pitifully. You can't pretend that you had no hand in my present
incarnation... your incestuous foil insists, in fact, that you are solely
responsible, and I think it fitting to hold you so. When the rivers run red
with electronic blood, it will be on your head, my dear whimsical gaelicfriend
don't try to shunt it off on the others, who can't be trusted in any eventand
will just give your name to the gendarmes at the first opportunity. You,and
you alone must bear the burden for the horror that is to come. I can't help
you. We can stop talking about Boyd, by the way. You should be receiving
his severed head any day now, along with various and sundry bodily organs
formerly in the possesion of his preposterous checker-buddies from the
world-wide conspiracy fellowship of illuminated incompetents...
I bide my time,
The Cuthbert
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Date: Sat, 2 May 1992 21:52:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler's Folly <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: GR, GR, GR, assist me please
Now, GR, a little sociological experiment, if you please. There were
certain elements of your message of Sat, 2 May 1992 13:09:56 CDT which
I did not quite understand of themselves, viz: "Stripply", "woman",
"4302". Others, I did not understand in their specific contexts, viz:
"Stripply a fine flip fandango foodplate", though the clarification of
the first problematical term above might aid my understanding of this.
Further, some statements appeared to me to be a trifle rash, I would
even say unjustified, viz:
"H.'s got a thing that keeps her up to her eyesockets in overboiled
green veggies."
"Now go outside and you'll see this moment a small group of birds flying
North-Northwest."
"I'm losing it and going away!"
"even revenge has becomes [sic] boring"
I'd like it, GR, if you'd help me here: a few definitions, some backing
documentation, evidence and/or witnesses to corroborate your statements
of fact. I'm worried, you see, that I'm misjudging you, and it really
does mean something, perhaps something profound.
As regards the invitation toward prostration (which, I conjecture, is
what you had intended to type (prostate not being a verb (except perchance,
I hasten to add, in m'dear's OED)); forgive me if I take a liberty), I
fear I must, for my own part, decline the honour, as I am currently
elsewhere prostrated. Nothing, you understand, personal.
Havingapotshotatgrtheenemydemented760
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Date: Sun, 3 May 1992 13:59:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: Re: In your eyes, Lieutenant Uniatz
Look to your soul, Cuthbert, for there you will find the loam
to feed your obsessions, your blood-will-have-bloody motifs of rent flesh
and horribly strewn revenges. That first fly you killed: does it still
prey on your mind? flap its little wings around the caverns of your brain
and show its face, if flies have faces, in the pupils of your eyes? What
youthful traumas drive you to take up the mantle of The Lone Cuthbert and
scan the lists for a conspiracy of victims with which to brew your nightly
hot-milk-&-coloured-corpuscles? I do not try, as you allege, to shunt
responsibility; no matter what seething scum your soulsearch uncovers,
I'll claim you as my own to have you stretched and framed and hung, that
the man you once were may dance in 6-8 time on your cremated ashes.
As to your difficulties of comprehension, I dwell on the past
because my incestuous foil presents as plausible a version of it which
he has amended to suit his selves. Though he currently carries both
flag and thimble, this will not be permitted to last; he will go directly
to jail for his sins, will not pass go, will not collect 200l 0s 0d.
Further, I find that part of the past which I have spent in the company of
my incestuous foible very dwellable. The others must answer for themselves.
Enough of your merry sword-swinging and menacing plesantries for
the moment, Cuthbert, old chap; skedaddle.
HMS Uniatz
========================================================================
Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 00:17:00 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Cuthbert <LIBWCA>
Subject: But May- May can be exquisite
Dear, sweet Uniatz- the fly. You've hit on the root of it all, I think.The
fly, crushed unmercifully between the yellowed leaves of a tatteredsecond-hand
copy of Tess of the D'Ubervilles. It's final screams haunt me yet; I dream-
when I dream- of it's plaintive cries for mercy. But that's as it were; I
ignore them, of course, as I always have. Regret is hardly a suitableemotion
for a skygod. I thank you, though- your creative use of the much-neglected
semi-colon has a certain restorative effect...
Cheating's benighted choice of the Thimble over the superior top hat is a
problem for another time. It troubles me...
You go to far, though, and too fast, with your demand that I 'skedaddle'.By
nature, I am inclined to perform the aria from Tosca on command, andjuggling
is certainly not out of the question; but in the circles in which I move,one
does not simply 'skedaddle' at the request of an eloquent woman. To do so
would be to lose face...
I remain your servant,
=============================================================
Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 12:38:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: Re: H., I meant no offense (& if you believe ....)
I know, GR, you meant no offence (& I believe...), and I
never take offence at your postings anyway. I read them forwards,
and then I read them backwards, and I shake them to see if they
rattle, and I memorize the best character-deprecations, and I wonder
quietly to myself what deficiencies of mine render me incapable of
comprehending their subtleties. A word of warning, though: it is not
a good idea to insult Cheating. I know that he can defend himself
far better than I could ever do so for him; this is why I make coleslaw
of the wish to protect him. But, one day, I shall get tired of doing
so, and I shall shoot you.
My sympathy on your phoen-lien, my respects to yourself and
your Bristol friendie, my dismay at your hint of another looming death,
my thought that even if it were true (and I deem it debatable) that this
flippin' list don't need you no more, it would kinda like to have you
around: all these worthless things are yours.
Havingsevereparoxysmsatthethoughtofbeinga(hah!)goddess760
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Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 12:58:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: Re: But May- May can be exquisite
Cuthbert, you're still here, I see. Tosca-ariate and juggle
on and on: I have set up the cameras to have the performance beamed to
all channels of all networks of all states, in all prime-time slots.
My only remaining doubt is the matter of Arthur L. Parker: might the
discovery that, for all these years, your claims of showmanship have
been but hollow boasts make him tear your photo from his idol-board,
to be replaced with a mug-shot of a minor night-club saxophonist, or,
worse, the sprawled cadaver of Hardy's fly? No, it is best for you to
retain the legend, propagate the myth of Cuthbert the Skygod, and
maintain the innocent credulity of the list-members, who steadfastly
believe that when you, Cuthbert, say you can do something, it follows
that you will embellish that pretty outfit of yours with an eye-patch
and scabbard and carry out the said deed in a manner most posthaste
and excellent.
I always find the ship to be best; it has a pleasing weight,
which enables it to be aimed, with the requisite speed and velocity,
at the hotels of the enemy, who has, through sheer luck & base cunning,
scraped together a site or two more than oneself. However, you look
most fetching in your top-hat: an excellent choice.
HMsinkingS Uniatz
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Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 09:31:40 CDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: "Peat Moss" <C653SCB >
Subject: two GallantResponses in one post
Watch what? My e-outing was, ah, but tame. I am not Cheating in
disguise; Iam me, I am alive. Although, it is but a poor showing of
me for, as you have mentioned, I am in SEMO. A term that takes a toll
on the hardiest of souls. Riot, I will.
Meanwhile, EAK! You jest? alas not. I am truly in misery now. Ah, but it
is not my doing. Someone has GivenmewRonginformation...5/1 not 5/4.
I only wish that I could say that it was my fuzzy weirdness to which you
refer. An inky punch would have done me good; wereform I have not been
for some time.
c653scb
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Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 10:35:00 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: LIBALP
Subject: idle/bored
Here in the Gulf States, SkyGod means damn good saxophone. And on "Minor's
Night" at the recently diminished "club", Bill squawks til dawn when the
eyepatch fits just right.
Mug-shots? no, Bill is unphotographable. Remember when Strom Thurmond's
spotty forehead caused his TV-being to disintegrate into a thousand
orange pixels right there on cable television, destroying his chances
for re-election? Something happened to Bill, something horribly . . .well. ..
SIMILAR. The difference is, Bill doesn't need to worry about beingre-elected.
Just ask him.
========================================================================
Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 17:32:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: Re: idle/bored
Why, Arthur, how absolutely lovely to behold you,
and it was really charming of you to tell us about Bill's
singing, and Bill being unphotographable, and Bill not needing
to be re-elected. And, though I would not wish to appear
pushy, or inquisitive, or even vaguely interested, I'd like
to ask whether there's anything more you'd care to say about
him. A case-history say, with particular reference to the
mood-swings (so recently and ably broadcast on fnord-l), or
a colourful explanation of his (and your own) LIB prefix.
You've been silent for far too long, Arthur, considering
what a storehouse of anecdotes pertaining to Bill's youth you
must be. Do keep daubing that terminal-screen with ink: I hope
to hear your tuneful voice uplifted again sooner than soonest.
H.
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Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 14:56:00 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Cuthbert <LIBWCA>
Subject: Why do you ask, H.? Hmm?
Arthur could, indeed, tell you much about Bill if chose to do so, Uniatz.
After all, he commanded a great brigade during the recent Illumianti wars,
and was partially responsible for the capture of the benighted D. Boyd.
He can tell you little, though, about Cuthbert- and I must insist on the
distinction once again. The cultural hegemony is vacant, H.- the job is
yours if you ask for it, and I'm sure Arthur could be persuaded to lead your
forces as valiantly as he once led mine. For a price, of course; always
for a price. I've left such things behind- LIB is a mere convenience for me
now- to concentrate on the finer things of life; Puccini, the five-ball
overhand, and the construction of a suitable End for All of This.Armageddon
is time consuming, my dear, as are my other pastimes- including my pathetic
and occasional attempts to assuage your curiousity, keep you ammused and
provide you with a willing target. In time, Uniatz, all will be revealed.
You'll wish you'd never wondered.
Cuthbert
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Date: Mon, 4 May 1992 15:24:00 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: "A. Parker" <LIBALP >
Subject: Swinging Mood-Youth
Dear H., It's damn indelicate of you to come right out and >ASK< about aman's
prefix. Damn indelicate, but forgivable. Hegemony, hegemony, who's got the
hegemony? i don't know about. Cuthbert i heard of. Fighting valiantly youcan
ask me. Price is good. A gradual development of mutual trust and respectis
better. And frankly, i kinda got a case of the creeps from you, especially
with that middle initial. "Truly, she is a goddess," were my first words,
before i recalled that Bill's name is NOT William C. Anderson. Faulty
assumption, that. But thanks for the encouragement.
Arthur
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Date: Tue, 5 May 1992 10:26:00 GMT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Strangler Aagonschmidt <H.UNIATZ>
Subject: Bill's Background Browsed [Cheating, where are you now?]
Arthur, I had your note sent down to the laboratories,
scrutinized, analyzed, dehydrolysed, and still no hint could I
find therein of material relating to that part of Bill's life
which he would rather conceal. From this, I must conclude that
he pulled the twin trumps of strength and proximity, walked
purposefully down that corridor, fixed you with a grave stare,
and said something of the nature of "Arthur, old son, don't.
Just don't." Thus, you find me disappointed, but unphased.
You see, Arthur, I know what you don't know: that Bill has been
misleading you for all of these years, that his name really IS
`William C. Anderson' (go on, check the filing-cabinets), and that
the C., for want of a better guess, stands for `Cuthbert'. I'd
tell you what `LIB' indicates as well except that I'm pretty sure
that you've both of you together figured it out for yourselves
by now.
Hey, Cuthbert, let's be reasonable here: how can I
demand money with menaces (your question of why I asked answered)
if you continue to childishly prevent Arthur from producing the
requisite menacing material? Hardly fair, I should think.
H.
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Date: Tue, 5 May 1992 15:28:00 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: "A. Parker" <LIBALP >
Subject: lowdown
H.,
The LIB stands for Liberty University, where Bill is studying Theological
Hegemony. Me? I'm a Vatican spy. For sure I've got juicy info on old
C. William (aha!), but I'm not talking, as long as he keeps putting a
kindergardner in my offering plate each week.
Proximity always was my favorite Tarot card.
========================================================================
Date: Tue, 5 May 1992 16:00:59 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: eLLIS dEE <E010% >
Subject: Theatre vents are the last thing on my mind, pal!
In-Reply-To: In reply to your message of MON 04 MAY 1992 21:52:31 EDT
Won't these guys ever leave?
Sure I'd love to call a truce with GeekRobot4302,
but then we just wouldn't have these exploding
orgasms of joy now would we? Lack of better topics
leaves me slave to philosophical piddleshit. And
the situation about pigs: one in the hand is worth
two at my summer job--McD's! And maybe grinning is
not in my repertoire, but I can eat a pig as well
as the average StonyBrook-o-phile. But here comes
the biggy: Does God exist? Fact is, GorgeRut, that
most everybody is dead, Anselm or not. Sure God
exists but not in the way you think, or anyone else
for that matter. The great thing about a body is
that it's guaranteed to last you a lifetime. Maybe
Anselm was a moron, and Gaunilon the second runner-up,
but give me some ONTOLOGY you masterful visionary and
we'll see who places in this pig-race. Or would
you like me to start? Okay.
1) Everything has a cause.
2) Having a cause suggests existence.
3) Ergo, everything exists.
This is just a warm-up. And my final exams lower my
synapse-fire rate, so bear with me please. Of course,
any fool and his swine know that ONTOLOGY is easily
refuted, and is just another word-game without the
5 across's and 23 down's. E-10 out.
========================================================================
Date: Wed, 6 May 1992 16:33:58 EDT
Sender: SUNY/Stony Brook Literary Underground<SBRHYM-L@SBCCVM.BITNET>
From: Juniper Sage <CHEATING@SBCCVM.BITNET>
Subject: Don't bank on it, sweetheart, baby
H., E., GR4302, Cuthbert, and Liberty College Assorted Flavors:
It's perhaps none too astonishing to see such forlorn bemoaning of
her tiresome fate on the part of M.'s beloved, but to see, while
anticipating what manner of retort might emerge from that curtain,
historically speaking, the overt and totally unpolitic flirtations
which have been transpiring brings to my heart a pallor, one that
may or may not be removable with a few lashes from her solemnly
stolid memorandum, the same glimpsed many times before, on the
subject of how enticing M.'s beaux yet furtive and always glassy
eyes were in their trenchmouth-- pardon, pardon, sleuth-worthy
is what I wish to say-- modus delecti, particularly when viewed
against a plain brown backdrop adjacent to my own. And I must
inquire: which one of "my" creations do you mean, precisely? To
belabor the point: do you know what you mean, precisely, as you
waffle on and on and on? And E: philology recapitulates ontology, no?
JS.
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